if i was more in touch with my feelings id cry now

i had this super important call today on zoom.

i showered, shaved, put on a nice shirt

even put on pants even though no one can see.

opening was good. middle was decent.

then i was asked a question i should not have answered.

i knew it was a sensitive subject and worse of all, i knew i had a punk rock answer.

not everyones punk rock. this person was super cool, but not punk rock.

i should have answered the question with another question like

“you’re an expert in this world, what do you think?”

instead because this was a tiny bit like a job interview, i was dead set on

being smart.

or at least being perceived as bright.

i did the opposite.

i said the thing i should not have said.

i called a play that was complicated.

that required everything to fall into place perfectly.

if it was a football pass i needed to thread the needle

i did not thread the needle and it all fell apart.

i went on a long walk.

then i accepted a lunch date.

i really wish i had someone to talk with about this but

the truth is, it’s ok.

the truth is, imma do this damn thing even if it’s literally the last thing i do

i may get rich off it, it may put me into debt

i dont care. it doesnt matter. it will get done and when i die this is the thing that people will praise me for.

not that i need praise when im dead

but im gonna say here and now, i fucked up today

it was an unforced error.

i knew the question was coming

and i muffed it.

im gonna watch tv now and think about crying

but do everything except that.