this lack of blogging is a bit concerning

i’m fine, no really, very good.

the small business association wants to give me some money for free, which is weird and nice and i dont really understand it

but in a world where ppl take for no good reason. sometimes its nice when others wanna give for equally no good reason other than they dont want you to revert to a life of crime.

i was asked by a company to work for them. someone told me one of their biggest supporters told them to hire me.

because i have had some very bad luck this year of either not being paid (Boston dude) or having to ask over and over and over to get paid by other companies i said, heres what i want. i want a typical salary for the position you are offering but i want half up front and half at the fourth of july.

because im a weirdo i look at the year this way:

Super Bowl
Opening Day
Fourth of July

will i die lonely and penniless?


but my treasure, as is yours,

is in the kingdom of Heaven

i have the smartest and best friends

as you may know i am in a moral dilemma.

but my friends don’t seem to think I am.

this guy right here is basically saying if i went to court over the fact i wasn’t paid, i would earn not just the $2,500 owed to me

plus $40,000+ in late pay.

a pair of lawyers who messaged me in DMs told me they’d represent me pro bono,

is this how obama felt when someone acted a fool and dared him to use weapons?

are connections weapons?

is the law?

i dont mind confrontations but i dont really seek them out after i got outta the xbi

i just want a peaceful, mellow, loving life where i can be creative for art sake

why am i being tested?

a different job i wanted wrote me tonight and said im not gonna get it

i have mixed feelings about that too.

incredible brand. one of my favorites.


i feel they’re making some glaring mistakes and i was going to have to bite my tongue because that is not the job i was being hired for.

as per the job i was applying for, i also think they were making some mistakes.

this brand is an industry- and cultural leader but they treat social media like

everybody else.

some brands should never be basic bitches.

they should be trailblazers every chance they can.

i was so excited to talk with them two weeks ago im sure i blabbed the poor woman’s ear off

she prob thought i was on coke.

and who knows maybe i asked for too much money.

is $75k to be the online face of your thing too much money?

but this thing theyre selling is like mining gold.

the last detail they should worry about is budget for staff, as long as the staff is really working.

anyways heres something another friend told me about my situation above, re: not getting paid

this is not about you being mean or vengeful or not turning the other cheek; this is about someone, with whom you had a professional, and presumably legal, agreement with, breaking that agreement and stealing from you by refusing to pay you for your work. That is illegal and he should suffer the consequences of breaking the law. Good luck!

her punctuation alone is amazing.

and of course her advice is spot on.

still, i dont want to send drones over the border.

but i also dont want this behavior to persist.

i wish i knew how to meditate.

this is why i need a smart girlfriend.

i slept all day because i was up all night

doing the project i was up all night and i havent been able to revert to a normal schedule which is not good because theres a long legged girl in my bed right now at 257am who wants me in there but im wide awake wishing there was a ball game on.

a friend of mine who works at this fancy place said she would put my resume on the right persons desk. she suggests i go on unemployment.

but i was a contractor at the end.

she said, youre over 40 and black. thats two protected classes.

i said did you not hear me i stepped down to do this project. i knew the risk i was taking. i wanted to do this thing. all my life i tell people to ask for what they want and dont freak out when they get it. i got it. why should i break any rules?

she said, you have nothing to lose, they might approve it

i said, i dont want to be on unemployment. i wanna do cool shit. life is short. i was on unemployment for way too long before i got picked up by the academy. it was never fun for me. i could never relax. i was always feeling depressed. a loser. i know the economy was bad, but i felt totally useless. the fact that i got The Best job out of that is great, but getting there was arduous. never again good friend. #bars

then she said disability then. and she texted me a link to all the things you can file for disability for. theres a disability for everything she typed.

i said, do you know the cubs won the world series? they won it after a rain delay in game 7 on the road in extra innings. and im not saying that the good people of cleveland arent deserving, but i have Always tried to be an honest, hardworking, genuine person. someone you could trust. they say look at someones friends to see who they are. all my friends are trustworthy. why would i want to be the friend who is on fake disability. at the college paper where we became friends it was like a competition to see who could write the better story poem song news article rock opera. not who could be the dirtiest liar. why use our energies on such a small game? if im gonna tell a lie i want to do it in a novel that sells for a ton more than a damn disability check.

she said, you should also stop blogging and stay off social media.


she said do you know how many rich guys i know and hang out and work with and work for. how do you think they got what they got?

i typed, right now im looking at my living room tv. under it are some old dvds an old broken desktop computer. a weird lamp. a broken Roku, a PS2. some autographed balls from people i know. i can look at all of those things and know i earned the money fair and square to buy them. i didnt cheat anyone. i didnt lie. i did the work earned the money bought the crap.

i could never enjoy looking at a tv that i had to lie to buy. i dont know how these politicians who take money from wicked sources actually walk into their mcmansions and sleep right. it would give me nightmares. in free solo that climber got an mri and it showed that he has no fear in his head. these dudes must have no conscious in there. mine is enlarged. and im glad. midwest represent.

she didnt reply. it was late and either she passed out or was bored.

then she came back on. what did any of that have to do with the cubs and game 7?

i said, oh. they barely won because of karma. we had slightly more than the other guys. i would never want to fuck up the karma for the cubs or my friends by doing shady shit. lets make good magic. lets lead by example. lets be the cool story people tell each other not oh that fool yeah he sucks.

my favorite movies are rock documentaries and either its someone doing something fucked up to the band or the band doing fucked up things to themselves. just be cool.

then she sent me the thumbs up sticker and i went straight to twitter against her advice. sorry.

im learning some things on this path

im talking to people. lots of people. lots of freelancers. and here’s what they tell me one and all

don’t put all your eggs in one basket. 

one of them was telling me about a particular Christmas, they had some money coming to them. each month they did the work, they filed their invoice and they got their money. except on this one Christmas

they would go to the mail box every day and every day it was everything except for that check. and they would do this or that to make sure their payments for their car and their apartment wouldn’t bounce, but that included all this stress. stress they never experienced before when they were working 9 to 5 and the direct deposit would arrive every two weeks like clockwork.

freelancers do not have such luxury. they never know when the checks will come. 

one person told me, after that anxiety filled Christmas where they thought they would never be able to buy gifts and pay bills on time due to this late-coming check, they decided

im never going to find myself in a situation where one check made or broke my Christmas. 

im a hard worker, this person said, working hard is not the problem. weird loyalties are the problem. patience is fine, but multiple checks flowing in to the mailbox is better. 

the lottery is now $1.6 billion

i’ll probably win. that’s cool. because i have a plan.

odds are i’ll only get $800 million of that (because i’m black), which is fine.

i bet i could work out a deal with a bank that if i gave them my $800 mil they’d not only make me a bank vice president (my secret wish), but they’d give me 5% interest on that chunk.

that means if i don’t touch it, ever, i would make $40 million a year, forever.

of that $40 mil i bet i could, if i budget correctly, live off $20 mil, and make 20 people a year millionaires for as long as i live. and *still* have $800 mil in the bank.

so who would i make millionaires? well the first year, fam and ex girlfriends, of course.

the next, public school teachers.

next, social workers. next firemen.

like that.