the other day someone asked, are you up to something?

i said not usually, but in a very small way, yes.

and she said regarding one thing or more than one thing?

i said, multiple things.

she asked why

i said because i am part scorpio and by law this is the way it has to be, but trust me, i do not like it

i like it better when you are 100% up front

i agreed and said me too, but this blog is supposed to be a work of fiction, it is supposed to be the one free place where anything goes

where fact and baloney can hold hands and skip through a psychedelic forest of love lust and unicorn dust

and she said maybe you should have a blog where you keep it 100

i said thats my twitter and i lost 20 followers this week, but whatever.

got a guy from whales who told me he lived in NYC for 15 years

he was going to the Soho House from Silver Lake. good ride.

as with most rides, passengers end up telling me everything about themselves within 10 minutes.

this one was twice that and it turns out this dude had been a director for many of your favorite SNL Digital Shorts

he told me how smart and funny Lorne is, how much fun it was to work with this guy and that one.

when i asked him what his favorite short was that he directed he told me this one.

i slightly remembered it, but mama mia.

he said at first Lorne wasnt into it because at the dress rehearsal the audience wasnt into it



snl you ignorant slut,

of course ashlee simpson cant sing. but you should be surprised that a girl who spells her name like that cant dance, cuz any strip club in america has an ashlee who knows how to dance.

the problem however isn’t jessicas sister, it’s you.

saturday night live used to be counterculture. it used to be punk rock. but it hasn’t been punk rock in decades and the other night night just put the last nail in your coffin. and good riddance i say. you are the establishment. you should do your lame open, show the cartoon, do weekend update, show the band, and get off the shitter. but you hate us. thats why you keep doing all this bad tv.

i know you hate us because you hired ashlee. thats not love. the highlight of most of the episodes of snl used to be the musical guests.

david bowie singing in a sarcophagus.

i remember the stones being on there, the dead, the replacements.

why don’t you take what happened saturday night as a hint that your show has jumped the shark. that you’re too old that you don’t care any more what is counterculture to america and the best way to realize that is by having jude law host and ashlee simpson “sing”.

one day i will be too old for the busblog and you know what i will do that day? shoot myself. right in the face. or i’ll od on a speedball at the chateau marmont. when jude law or ashlee simpson are guestblogging the busblog you know the terrorists have won, and yet on snl it’s just another show.

snl has always wasted its talent. even when they know they have great minds they ruin it all. tina fey is a friggin genius so why do i need that amy pohler ho sitting next to her on weekend update? one anchor is fine. bill murray did it alone, i believe. as did dennis miller, norm mcdonald, and even colin quinn (!). what are you saying when you replace fallon with pohler to sit next to fey and not be funny?

but back to the musical acts, you only have like 20 shows you have to do a year. just hire good people. stop with this fellatio of mtv.

tom waits was on letterman two weeks ago and killed. the video (scroll down just a little or click here) doesn’t capture the wonder of it all but trust me, even on his worst night tom waits could destroy ashlee fucking simpson.

waits was on snl in the 70s. why not now? not only is he only doing 7-8 shows to support this new record, but hes even better now than he was 25 years ago.

springsteen is rocking the vote everywhere with michael stipe. get them to come on your lame show. have them sing masters of war and then have them do master of puppets.

do i have to think of everything for you or can we just end this misery and you just hire me?

juliette lewis has a great band that would burn up on snl. so do the donnas. loretta lynn is gonna win a grammy next year, wheres her ass on your stage?

and excuse me but doesn’t britney spears have a new single? if the little whore cant dance, have her sit on a stool and sing her stupid song.

oh thats right she doesn’t sing her songs either.

the only person any good at lipsynching on snl was andy kaufman, and he did it tongue in cheek.

only thing in your cheek snl is the bone of mtv and it’s sad cuz you used to be better than this but you’re not, and its hurting america.

jarrett + zulieka + dancing + highlights from the rnc convention