and with this cold

its called who’s the boss.

what happens is i take medicine, drink some water, eat some soup and try to lay down.

then the cold gets strong and starts making me sneeze then sniffle then it makes my nose run. then when the food gets to a certain spot the cold says oh hell no and sends it right back up.

i run to the bathroom and expunge and flush and my toilet runs so i lift the top and fiddle with the handle and then its time for me to hurl again so i do that and everythings gone. so i brush my teeth and go back to bed.

but im starving, so i drink some water, make some more soup, take some more medicine and eat the soup and try to lay down. i futz around on the computer waiting to see if the food will be allowed into the large intestine and the coughing starts and then the spitting and there i am back at the porcelain throne.

people call. i respond to emails. work is busy. my voice is dying. i feel like im dying. then i think if i die thats ok, ive done pretty much everything ive wanted to do. but im starving, so i make more soup. there are triscuits taunting me but the thought of those coming back up make me shiver.

this time i dont take any medicine. i drink water. ding the soup is microwaved. and minutes later there i am in the bathroom again.

i weigh myself. this is a great diet. i go outside. im freezing. its 75 degrees. i have a hat on, a flannel, a jacket. i move my car, its street cleaning. everyone has shorts and tshirts on. im dressed like its novembrrrr. if i die, i think, at least i lived in warm weather a lot.

get back in bed. answer more emails. unlike most other jobs a lot of the questions only get sent to me, no one is cc’ed. sometimes lindsay gets cc’ed and she knows i am never sick so she helps all she can, god bless her. i eat a hersheys kiss. it makes my teeth sting. i am the most sensitive poet alive. no wonder im dying.

my mom calls. my sister got accepted to law school. life is so weird. she was always better at school than me. i always wanted to be a lawyer. so good for her for beating me once again. it was a fair fight. starving so i make another bowl of soup. im running out of bowls so i get one of those healthy choice soups that have the lid on it. you snap off the top, put the lid back on, and nuke it for 2 minutes.

i drink some water and wait. i tell the cold i can do this all day and all night. i tell it that im gonna die one day and if this is how its gonna go then at least i had some nice italian wedding soup – twice.

so here it is 9pm. the soup went down and stayed down. and i have a sneaking suspicion that i barfed out the cold.

which is great cuz i really wanted to go to work tomorrow

= so much joy

update: Patrick Goldstein also loves the trailer:

Jonze’s film may still turn out to be a failed experiment — perhaps it was a bad idea to put a beloved children’s book classic in the hands of an amazingly gifted but oddball auteur. But for now, judging from the world’s largest focus group — the sprawling collection of people who watch video on the Web — the troubled project has turned a corner, with the new trailer largely earning raves on every website I’ve visited in the past hour. The primary reason? Instead of trying to tell a story, the trailer simply offers up a healthy dose of magical realism, marrying a host of fairy-tale style images of a young boy and various big, furry creatures to the lovely, evocative purr of Arcade Fire’s “Wake Up.”

stereogum is reporting that the trio are coming out with a new record on 6/23. it will be called Farm and it will be supported with a tour.

much as i love stereogum theyre wrong about the video they’re playing. yes thats kevin drew of broken social scene and yes he joined the group at the cedar street courtyard around 1am. but he also jumped in and sang The Wagon with them on red river, which is the street you can see people walking on behind them there at the mohawk. cedar street courtyard has no awning over the stage, and no street to the side of the stage, etc.

anyways listening to j shred is making me feel better. the barfing is helping too.

when that “fad” took off?

either way the colors are great.

meanwhile this one makes me wanna puke – some more

via kira

when im sick i was taught to sleep on my stomach so that all the goo and phlegm could drain into the nose and mouth. or something.

last night i ended up on my back and everything settled in the lungs.

oh yes this will be a gross entry so exit now while its safe.

i woke up at 7am choking on my own illness. i ran to the bathroom nauseous. i turned on the shower so the steam could save me. it didnt get hot enough. finally it did. and then came the dry heaving.

i had failed at replenshing my fluids, my lungs told me. so i involuntarilly hacked and coughed and sneezed and even farted.

it was wafty sick fart aroma that made me think of this blog and how ive abandodended it. (my spell checker also got flushed.) this, the blog thats given me everything. once upon a time id come here and spill my guts and unleash my vitrol and spread hope and joy and judgement and wrath upon all who had it coming. with a few mere paragraphs this url could stop the globe from spinning and back it up like gwen stefani and turn back time like cher and save the world with modern engrish.

her name was the bride and she lived in a shoe.

biggest problem with this illness is last year at this time i had the best doctor in town. a black gentleman in pasedena who a long time ago, after i had returned from sxsw 07, told me that i was sick because i was disrespected at work and i should seek employment as a blogger. a few months later, magically, i was getting paid to blog.

this year at this time my insurance wont let me go to him. i guess i could go but they wont pay. and im sure he’ll just say you should get some rest and heres some anti biotics then get back to your dream job.

but theres something about how he does things thats the cureall. for example the last time i was there i got sick in the waiting room and his nurse saw my face turn green and opened the nurse door, then opened the bathroom door then had a dixie cup with water waiting for me. something tells me that kaiser wont have such attention to the needs of their patients.

my body is a cage. my soul is john cage. my innards are trying to come out because they heard that my toilet is connected to the pacific and its spring break biatches.

the amount of hate i have for nature this morning is only eclipsed by the disgusting chorus of cacophony bursting out of my mortal coil.

i am a scratched tom waits record being cranked by monkeys wearing pill box hats.

i am defeated.