when i told my mom i was driving on new years eve she said

NO!

theres drunks, druggies, freaks, bad people, hookers, pimps, and worse: the underaged experimenting with drugs and alcohol for one of the first times

but i drove. first to ambers hotel to drop her off as she worked the dreaded graveyard shif

and then to the Cafe’s 50 on Santa Monica to read the bible from 11pm until the midnight hour, for several reasons including

i love the bible
i hadnt read it yet
and there i was about to drive on sorta Sunday night, but technically Monday morning, but i was nervous because its written there right in stone, dont work on the sabbath. but does that end when the ball drops? would the Lord understand? am i being greedy? am i being lazy since i barely drove all week and there i was doing it on sunday night / monday morning simply because the rates would be very high for a few hours?

i read. it was about Saul chasing David through the wilderness as Saul’s son did what he could to protect David. it was beautiful. some say they were gay for each other, and i could see how you could see that.

midnight i was off. 3x surge, four very loud very annoying pretty young women in short dresses, faux furs and Face Time rolling.

one in the back seat got a FT from this handsome young man in San Diego who was trying to convince her to meet halfway in Orange County. i was all, “i’ll drive!”

he promised her steak dinner, she said yeah fool Maestros get up here!

there was much confusion. horns blaring on his side, criticisms being blared on her side from her friends.

eventually we made it to Culver City, but not soon enough if you ask me.

already i could see the roads were going to be packed of buzzed drivers and bad uber/lyft dudes.

my next ride was a $45 lyft premium ride from Baldwin Hills to Inglewood and then a $44 lyft premium from the Dave Chappelle show at the Forum over to El Segundo. on that one the woman wanted to go to Del Taco but her husband, bless him, was all, no no, theres food in our hotel lobby. we settled on iHop.

right there i shoulda said, “i just made $100 in an hour. go home. you’re safe. no one puked. you werent in an accident. ”

but of course i didn’t listen to myself. who quits the super bowl in the 1st quarter?

around 2:45am, after driving little short deals all night in beverly hills, and two cancellations, i got a ping to the Soho House.

theres two places to pick people up there, on busy Sunset or on the narrow side street next to the garage. so i called as i approached and he was sorta mumbling, which is a RED FLAG to avoid avoid avoid especially at that hour because it means hes drunk or on drugs or up to something.

he was drunk.

and he took his boots off immediately.

and thank god passed out half way there.

but when we got there he didn’t know where he was and didnt want to get out.

frail little pup who claimed to work in the fashion industry. his cigarette broke as he gathered his things, but when he called his friend who’s house we were in front of the worst thing ever happened.

“my phone died. i don’t know where i am. i want to go home.”

huge problem because i had already ended the ride and they dont let you re-book with a passenger because they dont trust such things. also we were close to my house, it was late and i did not want to go anywhere else with this dude, who i could tell, was VERY DISAPPOINTED THAT HE DIDNT PUKE IN MY BENZ

so i charged his phone for him as my flashers blinked and cars had to go around us

and waited and waited, cursing my life choices.

it charged. he called. and the prettiest black girl i have seen in a very long time comes waltzing out

with a scruffy white dude.

they collect my passenger.

i clean out the back set of trash.

and call it a night.

Lesson: I should have just kept my Lyft on exclusively. it was paying better and on a night like that more Lyft passengers were out and drunk and not caring about price.