someone told rembrandt the hardest thing to paint are hands

so he made sure those were the best parts of his paintings.

uber dares us every weekend to take 80 trips.

they bribe us with $200 or $170.

this week it was $170, which is a rip off but i look at it as reimbursement for the gas i use.

i did 28 trips on friday, 30 yesterday, so i had to do the rest today.

started off STRONG. 15 trips in 2 1/2 hours. but then they refused to give me any short rides for a long ass time. i went an hour with zero trips as i slunk around highland park, echo park, and silver lake.

when i arrived in hollywood the only trips they gave me were little ones from the hotels to the Hollywood Bowl. Willie Nelson is celebrating his 90th birthday there this weekend with two shows and tons of guests.

typically drivers avoid the Bowl bc traffic is like quicksand over there.

but i needed 5 trips so i said fuckit, since it was still 2 hours before showtime.

these fans were so sweet. mostly southerners who flew out here for the weekend. older. kind.

i did three trips and then the traffic started getting gnarly so i stopped taking them.

ended up driving the prettiest half black girl ive ever seen to a “day party” at the Penthouse club, which it turns out is the old Club Lingerie. damn she was pretty.

final ride was two Black women going to Lucky Strike becuase it was open mic for singing.

got home, did some work on the podcast and if Jordan has this week’s episode ready for me i’ll do that tomorrow, otherwise i may go see a movie. its been a while.

tomorrow will be a challenge

tomorrow is new years eve.

i havent driven all week because theres been no demand and the prices are super low. so ive been cleaning my apartment – not very well – but making some dents.

i dont like driving at night. i dont like driving drunks. i dont like driving in the rain.

tomorrow promises to make me $300-$400 if i do it right.

the problem is is it will be cold and rainy. so will people even be going out?

in order to make that sort of moola youve gotta work from 7pm-3am and average $50 an hour. To do that it has to be surging $10-$15 from 7-10 and then $20-$30 for the rest of the night. Will Uber allow that?

one reason i didnt drive this week is the low demand might be due to tons of typically employed people doing uber during the holidays for a few extra bucks. if those people drive tomorrow night, those surge numbers go down.

not because theres not demand, but because uber will decide they can take a bigger cut until the drivers log off.

the prettiest girl said the nicest thing to me today about that she wants me to write my uber book.

it would be the easiest book to write.

it would also be an easy netflix fictional series, based on the book, but different bc tv is a different canvas.

and just imagine the guest stars that could hop in the back.

finally a hooker admitted to me what she was up to

for the second time this month uber did not offer me a weekend goal for a bonus so today i took long trips.

i nearly took one to ventura for $80 but what a commitment. what if you and the passenger(s) dont hit it off? most of the time i totally jibe with them but you dont wanna suffer like that for an hour if you don’t. mama mia.

little did i know i would do two, hour-long rides today.

one was with a prostitute who was going to charge the guy $900.

she had a mini panic attack when i picked her up at her place bc she was afraid i was going to drive off without her. i offered to go in my trunk to get her a bottle of water. she said no, im late, lets go.

i said, we found each other. you can relax now. you got the best uber driver in LA. all will be well.

we talked and talked. she was amped up and emotional. her stories were fantastic and sad.

halfway there she asked me to pull over at a liquor store if i didnt mind. typically i would have minded but she was really freaking out. she called me sweet for being cool about the impromptu stop and asked me if i wanted a Gatorade or anything.

sure, some m&ms.

when she got out i was able to get a good look at her. she looked like a typical college girl with tight jeans and a short leather jacket. not the uniform of what was about to happen. more like what a young lady would wear going with her best friend to a movie in a small town. nothing she wore said sexy.

when i saw her eyes it looked like she had been crying. she had very little makeup.

she pounded a mini bottle of vodka next to a light pole. put the empty on the curb and got back in and called her dude.

“remember i told you i get bad breath when i snort rails? so crazy.” she said to him, “do you have an extra tooth brush? i stopped off at the liquor store and got m&ms and totally forgot to get gum.”

because i turned down the radio so she could make the call, i could hear him. he was being really nice.

“oh yeah i understand. the same thing happens to me,” he said. “i have a spare tooth brush.”

i forget if i asked her or she told me.

jk i asked, “how much do you charge a guy like this?”

“$900,” she said with no hesitation. ”im a high priced bitch.”

do you ever worry the dude might be too rough on you?

“never. i have nails. i’ll scratch his eyes out and kick him in the nuts. i might seem like a softy but guess what, im a bitch.”

she did most of the talking as we traveled side streets across LA. she told me everything. too much. we even got into astrology. when she realized we were the same signs she asked me if i ever met a virgo with body dysmorphia.

i said in LA? doesn’t half this town have that?

do you? she asked?

i probably should but no. im glad i dont have rock hard abs. i want to know people like me for me.

i like you, she giggled. and told me about the love of her life who was obsessed with his body to the point he was spending hundreds on huge jars of wheat germ and nonsense at gnc and it turned him crazy which turned her crazy and he left her because he didn’t believe he deserved her.

when we got close to the spot she asked me to turn on the hip hop station on the FM radio. then she said, im not sure i want to do this.

i said, i can turn around if you want. i wont even charge you for the ride back bc its sorta near me.

she quickly called her bff who told her its gonna be ok.

he met us outside his swanky condo. he was tall, maybe in his 30s. seemed safe. she handed me a $20 and a $5.

you really are the best uber driver, she said.

and hour later she tipped me another $10.

never got those m&ms

do you know yr loved?

even me. crazy.

this weekend was fantastic. lots of driving including to this condo leaning over pch

i hit my goals, i went to parties, i drove in the rain, i did the things.

i drove every day last week because i didnt drive any days the week before.

today im taking a day off by writing for bree

and when i get distracted ill write the summary of the hear in LA year in review 2022

for some reason i forgot i took the first three months off of hear in LA

because i wanted to set a good example that we should be hunkering down at home

because of the black plague.

then we got back to things in march with a tons of episodes

im not sure if i wanna include LA Taoc and LAist doing a terrible job of being competitors but it was part of the story this year. they did announce they were gonna gank and then hedged. poorly.

yesterday i drove so many ppl because i didnt wanna try to do 29 rides on a sunday (because its damn near impossible) but thats what i was up against.

heres some ppl i dont wanna forget

these two little black kids and their aunt or sister who were selling chocolate in Beverly Hills

a singer from a death metal band who was going from rodeo drive to john varvados in weho

a 29 year old named Jane who had never heard of Jane Says or janes addiction

a bald gay guy who was waiting for me and i thanked him for being prompt and he said his mom takes hours to get out of the house so hes always tried to get out quick. plys he said, “janet youre 62 and still serving, relax.”

a guy who ran out of gas who had me take him to the beverly hills gas station to get a gallon  of gas. as i was dropping him off he asked if he could give me some cash to drive him back. i said no. who wants a gallon of gasoline in their car?

an apple executive getting some ramen in ktown

also ate latkas

took this lawyer from his mechanic to his office

it was from pico robertson to century city. i knew he was a lawyer. everyone in that area is if they’re old white dudes.

but i made him feel good. i asked, are you a talent agent?

lol no no, im an attorney, he said

it has been drizzling on and off, windy at night. theres some clouds. but the pretty fluffy kind.

clear skies. we talked about how when he first moved here in the 70s there was lots of smog.

“i dont care how much gas prices are in California, we pay for those additives that make the air clean.”

i agreed, with a caveat that i did not express.

(my issue with the high gas prices is it should be reflected in the uber fare, but uber refuses to raise their rates in LA, which are the lowest in the USA)

it wasnt a long ride. we chatted civilly.

then he said, “i have never driven with an uber driver with a perfect 5.0 rating. but now i can see why you have it.”

then he tipped me $1.01

yes its been about a month since ive last posted

the site was broke. it took poor mark a while to figure it out but thankfully he identified it.

we had some cooperation with Canada and bing bang boom we are back on the air.


my name is tony. i am a podcaster.

i support the podcast by driving Uber.

over the last month or so i have been driving full time. it’s been pretty fascinating bc i wake up as early as i can in the morning and do as many rides as i can before rush hour.

once traffic gets bad i try to hide out in neighborhoods where i wont have to go to busy intersections or get on freeways.

once everyones at work i try to find places where people are bopping around doing errands or buying diamonds or something.

ive been getting a lot of students (as young as 12!), teachers assistants, nurses aides, and of course tourists. i try not to drive in the dark but now that daylight savings time is over thats gonna be harder to do.

i dont like the dark because its hard to see addresses on buildings and i worry about accidents and weird things. the other night i was working on finishing up a bonus and there i was in the nighttime in Hollywood and i was all, i need to get home. i got home. got the bonus. alls well, but i may have to start waking up even earlier, like 4am, so i can be done by 2 or 3.

the problem is 3pm-5pm is a great time to drive because none of the part time drivers are on the road then. they’re all at their real job, so surge prices kick in and i have my pick of whatever trips i want. but i also dont wanna be driving for 10-12 hours because its not good for my hands, arms, and back, all of which have been cooperating bc God is good and loves me.


today i have two interviews for Hear In LA. When im done i need to get the blog post started for Wednesday’s episode which is a wonderful woman who is about to come out with a book on Cults.

Monday and Tuesdays are my days off from driving but i need to do podcast things on those days. so i really dont have any days off. which is fine bc LA Taco is stealing, LAist is sorta stealing, and who knows who else will crawl out from under a rock to see if they can challenge what Jordan and I are doing.

But here’s the thing: they cannot really compete, even though they have way more money and people. They can’t compete bc its a job for them. something they do for money. im doing this out of love. Also i created this whole thing and they know they’re copycats.

John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band may have had a hit ripping off Springsteen but it was just ONE hit and Bruce went on to make many many more.

don’t be a Beaver Brown Band. life is too short. be original. do what you truly love. and no one can touch you.

i took the day off yesterday

and then half the day off today.

felt good.

i dont like that my hands and wrists hurt.

im happy im gonna have a vacation soon.

im happy people are asking me if i would like to work for them full time at decent salaries.

who knows maybe i can do one of those jobs AND uber

or two of those jobs AND NO uber

maybe i can pay off these debts no honest man could pay?

maybe ive suffered enough?

maybe ive paid my tab to society?

or maybe the universe has seen that i can sustain myself by driving around town and it’s all “oh shit, this fool figured out a cheat code. let’s give him a real job with cool ppl.”

my biggest goal is to be debt free in a few years. the pandemic and lack of fat checks and semi-supporting amber sent me into a hole that i thought i was gonna get saved from any day.

but that day had other plans.

thank God i have this Benz.

wrong again, tesla_eth


Uber bribes drivers w/ these 3:30am bonuses because
– 3:30am drunks puke in yr car
– 3:30am drunks want to fight you
– 3:30am drunk drivers are driving erratically
– 3:30am drunks ping you, pass out on a couch and type “Be Right Out”… but dont come out and you don’t get that bonus, you get $4 and miss that surge.

some usc kid left his vape pen in the back of my car

I was deep in the hood when I saw that I’d received a voice mail. Turns out one of the students I dropped off near USC left his $100 vape and $75 cartridge in my back seat.

Because young ppl are young he didn’t leave his phone number and Uber doesn’t make it easy to contact passengers – for your safety.

But my Waze remembers the last couple of addresses I’ve plugged in and his was in there. So I headed back.

Got to the apt but it had a code box. Apparently the building houses many little apartments. A student smoking on the curb let me in. But inside was another door with a code box. So I knocked. Someone came out but didn’t know the kid I was looking for.

Finally Uber let me call the guy. He said his friend would come out to retrieve it. When he did he was shocked I returned the valuable Stizzy and cart and said omg thank you.

I said tell your buddy to tip me in the app.

Hours later: no tip.

Lesson: don’t do things for tips. Do things because it’s the right thing to do. Also who knows maybe he’ll tip in the morning.

sweet saturday

I drove a couple less than 2 miles early this morning. It took 6 minutes and 57 seconds.

Because they had reserved a ride they were charged a premium, which I guess the driver keeps.

I was paid $37 to take them from one part of DTLA to another. They were not staying in a great hotel.
We talked about their child who they were visiting who had just graduated college.
An hour after I dropped them off in front of her building I received a notification that they tipped me an additional $10 and change, which meant I earned $47 in about 10 minutes.
This is not how things often go. On good days (which every day above ground is), I could be grinding from one side of town to the other for peanuts.
And weirdly even at 730am on a Saturday morning there’s traffic in LA. There’s ppl who will wear a mask but pull it down so as to not mess up their makeup.
There’s escorts wearing the most interesting stringed blouses sitting on their secrets tapping on their phone instead of talking to you.
And there’s people who will backseat drive you even though modern technology can tell you about an accident miles away.
After that fat ride I could have kept driving to see if the rest of the morning was going to continue to be fruitful. But at my age, and my cars age, and how sore my arms and hands are at the end of the week of driving, sometimes it’s good to call it a day at 8:30am,
plop on the couch next to the snoozing cats, and thank the Lord for the generosity of strangers and the concept of pure luck.