and they said, oh i love yours too.

and i thought, how could you? it’s terrible. it’s 10% of whats in my heart. it’s nothing. it’s a sell out. it’s me not trying to lose my job(s).

it’s me trying not to make waves.

it is the worst thing a 51 year old man could do: pretend like there’s 75 years left.

on paper im past my prime. how do i know? how many creative people do you know peaked in their 50s?

sure i could be one of the first ones. sure.

suuuuuure jan.

so what do you do if you can’t do the things you could do when you were younger?

you fucking floor it. you let em have it. you live by example. you rock the casbah. you show em what youve been bottling up inside for so so so long.

the last thing you do is go the way of the talentless cowards youve been scoffing at your whole life. and yet thats exactly what i have been doing since, hell, sooooo long.

did i rock during LAist? yes. was it perfect? it was so unperfect that now looking back at it and reading the archives i wince at sooooo much of what i was writing because i was doing it too fast. i had no time to think. i had to run the whole thing, manage the people, set up the thing, market the thing, and yes, try to be the living example of the thing

so when do you have time to channel The Spirit?

hardly never.

and yet it still came.

you dont need a lot of time. you just need the desire, the trust, and the platform.

and by trust, i mean no fear.

it helped so much that my bosses had my back. it meant everything.

but heres the truth about it all, your most important boss: Love.

always has your back

will never laugh at you

has no idea what Judging is

and wants you to do all the nutty crazy and beautiful things that are growing inside of you

and wants you to spray it on the side of the wall like a firehose.

this dick trickle shit is for the sucker mcs.