in january mcdonalds introduced mozzarella sticks but people complained you couldnt taste the cheese and when the company realized that it would not be profitable to add enough cheese to the stick to satisfy people, they discontinued the item. RIP mozzarella sticks.
in february, pop singer Kesha, who had asked her record label, Sony, to release her from her contract because she claimed her producer, Dr. Luke, sexually abused her, had her request denied by the NY supreme court because it said her contract was technically with his company and not Sony. for his part, Dr. Luke refused to break or alter the contract. Kesha claimed she could not ever work with him again because of what she had gone through and musicians went to Twitter to support the singer who at just 28 years old had sold over 40 million records. throughout the year she appeared at the Grammys, at Coachella, and on selected cities in a mini tour. in August she dropped her lawsuit against Dr. Luke and just last week she revealed that she is recording some very emotional material. RIP legal bills!
he was fat, he was funny, he had a great accent, he drank a lot, he smoked crack, he did a radio show with his brother, he went to rehab, and in march he died. RIP Toronto Mayor Rob Ford.
in april Prince died. he was the most talented instrumentalist and singer ive ever seen. he couldnt walk five steps without four of them being sexy. for a week after his death all people wanted to talk about was his life, his mysterious passing, and all the times he blew our minds. this was a picture i took at the Troubadour in 2008 and almost got roughed up by his security when i was told to delete it immediately. fortunately i had texted it to my dear mother. what was notable about this performance was it was almost exclusively jazz, prince barely sang, it cost $100, and two of the kardashians were a few feet above me. i left disappointed, but i was royally disappointed in april. RIP Prince
in may i ubered these brentwood school girls to a party in the hills of beverly and then whined about them when i got home. RIP Drake
in june, boxing great Muhammad Ali died and newspapers from east to west paid tribute to him by putting his picture on the front page. except the LA Times, my favorite paper, the one i had loved for decades and subscribed to through thick and thin. they claimed the news came at them “after deadline” which drew criticism when newspapers in New York City seemed to have no problem printing the news despite the time difference. when my subscription ended in november i didn’t renew and the times didnt go out of their way to get me back. RIP subscription
in july there were a rash of murders of black men by mostly white police. some of the killings were documented on video and when the united states of america saw it they were outraged because in some of the instances the police lied in their reports (before they knew a tape had been made), and zero of them went to jail. many of the men were unarmed when they were killed and when one police officer asked why he shot the man laying on this back with his arms up, he said I Dont Know. there were marches around the country and in LA the protesters formed an impromptu peace symbol in Inglewood just over the 405. the phrase black lives matter was formed but the courts and the police departments were all LOL. RIP black men
in august the phone rang and the breathy slightly east coast femmey voice whispered who are you wearing? i said montgomery ward. she said take me to supper and then take me to the stars. it was zulieka, she had gotten a divorce and an airline ticket to america. she was in town. in a convertible in malibu. how quickly could i get to santa monica? i said, ask anyone: quickly. RIP plans
i september in chicago, like most refined cub fans. the weather is beautiful, the beer is cold and usually bleacher seats are reasonably priced. this year the cubs were so far in first place that the demand was low even though every game was sold out. weird how that works. but my buddy bob secured a ton of tix and even made tshirts as we had quite the night. RIP st. louis
in october the cubs faught their way through the playoffs and into the world series. tickets for the three games at wrigley were going for $4k-$20k each. someone asked me if i was going. i said i dont have $4k. they said why dont you try a gofundme. i said, well that sounds crazy and it will be embarrassing if it doesnt work but who cares, the cubs are in the world series woooooooo. and my friends all chipped in and there i was back in the bleachers of wrigley field but for the world series. and in the second row! i still dont believe it. RIP entire bucket list
in november the cubs won the world series and i was still in chicago just in case this would happen and i went to the parade where they say 5 million people were, and people were literally dancing in the street. we all were. it was like nothing i ever expected. and way better. me and my mom went to wrigley and said hi to harry caray at his grave. less than a week later america would vote for hillary but america would deem donald trump the president. RIP america
in decemeber we all realized we are gonna die and nothing matters any more.