shits fucked right now in the usa

the most dangerous place for a child to be is in school believe it or not

guns kill more kids than anything else.

18 kids died yesterday and one party was outraged and the other was all whoops

whoops because one party gets millions and millions of dollars from the gun lobby to keep their mouths shut

i can be bought. true. especially now.

but even i, whore as i may be, has a line.

i dont even have kids but i cherish them. i know a little what it takes to raise them.

actually i dont know anything about that life. but still. it seems very hard. time consuming. painful. tiresome. burdensome.

to be honest i dont see the payoff, but my friends are no dummies and they keep having kids and havent eaten any of them yet. so there must be something there.

therefore we should protect them.

or at least find a new way for them to die other than this very silly one: guns.

wtf.

yeah me neither.

stopped by my man dave’s pad last night with amber and we were chit chatting for a little. his boys were even more adorable than they are on instagram.

funniest thing happened though. one of them was laughing at me holding this giant sword. the thing was almost as tall as he is.

and he was waving it at me laughing.

then he did the best thing, he started pretending the sword was a rifle.

i was all, are you shooting me with your sword?

he laughed harder and shook his head.

Yes! Pew Pew Pew.

then the other one goes, now imma shoot you wif my gun!

and he runs and retrieves this giant Batmobile.

i say thats not a gun thats a car.

he says not any more and he clicks a button and two missiles rocket out at me, clipping my arm.

remind me to get one of those blood packs the next time i visit them to freak them out.

such sweet kids. so much energy. so many hot wheels.

as we were leaving they were fighting each other a little. i asked the older one, does your little brother ever win?

he said, no, he kwhys.

i said all my ex girlfriends used that technique on me.

and it works.

yes.

i would make the worst dad.

is russia gonna invade us?

probs.

is china gonna help them?

if they were smart.

is china smart?

not with all that fucking pollution theyre not.

is the world going to speed up global warming with a republican president and a republican congress and republican governors pretty much everywhere?

we would only be so lucky if the icebergs all melted and flooded florida instead of dealing with the nuclear winter we are gonna have once all the bombs are accidentally and then on purposelly fired off at iran and korea and milwaukee and paris.

is mike pence secretly gay?

no, he’s just an asshole. gay people have style.

is rihanna a slut?

we really cant go around saying that women have the right to do with their bodies what they want and then run around even allowing that word to even exist.

what word?

good boy.

But cotton candy is totally 100% legal