very fun, super smart, big titted hot chick. but i am going to sleep with her. and i havent mastur-you know- in almost a week. and i have porn playing on my tv right now. and she is incredibly soft. and her roommate is gone. and she has a great bed. and i have like 100 condoms.

its an experiment in stupidity. the idea is to rile myself up so much while i write this dirty novel, that hopefully, as it gets written, it will get hotter and more crazed with each turn of the page.

heres how i got the date, since the kids always ask me how i do it:

Superhotbabe: did you leave yet?

dumbme: no

dumbme: im about to go in the shower

Superhotbabe: ok, are you sleeping over

dumbme: ok do you want me to?

Superhotbabe: well, its up to you

dumbme: actually its up to you

Superhotbabe: well it could be fun

Superhotbabe: I am inviting you

Superhotbabe: but it is up to you to accept

dumbme: i accept

Superhotbabe: ok

dumbme: maybe you should wear something sexy

Superhotbabe: you think?

dumbme: i need to be riled up as i write

Superhotbabe: hmmmm

dumbme: i dont need to be

dumbme: but i think it would be good

dumbme: for the art

Superhotbabe: you got it, now get in the shower

dumbme: can i put this chat on my page?

Superhotbabe: sure

dumbme: i’ll change your name… slightly

Superhotbabe: ok

dumbme: thanks!

Superhotbabe: see you soon

dumbme: probably 915

Superhotbabe: ok

dumbme: do you want a burger?

Superhotbabe: come in and get a parking pass

Superhotbabe: no, i already ate

dumbme: ok

dumbme: do you need anything?

Superhotbabe: no, i’m good thanks

dumbme: k bye!

Superhotbabe: bye

there you have it, all my secrets revealed

for your ass.

bastard family + twisted fans + pressure zone

hi. my name is tony. youre my local gentleman’s club and i would like to write a blog for you.

whats a blog? its a web page where i would document the day to day activities of your club.

dont worry, i would leave out all the monkey business and top secret stuff. and i would make up good junk to keep the kids from being bored.

why do you need a blog? oh man, im so glad you asked that!

i think you need a blog because the few times ive been there it was empty. that was good news to me cuz i got paid so much attention it wasnt even really fair, but thats not the way you really want things to stay do you?

maybe you do.

maybe its all a big front.

maybe its all just a little front. regardless, i think i could do this and do it right for you.

strip clubs are all pretty much the same. i know people will disagree but fuck them. what are the top three strip clubs in america?

theres the mitchell brothers place in frisco. theres scores in nyc. and then what… one of the places in vegas?

call me crazy, but a kickass blog about a hollywood hole-in-the-wall strip joint on hollywood blvd could help raise said club to #4 in the nation: on recognition alone.

think about all the tourists who come to LA. half of them are men. and half of them are unattached. maybe half of them would be interested in seeing some california girls dance around and take off their pants.

do a blog right, cheetahs, and when those men come to LA they will be asking directions to hollywood blvd. and not to see mann’s chinese theatre, i assure you.

ok i dont assure you, but i bet ya.

i’ll bet ya thirty grand.

pay me thirty grand over a year, let me show up at the club around dinner time and stay till close 5 nights a week and after six months if i havent increased traffic in that place cuz of a dumbass blog, then i will give you thirty grand.

ok, twenty grand.

ok nothing.

i cant bet you anything, im broke, but you know it would help.

and if you cant get me thirty grand, how about twenty and free drinks?

your pal,

tony

p.s. the kids tell me im a really good righter

ultrablognetic + a dog named clipper + zak + alecia made a photo essay!