she was clearly eating cherries. as you know there is no eating, drinking, or loud music allowed on the bus.

youre not even supposed to have unnecessary conversations with the operator. but hot chicks can get away with whatever they want.

ive never understood that.

do we as men really think that if we’re simply nice to a pretty girl that she will become overwhelmed with the desire to procreate with us?

i seriously think we do.

i know the busdriver sure was checking her out eating those cherries in his rearview. i sure know the sleepy guy with his security uniform on was watching every bite. i sure know the two armenian guys speaking armenian were talking about her and smiling and whispering and then laughing and looking.

even my buddy with his little brown sack deceptively hiding his morning can of pabst had both his blood shot eyes checking her out.

and then there was me. your hero. i too watched her because it was amazing. full on disregard to the laws of the bus was going on right in front of me, and nobody cared.

if anything they were jazzed by it.

i put my nose back into salingers nine stories thinking about how perfect “a perfect day for banannafish” is and how i will never be able to write that way in a zillion years, never mind a million.

and soon our girl wrapped her cherry stems into her awaiting papertowel, she then folded that into the ziplock sandwich bag, and then stuffed it into her hello kitty leather purse.

only thing she could have done more unconsiousable would have been if she had poured herself a coffee from a thermos and then lit up a smoke.

instead she asked me what time it was and i nodded to the new overhanging l.e.d. signs that have been installed that say “stop requested” for the hearing impared, and then show the date and time so you know how late youre running.

another nice thing the mta did during the strike was agree that anyone who had an October bus pass could use that one until the end of the year.

which is probably a good thing to do since the passes will go up in price by 20% in january.

tonight my girlfriend paris hilton will be on tv but im stuck doing laundry at karisas.

damn my terrible luck.

in other news: noooooooooooooooooo

no left turn unstoned + amy + biz stone, genius

any house i live in, any town i live in, any planet i glide around in, i cant get the howard stern show on my radio clearly.

when i lived in frisco it was on some san jose station that you could barely hear in the city.

here in LA its on 97.1 which for some idiotic reason comes in terribly in hollywood. doesnt matter what radio i have it playing on.

so lately ive been listening to danny partridge and some chick.

its so bad that its encouraging.

listening to danny and this chick every morning i realize that anyone can have a radio show, anyone can make good money, anyone can be a star.

it means that maybe, just maybe, some of the ideas i have about taking over the world, i mean, the media, can come true.

i kid.

i just want to take over this blog.

i want this thing to be better, funnier, faster, tighter.

i want to see more people borrow from the design of this thing, to take a chunk from the style, etc.

last year we saw lots of people interview themselves, or interview their blogs, or interview inanimate objects.

this year im finally seeing some photo essays out there.

and recently it seems like everyone is audblogging.

im sure its just a coincidence. but its a nice one.

imitation is the highest form of flattery and flattery will get you everywhere.

made lust to a beautiful girl last night, america.

i have these huge windows right next to my bed and i have this little area where the blinds dont close all the way, and i get super paranoid that people will be able to see through that little area while im performing very intimate acts, so i usually put a pillow there.

this hot chick always rolls her eyes at me when i do this, and of course last night i noticed that we were RIGHT NEXT to the crack in the drapes and anyone who walked past could have seen things that theyve probably only seen at the end of that paris hilton sampler.

so i put the pillow there.

then we went about our business.

and after it was over i rang the little bell and the swedish interns came in with towels and cold drinks i noticed that the pillow had totally been kicked aside.

and my gorgeous visitor said Good cuz she thinks im nuts.

im not nuts.

just very shy, deep down.

but i could still beat danny partridges ass on the radio.

jarrett + doc searls + seliot

and ive been watching the reagans? and i even watched the reagans panel discussion that was also shown on showtime?

discussion: dumb

mini series: pretty good

cbs fucked up by not airing it. i don’t care what their numbers were this past month. they sold out to the right, they’re the bitch of the conservatives, and they let the rich and elite do their programming, soon they’ll be asking jeb bush how they should bang their wives.

james brolin does an excellent reagan. scary good. finally i consider this guy an actor.

as for the whiners on the right who bitched about it. they need to chill.

they need to stop mimicking rush and drudge and oreilly and all the others out there who squoosh their faces and waggle their fingers. reagan for all his phoniness and bungling and arms for hostages was totally loved by a ton of people in this country.

he doesn’t need your fucking help. nor does his legacy. no miniseries on cbs is going to bring his dying ass down.

still alive and there’s an airport and a freeway named after him.

everyone gave him a pass on his economics. everyone believes he singlehandedly destroyed communism.

everyone, including me, thought he was funny

but of course i think a lot of things are funny.

(pictured)

republicans are in the drivers seat and they’ve been in the drivers seat since reagan. only two things have derailed them temporarily 1) their incessant bitching 2) their undying lust affair with the bush clan.

if the right simply approached politics as unemotional businesspeople and economists they would come across as more intelligent, less fascist, and far more interesting.

bill oreilly and matt drudge look and sound like they went to the exact same back alley to get sticks shoved up their asses.

oreilly cant even sit straight.

drudge cant do anything straight.

watch rush fidget and readjust.

i don’t want to identify with someone who has something stuck up their ass.

that’s not where my inspiration comes from.

an optimist, and americans are known for their optimism, finds great value in possibilities

where is the enlightend visionary of the right, bubbling over with hope for the future, pride from the past, and finger on the pulse of today. courageous enough to embrace the responsibility of leadership and stand up to the rising tide of mediocrity while affecting positive change in the face of empty fears and baseless cowardice.

wherever he or she is, i bet they’re not sweating bullshit made-for-tv movies.

i had thanksgiving with my truest

coyote‘s incredible travel photos + sara and dan and tofurky + souptree

people are stepping down. feelings are getting hurt.

let me tell you right now. i do NOT want to head up Disney. send the wheelbarrows home. send the dancing girls back to where they belong. and for the love of pete send Pluto back. i like Goofy, not Pluto.

plus i just want to write. i just want to travel the globe. i just want to blog.

i dont want to fix Disney.

i would blog about Disney. i would blog about Hollywood Records. I would blog about Tsar touring on Hollywood Records with what will most probably be the hottest rock record of 2004. but im not going to fix the mouse.

if i were to fix the mouse i would start with bible stories. disney loves to take old, uncopywritten stories and water them down. the old testament is full of stories they could plunder. they did a halfassed job with Prince of Egypt but havent really tried with much else.

if Disney came out with a bible story each Christmas every year for the next 20 years it would appease the so called religious right and it would open up the good book and so many of the great stories in there for people around the world.

then i would overhaul ABC. only thing worth watching on abc nowadays is madden doing monday night football.

first thing i would do is bring back american bandstand with dick clark, but it would be an hour and it would be on friday nights at 7pm and it would have huge stars and up n comers. then there would be music videos till midnight. and at midnight there would be the ABC Rock Concert.

and it would rock.

this week the Strokes, next week Marilyn Manson, the week after that Slayer.

Christina Aguilera had her live concert on the WB last night. nobody talked about it, nobody watched it, nobody cared. ABC shoulda shown that shit. and it shoulda been on at midnight.

according to jim? gone.

nightline? gone.

threat matrix and extreme makeover? GONE.

i would take conan or howard stern and i would give them the late night slot against leno and dave. i would destroy them.

oprah would get off her black ass and find her way into prime time. sure she’d still do the afternoon thing, but abc is blowing it by letting her coast. work that ho. have her introduce movies like they do on amc.

monday night baseball would come back on abc, and saturday afternoon baseball would debut. its the national pasttime, bitches. show some respect. and what could be finer than waking up with john miller on a saturday afternoon to give you the Game of the Week?

nothing.

the Disney movie would be on Thursdays. quit it with trying to hoard those tapes. show them on abc too. in primetime against Friends. the people buy your stupid Dumbo tapes anyhow. many times over.

ok, my 15 minute break is over, but once again i dont want to run the studio, i just want to blog about it.

thanks anyhow

tp

green{e}house effect + soundbitten + buzzmachine

was our girl splink’s 23rd birthday.

hard to tell since everything about her is a mystery.

you’d think that after a year of linking her and talking about her and occasionally emailing and chatting i’d have a little info on her but i dont.

and she coulda come to one of the tsar shows lately and said hi or i coulda gone to the troubadour and looked around for a runway model trying to hide, but neither of us did that. and its not my style. i like to give people their space.

flagrant k. splink was born in the wisconsin dells in the back seat of a chevy cutlass during tommy bartlett water show. always the jokester she would hold her mommas hand in the mall and suddenly scream, IM BEING KIDNAPPED! and then laughing her little girl head off when the security arrived.

soon she became a runway model but didnt like the hours. only chanel would allow her to work from 6p – 9p Monday thru Wednesdays but even that became tiresome to our girl, who quit and became a porsche saleswoman in encino.

she broke all sorts of sales records and quit when she met a young black college basketball player named lamar.

they made beautiful love all over hollywood, santa monica, and the valley. they made such a stunning couple. he was tall and dark and chiseled, she was thin and pale and had super long blonde hair that she liked to whip around when they were being reckless in parking lots, against palm trees and in her luxury box at staples.

the romance ended when he moved to italy to turn pro.

she moped and wrote and learned how to paint and take photographs.

some of her drawings you can now see on her blog, which, by the way is one of my favorites.

definitely in my top 5.

of all time.

i still dont really know what she looks like or if shes even a she, but i think she is.

her travel writing is some of the best ive ever read.

shes a star no matter what she does.

we’re all so very lucky to read what she writes.

please join me in wishing fragrant a happy birthday + my interview with her last year