ken layne has never been a consipiracy theorist

as far as i remember. he believes in aliens, and free love, and country music to save the world, but i never recall him saying that oswald didnt act alone.

but he is desperately trying to get me to believe that courtney killed her golden goose with that shotgun blast.

Layne: Nah. Totally different writing … by a different hand.

me: same hand, same writing. it’s even lefty.

Layne: That heroin dose would’ve put him out way quicker than some serious Anesthesiologist dose before open-heart surgery. I don’t think you have to be a Conspiracy Freak to realize the “real” part of that note was a “I’m retiring from rock ‘n roll” note, not a suicide note.

me: you and i have both done heavy amounts of smack. i mean beer. and if we got hit by a truck and they peeled us open they would all say, “that fucker shot up more, i mean drank more beer than should kill a billygoat.” so fuck those “doctors” who 100 years ago were putting leeches on people to see if they were witches. and who still cant cure a common cold.

Layne: (Everything after his signature is obviously bogus. How many times do you sign your name to a note and then write a bunch of nonsense in giant retard font??)

me: how many times have you added a thought to something? all the time. and hello, but wasnt it mr. kurt cobain who wrote in journals all his life? didnt they publish some of those journals? didnt he add thoughts to a page all the time? ive written in huge fonts under the influence. its not that unsual. and its called genius, not retarded.

Layne: (Hadn’t Kurdt been in LA, holed up and painting, for six-odd months before this went down? The dude loved the indie world in ways I’ll never totally understand, but it was his world and he did not enjoy the designer-dress McMansion world Ms. Love brought to the mix with his money.)

me: i thought he was in LA going through rehab. they call that “painting” nowadays? now who is the revisionist? and secondly kurt loved designer dresses. almost as much as you do.

Layne: If I died tonight — even if it looked (on the slim surface) like a suicide — my wife would be the first suspect. The spouse is *always* the primary suspect. (I was a police & courts reporter for several years, ‘though anybody can learn this from a Court TV session.) And if there is money and / or a child involved, the spouse is generally the Only Suspect. C. Love made tens of millions off Kurt’s death, and she got to keep their child. (Although the drug addict psycho finally lost the child to Cobain’s family this year.)

me: Laura is an angel, how dare you! but back to Courtney, first she was white. white women always get to keep the kids. also Kurdt would have earned her way more than tens of millions. just co-writing Hole records alone she might have earned $100 million. no need to kill the golden goose. kurt was too much a pussy to get rid of courtney. he wasnt going anywhere. plus he was a poppa. thus the suicide. just like half his family did. just like he swore to us that he wasnt going to do.

Layne: Forget the motives of the site-makers — people always come up with conspiracy theories when the dead person is famous — and just take a look. And ask yourself if anything here sounds odd. Who took Kurt’s credit card and kept trying to charge it until he was found dead?

me: it’s a crime to take your spouse’s credit card? if you ask me thats the best part of getting married. next to having someone to yell at, of course.

Layne: Why did Courtney shut off his credit card?

me: cuz he was using his credit card for drugs like whitney?

Layne: Why couldn’t Courtney take the trouble to go to Seattle to find her “missing” husband?

me: i believe she was promoting the Hole record. which was quite good.

Layne: Why did the police wait a month to check the gun for prints? Why couldn’t they find Kurt’s prints?

me: because Courtney had paid them off? what are you implying? cuz cops are lazy. ask oj. ask the strokes. ask r. kelly.

Layne: Why was Courtney at an Arizona spa fucking that Smashing Pumpkins guy three weeks after Kurt’s death, while she fed stories to the press about how she was grieving at home?

me: cuz he was hot, cuz shes a ho, cuz she was sad, cuz he was going to help her write her her best single ever, cuz he’s a ho, cuz courtney if you havent noticed is what we call impulsive. and lives through this. and because the press is precisely who you should lie to, constantly.

Layne: Why did Courtney hire electricians to do work on the greenhouse right after Kurt “killed himself” in that structure?

me: who did you expect her to call, Trading Spaces?

Layne: Why did she later claim (to Rolling Stone) that there was a “real” suicide note left under her pillow in the Seattle house, even though the house had been searched?

me: she told everyone that, including the cops. the cops read it. it was personal. it probably said stuff that we wouldnt want to read like, “im killing myself because deep down theres a woman inside of me struggling to get out which is why i married a man and why i wrote better songs for you than i wrote for my own band.” in which case, THANK YOU COURTNEY!

Layne: Why did she greet the 10-year anniversary of Kurt’s death with a frenzy of planted news stories about her — topless on Letterman, maybe arrested, always making sure any Kurt publicity helps her worthless PR campaign?

me: because courtney love first and formost is a punk rocker. then she is a saleswoman. then she is an earner. she had a record to huck. her first true solo one. and it sucks. so radio play alone isnt enough. what would have been truly suspicious would have been if she just sat around and not done a thing with her music career. then i would believe she killed her man for the money.

pinch the tail + how appalling + flagrant + blog bandit

karisa has a huge poster of johnny damon in her room

whenever i go over there i put magic marker on his hair to make it look more like it is now. she thinks hes dreamy. i call him unfrozen caveman and she throws things at me. i mean it in nice ways. she knows. i think she likes throwing things at me.

the subway just hung out at the vermont sunset station today for five minutes for no apparent reason. just enough time for him to miss the transfer train going to wilshire western. as mayor of la i promise that i will insist that the subway drivers have to radio each other when the get to a transfer station so that when the good citizens of this town who are helping out cut down on traffic congestion and smog and helping the enviornment wont have to see the train leave the station just as theyre running down the stairs.

hey bro we’re running a little late

how come

cuz i hung out at the vermont sunset station for no good reason.

ok, when will you be here?

20 seconds.

ok, i’ll wait for your slow ass.


what i want to be is the mayor of isla vista. what i want is to be anywhere than here. what i want is to be one of those guys who drives one of those flatbed trucks that has a huge billboard on it that says drink cherry pepsi.

i could do that job.

what i want to do is be in connecticut tonight as the womens basketball team wins another title for uconn and report to you how theyre burning down their campus.

if i had any job in the world it would be to drive around and report the news of america to you.

yesterday i woulda been in cincy for the cubs opener and i woulda driven all night to make it to uconn for the game today.

then id double back and make it to wrigley for the cubs home opener.

nobody could do that job the way i could.

not drudge cuz hes a sellout towelboy, not wil wheaton cuz he cant whrite, and not those fuckers who gave the la times all those pulitzers. if the times was that good they wouldnt need a staff of a thousand to cold call los angelinos each day 5 times a day to beg them to subscribe.

i let them call me.

i was hoping bunnie metrosexual was going to be at the tsar show. i was hoping splink was going to be at the tsar show. i was hoping lots of people were going to be there but they werent and you know what, it was still fun.

but i still want to travel the country and write about it to you.

mist + aaron’s baseball blog + sk smith