every time me and anna break up it’s the same routine.

she’ll say shes in town which is about once a week and she’ll pick me up at work and drive me home.

and maybe first we’ll stop off at the best buy or a boutique on melrose or at arbys or at amoeba and at first shes a fucking cold fish because shes mad at me about something and holding it in or if things are going well we’ll tickle each other walking down the aisles or i’ll put my hand on her ass because its meant to be there and she’ll slap it away

and say omg i cant believe you just did that or i’ll walk in her path and sorta direct her into the wall by my intentionally retarded walking or i’ll just walk superclose to her and pretend im not and alls great until we start getting to my house

and then she breaks up with me.

sometimes its cuz she’ll swear shes in love with enrique. sometimes its cuz she swears im in love with the swedish chick or the hawaiian chick or clipper girl or my true love or the cuban or raymi or martha washington

or some one. sometimes its cuz she says my apartment is always so fucking filthy or cuz the tabloids would go nuts if they ever found out or its cuz my dicks so big it hurts jk or cuz i watch too much tv or cuz all we ever do is fuck or cuz i dont wanna marry her or cuz like boys ii men we’ve hit the end of the road.

at this point i dont even pay attention to the reason cuz to me all it is are the demons in her head turning a good thing into a bad thing. the opposite of turning water into wine, these demons turn omg omg into whines.

i dont mean that in a mean way i mean that in a sad way like doesnt it suck that someone cant just enjoy the enjoyment someone who cant begin the beguine someone who is in a position where something that makes them so happy also bums them out so much that theyre willing to stop the one thing that truly gets their juices flowing now that shes put down her tennis racket

and broadened her horizons.

so either we’ll sit in her limo and fight for like a minute and then she’ll cry and then we’ll work things out in like minutes and cuz im an idiot i will agree to whatever she proposed which is usually no more lovin and then before i know it we’re making out, and the evening always ends in a series of one last kisses.

one more juicier and delectable and memorable
than the last.

i’ll whisper something like its cuz im black isnt it and she’ll chuckle and kiss me so deep and hard as if she wants to remember this for forever too cuz it is amazing and so unlikely and very good when its good

which is all of the time except when shes breaking up with me.

she was all who are you going to coachella with and i was all i dont know if im going and she was all but you have to go and i was all but everything got screwed up it was a mess the only reason i wanted to go was if i could get a photo pass and i got one then i didnt then i did again and now i dont and she kissed me and rubbed her cheek against me as we stood in the hallway leaned up against my bukowski poster and she said do you have backstage and i said i think so and she was all then you have to go and i was all eh

i have worked for the xbi directly and indirectly for nearly 15 years now, i went to the greatest college of its day with the coolest people, ive made out with the hottest girls, ive seen all the greatest concerts, i told her with one hand down the back of her jeans palming her thonged tanned ass digging my knee just a little higher than necessary, ive done it all and now i know why all the great poets died before fourty.

and anna said well thats why the lord wants us to have kids, so it’ll give us something to do, something that makes us appreciate our free time and our opportunity to listen to a zillion bands in the heat of the desert.

and i said fine then i’ll go. which wasnt the answer that she was looking for nor was my response when she asked me who i was taking.

but the joke was on me for after anna left and i called my wouldbe date and asked her if she would like to go to the show with me and after she said yes i asked her what band she really wants to see

and did she say weezer or the raveonettes or m83 or k-os or wilco or sage francis (pictured, with bunny mc),

of course not

she said snow patrol bauhaus and coldplay.


and the reason you want to date smart girls gentlemen is not for their taste in popular music

its so that they can tell you right before you say you dont want to go they can tell you hey go see spoon while i watch coldplay, thats probably whats gonna happen at eleven, all the boys are gonna see spoon and all the girls are gonna see coldplay

and tomorrow i will have pictures for your asses.

doc breaks it down + ipod table + blinkorama + kimbalina

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