theres a dilemma in the house of fun

even though for some reason i dont seem to have any problems getting women. i do seem to have problems getting the women i dont have.

im sure if i was patient i would get them, but when youre as old as i am you dont wanna play the game of cat and mouse.

all you want to have happen is, she puts down her drink, leans over the table, and whispers in your ear

youre my favorite writer ever and i want you to ravish me later.

two girls came over tonight and couldnt have been more annoying. i wonder if they do this to everyone or if they were just trying to be cute. it wasnt cute.

everything the one girl would say shed say with a sneer and everything the other girl would say shed upspeak like she was asking a question. almost like she was trying to sound dumb as fuck.

but i didnt care because she had a bikini top on and booty shorts.

i tried to esp them so hard that i literlly put my fingers on my temples and said to myself

either start making out or leave immediately.

bitchy girl was all omg what ARE you doing?

i was like, im ESPing you.

bitch was all could you be more ridiculous?

i went

kiss your friend right now or get back on your broom and motor.

skank said who the hell says motor these days?


and bootie shorts girl looked amazed at both me and her friend and her friend was all i dont know what youre talking about and i ran into the kitchen and i ran back out with a bottle of vinegar and i threw it at her and i said OUT YOU WITCH GET OUT OF MY HOUSE

and the vinegar burned her wrists and legs and everywhere that i poured it and she screamed and smoke curls formed like plastic had been lit on fire and she grabbed for her friend as she hauled ass at the door but i slapped her hand away

and slammed the door behind her, grabbed my crucifix from my nearby briefcase and held it up and readied the remains of the vinegar but the witch had gone.

and when i turned around for a minute i was nervous that my bikini topped friend was also a witch so i winced when i shook some vinegar at her

and i licked that shit off when it became obvious that she had passed the test.

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