ive lived half my life already and ive seen some huge improvements

lauren at pridei lived in a time when tvs only had four channels

i lived in a time when there were zero video games.

then there was one. then there were two.

i lived in a time when calculators cost over $100 and when gas cost less than $1 a gallon.

i lived in a time before air bags in cars. when it was ok to smoke in a plane.

i went to college at a time when most of the kids didnt have computers.

when there was zero internet or email.

only recently was there a black man as president.

for most of my life not everyone could get married, in America.

but that changed.

you now can legally buy marijuana, a plant that has never killed anyone, in several states.

and we have these magical devices. they call them phones.

but theyre nothing like the phones i grew up with.

these know where you are. these can answer almost every question. they can translate all the languages.

they can take photos and send them around the world in an instant.

they can play every song miles davis ever recorded

these phones will unlock once it senses your finger print.

it can tell you how many miles you walked that day, that month, that year.

these so called phones are fairly new to this planet

they exist because we discovered there was a need and we allowed that need to be satisfied.

we have a need to limit the amount of gun violence in this beautiful country

and i am certain that before the second half of my life is over

that we will solve this problem too.

and the Cubs will win the world series

and families wont go bankrupt if someone gets sick.

and money will be removed from politics.

and people will actually start reading the bible instead of just talking about it.

thats what i think.

today is the truest’s birthday, shes 24

chris and africans

almost everything you need to know about todays birthday girl is in this picture.

when everyone was getting high, making money, going to cocktail parties with meliania

chris went to africa to save the poorest of the poor. the blackest of the black.

she joined the peace corps, volunteered at an orphanage filled with kids whos parents died of AIDS or wars.

some of the kids were handicapped some were emotionally screwed up.

two tried to kill themselves by throwing themselves into the Victoria River

but Chris, once a member of the UCSB Women’s Crew Team, jumped into the river and saved them

a year later she returned to the river, with the youngsters, and they took pictures to celebrate her bravery

orphansand selflessness.

some in the village called her a ghost. some a witch. some just called her America.

America saved two orphans, someone said in Lugandan, the language of Uganda.

You lie! said another.

and a sound was heard in the distance, then a dusty image, then a rollicking cab filled with people

some even on the roof.

and then it stopped.

and out came three wet souls. one white and two black.

and off they climbed from the roof.

and they all collapsed before they could get into the orphanage. they were exhausted.

but alive.

and the one said to the other SEE! SEE WHAT THE AMERICAN GHOST DID!

today Chris lives in New Mexico where she donates blood every week.

and listens to NPR on her solar powered radio.

she is the very best this country is all about.

Hillary should make her the VP.

she said my whole life has been a lie. will you marry me?

tightrope wedding

i said do you renounce your past?

she said yes YES!

i said do you take back all the horrible things youve said about me?

she said oh god yes!

i said will you go back in time with me?

she said ummmm sure!

i said will you go back in time with me and get hitched in Europe?

she said, fuck yeah

i said will you get married on a tightrope with me in the past when everything was black and white?

she said this is exactly why i want you.

i said, wait till you see where we go for the honeymoon

i interviewed a great photographer yesterday for work

just be coolnext week we will publish it.

he’s lived, in many ways, a blessed life, and i told him that

he didnt deny it.

he got to hang and work with warhol, mae west, groucho

i asked him about new technology and did he adapt to it.

he said he had to, but he also leaned on his assistants to do that sort of thing.

he said he loves the dark room and thinks all young photographers should spend some time in there

i asked if he still spends time in there.

he said no.

i asked if there was ever a picture that he didn’t take?

he said i dont know what you mean.

i said at the oscars this year i was running around trying to find leo dicaprio so i could snapchat him real quick for the kids, and as i was looking i saw sly stallone at the bar

and he looked totally dejected because he didnt win in his category

it had been 40 years since he was last nominated. and there he was with a beer on the bar. not drinking it. and he was looking right at me with his sad eyes

and he was all alone. and i could have taken the picture and it would have been great

the ultimate agony of defeat pic, but i felt so badly for him that i didnt take it.

i said have you ever been in that situation?

he said, yes, i was once having dinner with audrey hepburn…

if theres one thing i love love love love love about my job and hollywood and beverly hills and LA

it’s that people can always top my stories.

always.

fascinating watching the GOP lose their minds right now

im with racist donald trumpthey pretend theyre the party of lincoln but we all know thats a lie.

theyre the party of the one percent.

they dont want to tax those who could actually pay tax

they want to blow up whoever disagrees with them

and right now they wanna blow up their own nominee.

why? because he is too much like them.

he is the Uber GOP: he has no real ideas, he has no love for what is truly lovable about this country, and the only reason he is where he is is because of the banks.

just like them.

but unlike them he says what is in his head. unlike him he can’t hide his racism and ignorance and spite.

and why should he? letting his id run the show has made him richer than he could have ever dreamed of being, and famous, and gotten him yuuuuuge ratings on tv.

if it aint broke!

but the GOP leaders are clearly used to holding the strings over their boys and girls. how do we know this? because they’re freaking out that they cant tell trump what to do and say. they yearn for Mitt even though Mitt lost and Mitt proved that Obamacare worked. doesnt matter, he would jump when they told him to.

trump aint jumping for anyone except for that drunk Bart Simpson in his head who says cowabunga every time he sees a pretty girl or a Muslim.

they say politics is about power. but the GOP are showing it’s also about control. sadly control is an illusion and the party who brought the world w, mcain, palin, mitt, lying ted, little marco, that lady from hp, herman cain, paul ryan, and smart glasses rick perry probably wishes that their whole job right now was to go back to trying to scare the masses about terrorism, abortion huts, and death panels

because theyre about to lose the white house, and probs both houses of congress.

this is the party that has owned talk radio, owns all the biggest corporations, went to the best schools, know all the right people, but has never had an agenda that benefitted the middle class. so they will lose (again) and their biggest nightmare is about to come true

hillary clinton is going to appoint four supreme court justices.

and the world will not implode

and america will say why did people ever vote republican?

and someone will say, same reason people used to use Internet Explorer:

it came with the system

today is michele’s birthday, shes 24

michelethe best things ive learned ive learned from women.

and the least likely things ive learned, i learned from my girlfriends

i have been extremely lucky with love.

these women have all been super smart, and thankfully patient, but most of all, genius

michele lived in malibu. i loved her family and fortunately they loved me right back. i tell these stories every year because i like to remember them.

the drive was always so long to get out there but it was always worth it. we talked a lot, she and i. we were so young. people worry but they shouldnt. some kids just like to talk with their gf/bf. hold hands and watch movies.

its weird that now i work right across the street from our favorite movie theatre: this little indie place that specialized in foreign films. i lived in inglewood at the time. i would drive to zuma, hang with her family and we would drive into hollywood and watch a movie, then id drive her home. then id drive back to inglewood.

it was a lot of driving. i was 20. what did i care. i loved her. what wasnt there to love? dark hair, red lips, blue eyes, pale skin and the most beautiful words from the most concerned mind. she was from another world. i was from the dirt. she was from the heavens.

she would see a whale in the sea and cry. shed stand by the railing and it would swim and she would see an entire novel. a mini series. she would weep during the sad parts and bawl during the happy parts. and it all took place in seconds. i didnt even look at the whale because there was a damn movie happening in her face. the weirdest and most beautiful movie. she’d apologize for crying and i’d apologize for not crying.

she taught me about poetry and journalism and the rest of my life has been about

well, not about whales.

not yet. that is.

Dear Associated Press,

bernieFor years you and the rest of the news media has hyped this election.

Barack Obama was barely into his second term when you and your cohorts were speculating what would happen during this election and who would win.

You can’t tell millions of people the day before their state’s elections that their vote doesn’t matter and think they’ll listen.

Why would you do that anyway?

If you wanted to write something interesting the day before the election that youve been hyping for years, you should have written about why people should always vote and all the weird things that have happened through the years when people actually voted.

Instead you wrote what you did and now millions of Hillary supporters may stay at home because they think their vote doesn’t matter.

And all the Bernie supporters will vote and the numbers will be far more interesting than even Nate Silver is predicting.

Oh that was your intent all along?

All right then.

See you at the polls tomorrow.

ten years ago today i became the editor of LAist

bbq LAist

thats right, on 6/6/06

Jake and Jen accepted the recommendation from outgoing LAist boss, Carolyn Kellogg,

and made me the first paid full time editor of the LA blog.

the first thing we did was have a big party at the Good Luck

where we drank and i begged everyone i knew to write for me

for free and make this thing bigger than ever

the pants tony pierce and big tanky

and they did it.

all these people, many who i had never met before, worked and wrote and

took pictures and interviewed people and went to games and shows

and covered LA in a beautiful way

jimmy and andy

and here was my secret. i let them be themselves.

it was the only way. it was the best way.

it was the way that helped us increase our audience by 1,500x in a year and a half.

when i started we had a staff of about 10. the same as blogging.la, our rival.

weirdly there were other local blogs that got more traffic than us.

but that wasnt the case after a year. after a year we were the most popular.

by a lot.

sarah and ali

we had anti reviewing weed, we had girls writing about video games

we had girls writing about dating in LA, we had so much news coverage it was crazy

we had Koga and Joey Maloney, who i had found on Flickr, suddenly taking great pictures for us

we built relationships with the concert venues, and promoters

with the Dodgers, with other blogs, but most importantly we built a great bond with LAlaist stats

it was more of an agreement. the deal was we were gonna write some great stuff, maybe 20 stories a day

and they better say nice things about us in the comments

or i was gonna get in those comments and tell em to go to hell.

it was a full court press. sxsw

heres the story and if you dont like it imma get you.

the other secret to the success was jake and jen let me be me

when they saw me telling people what part of hell they could visit and what family member they would find there,

they didn’t tell me to knock it off.

when i said after four months that i wanted to drive around the US and compare it to LA, they said fine, as long as you keep growing the site.

when i said i wanted to go to SXSW and have a party and a battle of the bands, they said, fine as long as you keep growing the site.

when i said i wanted to have bbqs at my house instead of treating the staff to drinks at a bar, they said, fine do whatever you want as long as it doesnt get us sued.

and they stuck to their word

i will always be so grateful of them for giving me that level of freedom with their baby.

their LA baby.

their baby that spun off the LA Beat and helped launch the careers of soooo many great writers and editors

i had a lot of fears ten years ago. i had a lot of confidence because this blog had done well and i had been fully trained at the Daily Nexus, but i was afraid that if i failed i would screw it up for all the other editors and writers who would (hopefully) follow me.

and once i went to the Times and we started forming LA Now, I was worried that LAist would be crushed.

fortunately none of my fears came true. fortunately LAist is its own thing and it has grown into something so unique and so vital to the LA scene that nothing will be able to crush it.

images-3so on this day, the tenth anniversary of Jake and Jen hiring me, i want to thank them of course for taking that chance.

i also want to, of course, thank Carolyn Kellogg for approaching me after the Blogging While Black panel at the 2006 SXSW and floating the trial balloon past me. Carolyn has done pretty well on her own, by the way, she is now the Books Editor at the LA Times.

and mostly i want to thank all of the people who contributed during my time there. it was a voluntary thing. they were doing it mostly because they wanted to write and be part of something. they wanted to talk about their neighborhoods. they wanted to eat Thai Food, they wanted to talk to bands and filmmakers,

and yes, they wanted to tell us what stanky green was out there and what we should look for.

it was a sprint that turned into a marathon. i barely left my house. i barely took a break. and in retrospect it’s probably the thing i’m most proud of in my life. images-1

but heres one thing i want to share.

when i got the gig, the first thing i did was drive to Las Vegas.

i got a nice hotel room, i brought a bunch of books and my laptop

and i wrote down all the best laid plans i could think of.

i ordered room service and just wrote and wrote and wrote plans and ideas and strategies and i spent like 15 minutes at the pool and then i went back up to the room and planned more. but heres what i learned from that experience: plans are crazy.

you can plan all you want but theres nothing like getting in the middle of it all and experimenting and vibbing off of your writers and seeing what the audience responds to and seeing how your staff reacts during crazy situations.

maybe the best idea we had was the Neighborhood Project. no way did i think that up in June in Vegas a decade ago.

so in retrospect heres what i should have done in Vegas a decade ago: ate, drank, and slept by the pool.

because i got very little sleep during my time at LAist. which was perfectly fine with me.

after i finish the bible this time through i may put it down

whatas you know i read the bible every sunday for an hour

it’s a deal i cut with the Lord that instead of going to church every sunday, i would read the bible for that hour, especially since that was always my favorite part of church

i became upset that they didnt spend more time on the gospel and instead wasted all this time with the ritual and ceremony and handshaking and money giving

and singing badly and the kneeling and the getting up and the sitting down

here you have a dude who is so into religion that he has given away all of his money, agreed not to have any sex or family

and the one big facetime he has with the public, 90 percent of it is scripted and a repeat of the week before.

i say let him talk. and i say let him talk about what it is in that bible that changed his life. and if he has seriously thrown away all of the earthly obstacles, then what he will say will be clear and honest and

maybe even a little inspiring.

but theres none of that. and if it is theres a motive. there should only be one motive: truth

so i read the bible every sunday, pretty much without fail, for like 15-20 years now.

hard to keep track, cuz really, whos counting.

anyways it isnt the joy it used to be. i know whats gonna happen. im not into it.chicago trib

you should be into something if youre trying to do it for holy reasons.

so i decided i will spend that time reading regular books.

i have a house full of incredible regular books, the kind i used to read in college

in isla vista, the most distracting place in the world.

how does anyone study there?

i used to think that i would give the college of creative studies a million if i ever won the lottery,

but even with a brand new building

yes in my world it only cost a million dollars to build

a sweetass building

but now im thinking i will just give it to robyn directly because

how do kids pay attention to anything in that world

how did i? and i read so much.

answer: there was no internet.

last night matt welch was in town because he was one of the guests in bill mahers hbo show, real time

i texted him and said if theres an afterparty let a brotha know

afterparty was in the courtyard of the boutique beverly hills hotel where everyone speaks french

fortunately for all of us i dabble in the francais

so i was all, matt welch, voila? and i pointed

they were all, oui!

and i was like merci baby

the bible is about heartbreak and mistrust.

its about anger and confusion and

Screen Shot 2016-06-04 at 12.34.40 PMmost of all,

disobedience,

for no good reason other than knuckleheadness.

after a while it gets depressing.

i took a lyft over to le hotel so i could drink

and it turned out hbo was paying for the drinks

so me basart and welch sat around and they asked me who i was gonna be voting for on tuesday

and i said willie wilson

and matt spit out his champaign and said

the speedy kc royal who swiped 668 stolen bases over his 19 year career?

and i said, yes and no

and i told them that i saw dr. wilson’s name on my sample ballot and i went to his website

and then his facebook page

and now im gonna vote for him.

and we toasted to our new friend

dr willie wilson from chicago

who never stole shit.

ali