zulieka’s unstrung

zuliekaan excerpt from her blog this morning:

I watched Freddy in the shower today; he is packed and moving out tomorrow. I think he is relieved. I watched him soap up, closely, measuring his shoulders among other features. I handed him a towel and wanted to dry him off myself, which he hates. I feel like he’s going off to a war zone. I thought I would be relieved too, but I am very sad. I don’t know what it is we are saying goodbye to–I don’t know who he is anymore. I’m sad that we once shared our dreams with each other, and then did not fight together to keep them alive.

The truth is, the separation is going to be easier for him, and even beneficial. He will be relieved of my corrosive criticism. Everyone thinks I’ll be just fine except they are worried that I’m going to be totally broke. My ten-year-old daughter said “Mom, how are you going to pay rent without Dad? I think you’re being naive.”

there was a time when i proudly said how all of my friends who got married were still married. then this one got divorced then that one then over the last couple years a bunch of them split up.

at first i thought that we, many of whom were raised in divorced homes, had figured it out.

but as it turns out, two people, who are hopefully continuing to grow, sometimes grow apart.

i suppose it’s normal to feel a bit like a failure when the happily ever after doesnt come true but in what part of our lives has forever-ever really been forever-ever?

remember when they told us that CDs could never get damaged?

i change my mind a half dozen times on a variety of things while driving from work to home every night: what im going to eat, what im going to drink, what im gonna watch on tv, which playmate im going to woo, which cubs hat im going to wear to bed.

how on earth did we ever expect two people, with equally changeable minds to change in unison?

the only way it would have worked would have been if the pair got married at 18, had kids at 21 and died at 39.

sadly we live a little longer than that these days.

i have seen people i never thought would ever even fight get divorced

and i have seen people who i never thought would last a second date stick together.

life is a crazy random illogical always surprising series of WTFs that sometimes ends with a warm body in your bed forever who you dont hate.

if you can sprinkle some love in there too

then you are the luckiest person on your block.

something tells me that zulieka will soon be filthy with men

who will gladly offer to dole some WTFs her way.

lets hope she chooses to write about it.

One thought on “zulieka’s unstrung

Leave a Reply