today was a hard day

most of them are not hard but today was

i went to bed early and woke up early, that part was fine

had a nice business meeting where the boss said nice things about me to everyone.

that was fine.

later i watched videos of this guy traveling the world and he does it in his own non bs way

and its inspiring and i want to do that but in a smaller scope

so that was fine

but somewhere in the middle bad things happened

and i saw a guy smoking crack at a bus stop bench

first i passed him and tweeted about it

then i did things and came back an hour later and he was still playing with that pipe

mesmerized by it

so much so he didnt notice me shooting video of him

i hope to be in love with a woman one day as much as he was in love with that pipe

can love do that?

have i been in that sorta love?

of course

ive stared into some eyes the way he was staring at the possibility of that tiny bulb

when people talk i look at their mouth

i know everything about their dentistry

but when i was an uber driver usually all i could see was their eyes

and now with these damn masks i melted into some eyes just the other day

but she was a sox fan

and we acknowledged right there that there would be no way

ive even forgotten her name because it is such an impossibility

but the real question is can someone my age truly become so obsessively in love as i did when i was younger

it is harder because back then you hadn’t done much so you imagine all the things love will be able to do for you

and you imagine all the things having a live-in naked partner could be like

and after a while you see what it really is

and worse you see how much you change in their presence

sometimes not for the best.

so can you fall hopelessly ever again?

guess

i wonder about my first girlfriend mary

we used to talk on the phone for hours every day. was it a year? more?

it was our internet.

never ran out of things to talk about.

how is that even possible?

there were three channels on TV and obviously i wasnt doing my homework

what on earth could two teens in the middle of nowhere be saying?

what opinions could have formed by then?

then she moved to california

then i moved to california

and then almost right away she was a mom with kids

and a man who turned out to not be great.

should there be fortune tellers?

just like in major situations like that: do NOT marry this man,

but i guess the kids. maybe the boys are good.

of course theyre good.

so maybe we dont need fortune tellers.

maybe some things are worth the sadness.

it would be weird to have dinner with her after all this time.

maybe too weird.

but she did teach me how to write every day.

we are going on the fourth month of my bachelorhood

it is weird not having a beautiful woman in my home.

after four years you get used to things.

one thing i got used to was her cooking for me.

and since i have been unemployed, it’s not like i can just have Postmates cook for me.

so i have been going to the store several times a week, i make all the things i like: ribs, shrimp, beyond meat, rice, pasta, and so many peas.

but my favorite thing to do is get a can of soup and dump a bunch of frozen peas in there, then some pieces of $5 rotisserie chicken and a starch of some sort.

the soup brings the flavors i would never be able to create.

lately ive been air frying some thick pieces of bread.

serves 1 all day.

i walk around hollywood all the time and their ghosts are everywhere

i can feel them. i have spidey senses. i dont talk to them. i dont hear them

but theyre there.

youre here too. in my heart. in my thoughts. in my prayers.

chaplin, keaton, houdini, kobain

mostly dudes.

vibes are everything to me. im not great at deciphering them but i know when theyre there.

hollywood blvd is just oozing with them.

the subway goes under it because all the recording studios on sunset didnt want the rumblings under them which is fine with me

because being under hollywood is almost as good as being in it.

because its all about creativity

making something new out of thin air

making something funny forever

making something classic and universal and inspiring for generations to come

bukowski lived here

he didnt die here

Lived