Monthly Archives: May 2021

took me a while but i finished Inside Out

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hadnt realized how much i forgot about that movie.

halfway through i was getting mad at Sad for fucking everything up and i was seriously wondering why Sadness is even necessary in life, let alone that small control center in the brain.

but of the many things i learned at college, when writing stories there’s a three step process:

introduce lovable characters,
then fuck them over royally
then watch them return to glory

so how can you have that arc if you don’t have sadness and anger and disgust right in the middle of it.

for every peak you need a valley

told all this stuff to my shrink today and she seemed impressed at how much i got out of the film

so how will you use this in your life, she asked me?

i said if i see a pretty girl who looks sad in a picture, i wont try to stand on my head to make her smile, i’ll just think to myself

there’s some good times heading that chick’s way.

i see my shrink today and we’re talking about emotions

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so i finished inside out and now i am seeing if, through my 20 years of writing this blog, if i have mentioned any of the emotions:

happiness / happy – 1,769
sadness / sad – 1,355
fear / afraid – 795
anger – 594
surprise – 385
angry – 155
disgust – 141

this is out of nearly 13,000 posts

what does this say about me?

i hope i find out

 

chris and i saw the lakers play to hundreds

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chris and i have been going to laker games for as long as staples center has been around which is nearly 20 years now.

hes been a season ticket holder but last year he was unable to see the playoffs and finals bc all the teams were in the bubble.

this is the first game he has been able to see because its been very limited seating

but he really wanted to go tonight to see them raise the banner to honor their 17th championship

so instead of buying tix super close to the court he bought a pair really high up in the sky so we would be right under the new banner

and there it is.

the Laker girls were up there too to say hi and we are polite so we said hi back

this is what the stadium looked like a few minutes before the ceremony. they say 20% capacity but id say even at its most crowded it was like 10%.

there were people around us a little because everyone wanted to take a pic with the new banner but you could hear the laker girls clap it was so quiet

another thing: you couldnt eat or drink in your seats you could only do it right by where you ordered your food. so that was weird. but fine. it made you chug your beers of which i had two.

they tasted delicious. perhaps because i hardly even drink beer any more?

saw a man who bought shoes where the left was gold and the right was purple.

i asked Chris why he didnt just buy two pairs and he said he didnt know

lakers won a close one.

thanks for the tix, Chris!

did my first girlfriend and i ever sleep together?

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like in the same bed?

like as in an overnight date?

no.

we had a few adventures in the back seat of my grandmas cadillac

but we were never in a situation where we could spend the night.

at the time i thought that was tragic.

but really what would have been tragic is if she and i were the only ones that we would have ever felt love to.

im so happy that she was my first girlfriend, and that today is her birthday.

but im glad i got to kiss all the others that came after her.

because they taught me things she could have never.

not because there was anything wrong with her.

but because they were soooo different

and had their own backstories.

today is my first girlfriends birthday

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one day we were talking on the phone and she said who in your record collection

is the coolest dude

and i said hendrix

and she said then lets listen.

she lived far away but back then the phone bills weren’t very expensive since

in reality she was only 1 mile away

but it seemed like 20 because we had no cars and the road didnt go like that

it made us go all around a giant farm

so i put the phone next to the record player

and we listened and talked

and now, years later,

jimi has only gotten cooler.

thinking about emotions

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the tricky thing about me and emotions are, i don’t think i have a problem with them.

but when my shrink said i should think about them, i didn’t even know what to think about.

and i sure as hell couldnt even list them. so here they are… and i’m a bit surprised.

  1. happiness – easy. that is what i strive for all the time, even in here a blog where nothing’s true
  2. sadness – every Cub fan knows this one by heart, which is why we develop habits early on
  3. fear – the only thing i fear is not going to Heaven. everything else can kiss my ass. which is probably why the xbi recruited me.
  4. disgust – i didnt even know that was a primary emotion, but i guess it makes sense. things are gross and people can often be very disappointing so, ok learned something here.
  5. anger – yep thats an easy one.
  6. surprise – again, never knew that was a main emotion but good. im glad it is. i like being pleasantly surprised.

so lets dig in deeper with that last one.

some surprises i love, some i hate.

i like to be surprised in movies, with endings of stories, or learning nice things about people who i had low expectations for.

i dont like surprises like im being fired or i owe the feds a bunch of cash, or my mechanic has retired.

overall i think most of the surprises in my life have been positive ones. naturally some were terrible but im still playing with the house’s money so far.

probably the best surprises for me have been when people have said very nice things to me. or dropped their panties. or had no panties. women are weirdly full of surprises and sometimes they can deliver you ones you havent ever expected. we are very different, men and women, so i shouldnt be that shocked, but again, often i have been met with more good surprises than crazy ones.

but — and maybe this is where fear comes in — are the good surprises drying up? maybe not. did i tell you about the sweetest series of texts i got from a woman from my past? she said the nicest things and i sincerely thought she had zero energy on me once she got hitched. but then out of the blue last week a rainstorm of niceness was showered on me. me?

i have so many questions if i make it to heaven.

hell, i have questions about this assignment. but i guess step one about thinking about emotions is defining what they are and we just did that so class dismissed for the day.

ps: i do have 20 years of blog posts on this bad boy, now that we know the terms, how interesting would it be if i documented how often i used any of those six emotional words?

songs ive been enjoying lately

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kurdt cobain said lists are good for us 

mr recordman – ugly kid joe

lana del rey – white dress

we’ve got tonight – bob seger

hey hey what can i do – led zeppelin

all my favorite songs – weezer

the grates – aw yeah

rancid – ghost band

the clash – career opportunities (sandinista version)

the cure – love song

bob dylan – on a night like this

drivers license – olivia rodrigo

MONTERO (call me by your name) – lil nas x

 

 

this was my ipad when i was a kid

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most of the time i was thinking to my little ass self

how cool is it that these cars get an elevator

i had a good day today.

did a lot of work. also helped out a neighbor.

also drove in circles because i was gonna go to venice and surprise someone but then i came back to meet someone else

but everything ended up to be phonecalls and texts and emails.

i was on the phone a lot and as i was i paced in my courtyard

i literally got 15,000 steps in just doing that.

my neighbors probably hate me

got a terrible burrito at this famous taco joint

went grocery store shopping and they had lobster tails for $5 which is sus so i passed

and now im cleaning up my entire house because

its time.

i made so little money last year

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the state wants to give me my income tax return

but they want me to prove i’m me because they can’t believe im actually alive.

not only am i alive but i learned so much during the Plague

for one, i learned how to cook because eating out is so expensive in LA

and the things i like for some reason costs like $15 in the world

but only like $2 at the grocery store.

on Fridays they sell a whole, cooked chicken for $5.

i take these rubber gloves and just peel all the meat and skin off that thing and put it in a big thing of tupperware. that’ll last a week.

because what i’ll do is open up a can of soup, a can of kidney beans, a half cup of frozen peas, and some of that chicken. maybe a little rice or pasta if i have some left over.

thats like lunch and dinner right there, especially once i air fry some big ass slices of sourdough.

maybe ill slice some avocados on top

and cheese

and MSG

and hot sauce

and salsa.

super easy.

just as good as melrose.

cubs swept the dodgers

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began the day awkwardly.

then i was told i would be having guests in 30 minutes who wanted things.

they arrived, i gave them what they were looking for.

worked. rested. worked. took a walk.

weird thing about LA right now is all the busses are unofficially free because of COVID.

since im vaccinated i wouldnt mind riding the bus all day but im working now.

so when i get my steps in im always looking over my shoulder to see if the bus is coming so i can ride it and take a load off.

passed a woman yelling at her empty crack pipe.

saw a car accident.

then hung out at my local bodega i guess youd call it and talked with the cashier lady, Rose, and the older guy who tells jokes all day, George

i told George i wanted to get him on Tik Tok bc who knows he might turn into a star.

then i told him with the money i would buy him a big tv to stream all the documentaries he likes

George sits by the door of the store and reads the paper when he isnt telling everyone jokes.

he said he wasnt interested in tv.

i said imma get you one bigger than this security monitor – which is about 40 inches.

he said he likes his walls empty

so i told him i was going to give him a small projector that he could hook up to his phone

he laughed because he has no phone.

then i cooked and watched the cubs and as it was going on

this beautiful woman from my past

way out of my league even back then

type of woman a rock star with excellent taste in fashion would have dated

texted me a whole list of wonderful compliments

and reminded me that i used to have bible study with her

“you showed me the most glorious form of Christianity I’ve ever seen. You are such an amazing steward of that religion,” she said.

usually im glad i have no long term memory but now im wondering what the heck were our conversations about the good book? and how is it an atheist would have liked what i said?

anyway it made my day and then the cubs won in extras.

tomorrow i talk to my shrink.

maybe about the mean texts i got earlier in the day.