i would probably be sass‘s boyfriend.

it would be pretty easy to do. all id have to do is grow a few inches, wear really lame expensive clothes, and literally be sorta gay. i dont say that in a mean way or a derogatory way, but she really likes gay dudes. which is fine, they tend to have better style, and will probably be into clothes shopping with her.

im not at all gay, but for some reason i dont mind one bit going clothes shopping with hot asian girls as they try on endless amounts of new clothes. be them raymi outfits (pictured) or not.

the other day i realized that i have had three asian girlfriends in my life. the first was linda who is half japanese (they do it to you every time). next was the first person i ever met who i would ever consider a nympho. she was chinese and no matter where we were or what we were doing she always wanted sex. it was sorta fascinating and believe it or not, it got old way quicker than youd expect. it would have made an excellent charles bukowski short story. and the last asian gf i had is korean. hello kitty with titties i called her. which was supposed to be funny as in “hey look im an ugly american who doesnt know that hello kitty isnt korean”. for some reason she accepted my lame culture jokes, probably because she knew i meant them in good fun.

anyways i would be very happy to have sass as my gf because she is an excellent blogger. i think i have decided that for now on i will only date women with blogs because then they would understand why at 3:09am i am sitting with the window open and the tv on mute because i feel the need to write the second blog post of the day.

i think sass would understand that. shes also fine as hell. and i think she would be happier dating an america 5 times her age. a man so old he doesnt worry about the gray hairs on his chest, but the ones he occasionally gets in his nose. cuz they look like buggars to the untrained eye. so sometimes he has to grab a whole mess of them while hes driving home to hollywood in order to rip out the offending gray one. but then people in the car next to him think hes picking his nose, which grosses them out. but no, hes only trying to get the gray hair out, no buggars. no buggars.

its all very seinfeldian, but true.

maybe if sass was my gf, for my bday she would get me some car tweezers. and i would get her some more of those super cool socks.

photo by raymi who also has an excellent sock collection