100 Greatest American Men of all Time

by tony pierce

1. abraham lincoln, freed the slaves
2. chuck berry, invented rock and roll
3. elvis presley, embodied rock and roll
4. bob dylan, legitimized rock and roll
5. hugh hefner, embodied the american dream
6. martin luther king jr., legitimized america
7. muhammed ali, greatest of all times
8. benjamin franklin, did it all
9. jackie robinson, legitamized baseball
10. michael jordan, set the standard of excellence
11. charles bukowski, greatest american poet
12. j.d. salinger
13. frank sinatra
14. les paul
15. jimi hendrix
16. philo t. farnsworth
17. henry ford
18. bill gates
19. fdr
20. larry flynt
21. norman lear
22. harry caray
23. bill veeck
24. willie mays
25. mark twain
26. howard stern
27. hank williams sr.
28. johnny cash
29. john coltrane
30. john f kennedy
31. louis armstrong
32. magic johnson
33. charles mingus
34. charles r. drew
35. ted turner
36. jack daniels
37. eli whitney
38. pete rose
39. edward r. murrow
40. george hallas
41. william t. sherman
42. thomas jefferson
43. thomas edison
44. henry aaron
45. fredrick douglass
46. the wright bros
47. steven speilberg
48. benjamin banneker
49. timothy leary
50. jesse owens
51. matt groening
52. lenny bruce
53. richard pryor
54. sammy davis jr.
55. evil knievel
56. ron popeil
57. tiger woods
58. spike lee
59. kurt vonnegut
60. ernest hemingway
61. jerry garcia
62. steve dahl
63. tom dowd
64. walter payton
65. johnny carson
66. howard cosell
67. bill murray
68. n.w.a
69. bill clinton
70. babe ruth
71. miles davis
72. chris berman
73. lewis & clark
74. chick hearn
75. rick rubin
76. robert oppenheimer
77. the sugar hill gang
78. john belushi
79. col. harland sanders
80. charlie parker
81. thelonious monk
82. kurt cobain
83. berry gordy
84. mike royko
85. tom waits
86. quentin tarantino
87. al davis
88. pt barnum
89. duke ellington
90. andy warhol
91. buster keaton
92. doc ellis
93. mel blanc
94. hunter s. thompson
95. branch rickey
96. steve jobs
97. ev williams
98. eddie rickenbacher
99. william carlos williams
100. rodney bingheimer

this week seems to be the week of death

and today, besides being the anniversary of some serious major change, is also the 69th anniversary of one of the greatest speeches ever about impending death. an example of true class.

senator jesse helms was in many peoples minds a racist, a homophobe, and one of the biggest public embarrassments of the united states.

it’s hard not to understand those criticism when you read that he once said things like this about minorities, “I’ve been portrayed as a caveman by some. That’s not true. I’m a conservative progressive, and that means I think all men are equal, be they slants, beaners or niggers”; and this about AIDS, “There is not one single case of AIDS in this country that cannot be traced in origin to sodomy.”

at times it almost seemed like he was proud to be so backwards, a trait that some old men still seem quite comfortable in being.

larry harmon, best known in his long-running role as Bozo, couldn’t have been a more different man. most of his life was dedicated to making children happy, entertained, and loved. i grew up in chicagoland at a time when the waiting list for kids to view the hour-long Bozo program was so long that parents often put in their requests when they first became aware of their pregnancy and hoped that WGN would grant them tickets before their child was too old to enjoy the show.

the Bozo show on wgn was an hour long, live program, that ran Monday thru Friday for decades. it was center to the childhoods of millions in the midwest, and, in my opinion, one reason why the Cubs are so popular today. for decades the staple lineup of WGN programming was Garfield Goose at 7am, Ray Rayner at 8am, Bozo at noon, and the Cubs at 1:20pm. it was a genius way to get kids hooked on WGN, and thus the Cubs, in a time before cable or remote controls. you tuned in for the kids programming, you stayed for Bozo, which led beautifully to the hapless cubbies.

people have two paths they can choose in life: provide hope, love, and possibilities in a life that is in constant change; or be a backwards fuck whose grave invites endless urination and ridicule.

im not saying one needs to be a clown in life, but one should certainly think twice if theyre universally considered a bozo without the benefit of a tv show.