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there were awards, and everyone won

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heres the funny thing about me and this blog. i hate telling stories about the recent past.

i dont ever want to have to relive what i just did, even if what happened was great, and successful, and beautiful and awe inspiring and weird and blah blah blah

i just dont wanna rehash it.

but yes i was able to get amber in and my brother and his girlfriend and theres pictures somewhere

and all the people won and all the people lost and dresses and tuxes and

i had sore feet like halfway through it but i persisted and i was exhausted for three days straight

maybe because im old maybe because 40,000 steps in two days is tiring and maybe because i shoulda worn sneakers.

and if i am lucky enough to have another all access pass maybe i will spend more time in the diamond lane of the red carpet and a little time in the bleachers and a tad more time at oscar orchestra rehearsals and i will go to the Oscar Concert and i will get a tad more sleep.

other than that all was perfect and maybe the best was drinking a rum n coke in the hotel bar at midnight with amber stretched out in a corner looking at each other saying

holy fuck did that really happen.

it’s Oscar Saturday, so let’s Ask Tony

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Oskar asks: what will you be doing this year during the Oscars?

If you recall, last year I roamed the red carpet, Dolby Theatre and the adjoining Loews Hotel publishing everything cool that I ran into on Snapchat.

This year I will be doing pretty much the same thing (except with another year of experience under my belt) but on the Academy’s Instagram. Instagram Story to be specific.

If you aren’t following us already, follow TheAcademy on Instagram and get ready to see all that my All Access pass can provide. I should start the transmission around noonish and end around midnight. God willing.

What will you see? You will see all the things that you won’t be seeing on TV. So if you want to see it all, tune in to ABC on your TV and have your buddy Tony on your phone or iPad.

John Smith asks: is it possible to go down to the LA river where they shot the car chase scenes in repo man and grease?

Yes. But I wouldn’t recommend going down there right now as it has been raining the last few days and that area (just East of DTLA) is flooded and you might screw up your sweet car.

Tony Kletch asks: Stones or Beatles? 

I listen to the Stones at least once a week and if a Beatles tune comes on the radio I change it to Ozzy’s Boneyard. With that said, I listen to mostly the Stone’s 70s and 80s era tunes, so maybe my problem is mostly with the British Invasion era 60s stuff. But still, I prefer rock music as compared to pop.

Mark Johnson asks: Do you support expropriation of land from white farmers to be claimed by the State of South Africa?

I have the greatest friends. God bless you Mark. I don’t like the expropriation of any thing from any one. HOWEVER I think this is one of those rare moments where you can split the baby. I think instead of taking all the land from the white farmers, only half of it should be taken, and not by the state, but by the native South Afrikans.

Dougie Gyro asks: Will Ohtani be a better hitter or pitcher?

Hitting MLB pitchers might be the toughest thing in all of sports. However, the Angels want to do this funky 6-man rotation which tells me they aint so confident about his pitching either. I know he’s young. I know he’s Babe Ruth. But I have a feeling they will use him as a SP and DH his first few years but will probably convert him to a long reliever and pinch hitter in years 3-4 when they realize there was only one Babe Ruth and he drank beers with children and ate hot dogs with strippers.

Michael Katz asks: Is Joe Flacco a elite qb?

History says nope. And says Jay Cutler should never have been a starter.

More to come!

dear tony, what do you do about haters?

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this is an interesting question because if you had asked me this 10, 20, or 30 years ago i would have had a different answer each time.

at this stage of my life, i say pity them and pray for them because as i look back at those who would have fit in that bucket, most of them, a vast majority were hating

because they were jealous.

which is crazy because the things that they were jealous about certainly weren’t my material wealth or runway model good looks or style

they were jealous about things that they could have had in their lives if they didnt have a gigantic stick up their ass.

indeed i think most of the haters were sad/mad/jealz because they saw me as an extremely happy person who appeared to enjoy ridiculously good “luck”. and while it is true that i have been genuinely happy for most of my life, it wasn’t luck that did it.  it was values

including the Golden Rule.

i think one is happiest when one is helping others and trying to lift others to the place where they want to be.

when i look back at my biggest accomplishments, it’s not great because i made a million bucks or hooked up with Laker Girls, it’s because i helped good people get to where they were probably gonna get anyway but i was able to help them there quicker.

and while we did it we had a great time and made some cool art or music or news.

a lot of sad people are only in it for themselves. they might think that theyre being a good bf/gf, employee or friend, but really their motive is all about them. therefore when Satan creeps around trying to figure out what to whisper in their ear to bum their day, he says things about them “youre fat, youre poor, youre dumb, you keep making the same mistakes, youre sloppy, youre dopey, you’re not creative, you are not even using what you learned in school, everyone hates you” and it works on them because they value Self.

if Satan tried that baloney around someone who sincerely spends their time in a Supporter role none of that matters. who cares if you’re fat if you’re making others less hungry too. who cares if youre poor if you know that money is a fakeout and you give what you have to others, who cares if they call you dumb if you know the secret to turning someones frown upside down, who cares what they say if you know that smile is on your face for the right reason.

haters are out there just like rain drops and rush hour traffic. it’s part of the environment and once you live a life of service as opposed to a quest for Self Aggrandizement you will discover your true place in this spiritual slam dance

and it’s right in the center

where it’s safest

and most beautiful.

while it’s true i read the bible for an hour every sunday

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it’s also true that i procrastinate my ass off doing it. and i dont know why other than i really don’t like doing things that i have done already and i have read the bible like 4 times now, and it’s not that i know whats going to happen next, i dont, i am always surprised by what is going to happen

BECAUSE EVEN BIBLICAL HUMANS ARE HUMANS AND THEREFORE FULL OF SURPRISES

i just dont like being told what to do even if i am the one doing the telling to myself.

a long time ago, in college, i was reading the bible for college and it hit me like a lightning bolt.

and when i was done reading the whole thing i said to myself, church is dumb, all i ever did in church was wait for the band to play and wait for the gospel to get read, so

i will make you a deal, Lord, i will read the bible every Sunday for an hour, with some jazz playing in the background

and this way i wont have to put on pants, go to church, kneel stand kneel stand shake hands and wait for the sentence to be over.

but for years now i have been doing almost exactly the same thing with reading the bible.

when i do it i learn stuff, duh, but the whole process is work. for me.

last night was no exception. i read, i procrastinated, i read more, i futzed with the laundry, i read more, i got my secret blog rolling, and then i saw Amber was coming home, so i read until she arrived.

then we snuggled and passed out.

i need to set a new rule that i dont get to eat until ive read the bible on Sunday MORNING that way my whole day isnt a waste and a burdon with some terrible deadline oppressing me on what is supposed to be the Day of Rest

A MEN!

are cub fans the best people in the world?

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probs.

picked up a dude from brazil. he was in the catching money laundering game.

no kidding.

i was all how did Paul Manafort fuck up?

he was all, he got too close to Trump?

oh?

he’s the biggest mark there ever was.

dropped him off at the airport, then picked up this vacation expert.

he was on his way to the far east to scope out a private island

we got talking about Cuba

i asked, should i check out Cuba during this pause, so as to see it before it gets ruined?

dude goes, only thing thats gonna ruin it is when Google lays down fiber

and all the Cubans leave the streets and go inside and surf the web.

he said, right now the best part of Cuba are the Cubans… who are outside most of the time

living.

sometimes nice things happen

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which is why you should never give in to the dark side

which is why you should never suicide

and why you should never listen to those who are negative nellys

as one of the handful of people who have worked in both “newsrooms” (LAist was my couch 10 years ago), i can tell you that this has the makings of a beautiful romance.

the people who make up KPCC are exactly the type of people who can help LAist get to the next level – wherever that is.

and LAist website traffic and social footprint was larger than the Pasadena NPR station’s, so the lil blog that could is a beautiful acquisition for KPCC.

and one of the sweet bonuses is there are living, breathing people at KPCC who used to work at LAist and vice versa.

the question is, will KPCC allow LAist to truly work independently, will the radio station help the bloggers literally find their voice on the airwaves and podcasts, and if something breaks on one side will the other side get bent out of shape?

these are the same exact questions that, I’m sure Gothamist and DCist are asking with their new NPR partners in one of the more interesting mergers media has had in a very long time.

i dont know about those other cities, but LA has truly missed LAist over the last 4 months (it has seemed longer than that) in part because the LA Weekly has refused to deliver even the slightest bit of news. so this is a godsend for millions of people who have grown accustomed to LAist filling in the gaps that the LAT has either found uninteresting or unable to cover.

the biggest winners of all will be the residents of Pasadena who will find their city covered better than ever.

thank you, anonymous rich person, for generously doing the right thing for news, Los Angelenos and Optimism.

the kids are all right

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decades ago The Who produced a film called The Kids Are All Right about the British band’s run through the ’60s and ’70s

but right now there are a group of idealistic teenagers in Florida who have had enough with America’s love/hate affair with guns, particularly assault rifles.

these teens were victims of school shooter who killed 17 of their fellow students. instead of freaking out (which they are also probably doing), they have used that energy to pressure local, state and federal lawmakers to stop accepting bribes from the NRA and start changing the laws so that mentally disturbed people have a harder time getting their hands on weapons and so a kid in Algebra class doesn’t have to live in fear any more for their life.

naturally Republicans are fighting the kids, which is bizarre. they are claiming that some of these students are actors being fed lines and aren’t earnestly asking for gun control measures, but are being paid by people like George Soros and other liberals.

the kids have been amazing. they say this has nothing to do with politics. they say it has nothing to do with Trump. what their goal is simply: they want last week’s school massacre to be the Last One.

they have a tough road ahead of them because even though they filled three Greyhound busses with protesting students, once they arrived at the Florida State House in Tallahassee, the GOP-led state senate refused to even debate gun control.

“if Congress or no one else wants to do anything about this, so what, because we are going to do something about this,” one of the students said. and you best believe them.

today is kurt cobain’s birthday, he would have been 51

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when i was driving the Royal Blood bassist from WeHo to DTLA he told me he was gonna be playing at the Forum in a few days.

I said, oooooh the Forum. I have seen many great shows there.

he said, like who?

i said, well The Cars, Manson, Clapton, Weezer, Nirvana, Kiss

he said, Nirvana? How were they?

i said, it was for charity and the Butthole Surfers opened. i sat all the way in the back. and they did something that i only saw once with Bob Dylan at the Arlington Theater… Dylan started the show sorta drunk but as it progressed it was obvious that the booze had been replaced with water, and by halftime Dylan had sobered up and was sooooo perfect.

the same happened with Nirvana. Kurdt seemed spaced out and super chill, but as they settled in the got louder and gnarlier and i dont know if the heroin was wearing off or the weed, but it got better and better.

they played Teen Spirit like 5th on the playlist. sorta to get it out of the way.

very punk rock. very “if you were here for the hit you can go home now.”

i have many things that i am supremely grateful for: namely the women i have had the great good fortune to know in my life, but seeing Nirvana live is way up there. and i take none of it for granted.

today is presidents day

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did you send out all your cards?

the only person who sends me cards for this holiday is my uncle jim.

jim of course is one of the original xbi agents.

i know this because i tried to send him R. Crumb’s illustrated “Genesis” for Christmas and amazon told me that no one lived there

even though it is the same exact address that i get on his cards for fathers day, valentines day, and every other holiday including this very special one.

we don’t have this day off at work because we are only a few weeks away from the Oscars and this is pretty much the home stretch.

this year i will be doing the Instagram Story. Last year if you remember i did the Snapchat.

i will reach about 11x the people that i did last year. so there’s a bit more added pressure but not much because the difference is

a lot of people or an OMG TON OF PEOPLE

they’re both the same. and im a pro. and ive been around this race course before. what i am looking for are some insoles to cushion my step because that is the only thing i wish i had done last year: protected my feet. as my dogs were plum wore out, Jethro.

today its windy. it rained a little last night. all of that is fine. get this bad weather out of the way so we have clear skies and warm temps for the big show.

everyone got sick these last few weeks. we will all be strong and healthy and wise and prepared for whatever goes down bc Lord knows it probably won’t be weirder than it was last year. and that was weird.

anyways happy birthday president obama.

 

dear tony, what can i do if i can’t change her?

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dear jean,

you can’t.

there’s not even a lot we can do.

all we can do is our own thing and live as pure as we can.

keeping in mind others are trying to make it happen too.

and everyone has a different goal.

hidden goals.

my goal right now is to make a spiritual miracle from these words.

my goal is for the Good Lord to hear my 1, 2, 3 and say

fine, tony, fine.

my goal is for my 1, 2, 3 to be real and good and as selfless as can be

my goal is for peace.

the right kind of la la la. the good kind. you know it when you see it.

sometimes i will see it and i will say

oh, right. yes! YES!

because i had given up on it.

because i thought it had fluttered away to either nowhere, or into the hands of darkness.

but there it is sometimes

right on the tip of yr tongue.

so here it is for you.