so i can prepare for a big video interview im doing tomorrow.

i could work more from home if i wanted, but youd miss out on all the interesting people if you did that.

an international fashion model came over last night.

she wanted to watch the lakers game with me she claimed.

i was all they dont play till tomorrow.

she was like oh well what do you have on tivo.

i said whip it.

so we watched whip it.

a film i saw i think the night it came out.

funny thing about international fashion models. they eat more than youd think.

and then they fly away in the night sky before the paper hits the porch.

but not before rinsing their plate off in the sink

and brushing their teeth with

your

toothbrush.

“My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy”

“He’s the kind of girl who shuts down her Livejournal because people are mean, only to start a new one a week later.”

women of the world lend me yr ears.

this quest for beauty has gone too far.

theres the lipo and the implants and the lip implants and the rump implants

all of those have their place, i’ll grant you that.

but a $100 headband?

ladies, i know you claim that you dont get dolled up for men. sometimes i even believe that. sometimes i actually trust you when you say that you buy shoes accessories and clothes to impress your girl friends.

or you do it for yourself.

i dont buy it all the time, just sometimes. usually when im drunk and just want the conversation to end. f

whoever it is that you’re trying to please: dudes, chicks, yourself – there is no reason ever to buy a $100 headband. even the model in that picture cant believe how ridiculous it is.

dont get me wrong. i spend crazy amounts on dumb dumb things too. 1 ticket to see the lakers play cost $100. dinner for two at the best sushi place in LA cost a tad more than $100.

both of those things are over in a few hours and the latter turns into poop when its over.

but the $100 headband is poop when it starts. its poop for your head. poop for your fragile self esteem. poop poop poop.

the $100 headband is a gateway drug. it makes it ok to spend $800 on a purse. it makes it perfectly fine to buy $65,000 SUVs when you live in the suburbs.

when your mother kissed you when you were a little baby and told you she loved you and told you that you were the most beautiful girl in the world is still true.

give your $95 to the poor. in one shot.

you’ll feel 95 times better inside, i promise.

“the idea that there is just one person out there for you is NUTS.”

even though i dont think that there is just one person out there for us, i think there is one person out there who is super dooper awesome for us. moreso than everyone else.

for example i think my first girlfriend ever, mary, was the best first girlfriend ever for me. not sure shed be the best person for me for right now, but for then, what a dream come true.

likewise i think my first california girlfriend, the one who “took my innocence” was the best one for those years too. i learned so much from her. so much.

both of those young ladies taught me how to write, for example. and how not to be so much a midwestern dbag. which i was times a hundred.

then there was college and the girls of isla vista. each one more perfect than the next leading up to jeanine, the first girl i ever lived with.

we were so poor. didnt matter. we were so in love. a love that lasts till today and when we’re together we hold hands and kiss and hug and tell each other we love each other. but would either of us be good for each other now? probably not.

the irish girl in frisco who used me for my body was perfect.

those who came to california to meet their favorite blogger were perfect.

and then theres the truest. who somehow has something magical insider that i am fascinated with. something that cameras cannot capture. something that words cannot describe. unless the words are cheesy, of course.

but still im curious about lots of other people. which is why i read so much. and why i like to talk to people and listen to people and take pictures of people.

who are all perfect too.

friday i get to interview a sorta famous person. on video. he was so in love with a woman that he made the most embarrassing video to get her back. now hes married to someone completely different. i will ask him what he thinks about soul mates slash true loves and what he learned from all of that.

and of course, i will bring back that info for you and you and you.

to bring home the darkness of abe lincoln

will love to see if more creative people start doing this with other interesting speeches

hope so.

when new technology will baffle us too

and we will look silly in front of the world

and all of our teenage interns will be out scoring weed instead of making sure we dont look bad in front of our endearing audience.

and people will point and laugh and laugh and laugh

and no matter what i am doing then, andy rooney will still be able to say

“yes but i have had the easiest job of all time”

good!

i ate a lot. as is my nature. i watched tv alot, as is my wont.

theres not a lot of things i want in life.

the more i think about it the more i think im a gemini.

theres parts of me that wants to kick so much ass, then theres parts that wants to watch tv forever.

you get spoiled sometimes and everything comes to you and you lay there and click and its so nice.

then sometimes you go out into the cold cruel world with your bat and you hit people over the head and you drag back your treasure and you say yeah that was worth it.

each thing is boring after a while. super boring. and each thing is wonderful.

other day i went to this hipster hang and ordered a shepards pie.

the shepards pie was so not boring. it looked like a bowl of cheese, for starters.

but as you shoved your spoon in there you dug into ground beef. so not lean beef.

there were spices in there because shepard isnt in season right now and i had an apple juice and i was there with a beautiful girl.

i was hungover and feeling every day of my 104 years and she had a healthy sensible brunch.

later that night we ate himalayan food.

last time i drank Yeti beer but it was too hairy. so this time i had Karma which went down smooth.

the waitress said thats cuz you must have good karma.

i said how can you tell?

she said if you have bad karma it tastes like backwash.

as we waited for our check we overheard this couple talking. the boy sounded like it was their first date, my date said.

and that next morning i woke up and went to the grocery store for OJ and i saw the same couple we sat next to at himalyan food and the girl had the same dress on.

and i was all omg how cute slash scandalous.

and i had the same clothes on too 😉

In reference to Wednesday’s lecture + Q&A session at El Camino College, Cathleen Yampolsky wrote in to say:

Your presentation was very good. You could take it on the road. We didn’t even say anything snarky about you after you left the room! A couple of co-eds thought you were kinds cute, and the professor blushed. Thanks for you time, it was definitely my pleasure. This is coming form someone who gets up at 5 a.m.

id call that a passing grade.

i was in vancouver canada soaking it all in