see first foto: http://www.sorryimissedyourparty.com/2008/10/what-not-to-be-for-halloween.html

MONDAY, OCTOBER 20, 2008
What Not To Be For Halloween
Look, I know that anonymously judging other people on the internet plus 25 cents will get me a phone call. I know I can’t actually change anyone’s minds if they have it set. But let me please, please implore of you: DO NOT BE ANY OF THE FOLLOWING COSTUMES THIS HALLOWEEN. They are played out. A lot of people have beef with the idea of “sexy” costume like sexy nurse, sexy panther, sexy cop, etc… Look, if you’re going to dress as a sexy witch, there’s no advice I can give you about how cheesy it might be. God bless you if you want to take one day of the year to look extra slutty. I have much bigger fish to try with these costumes which purport to be clever and culturally savvy. Here they are:

Rollergirl from Boogie Nights: You will only remind people that you don’t look as good as Heather Graham. It’s a bad idea to do a “sexy” costume that’s modeled after someone way sexier than any real life girl is.

Tony to Ashley – not my fault: http://www.sorryimissedyourparty.com/2008/10/what-not-to-be-for-halloween.html

Ashley to Tony – i know, i saw it awhile ago, didnt you see my comment there? someone said i was cute, so whatev. the author sounds like an ass anyway

and sure enough here are the comments:

Anonymous said… It costs 35 cents to make a call from a pay phone.

The first rollergirl was pretty cute.

Anonymous said…

‘Fake cocaine makeup’ is a *great* pet peeve.

HR Underling said…

GROSS. All of them.

Anonymous said…

You know, I actually think some of those rollergirls look pretty hot. Also, as a psychiatrist, I love the freudian slip costume (particularly the one that includes freudian phrases). And my boyfriend and I were margot and richie tenenbaum one year…i guess this all makes me a lame hipster but I’d rather see people in fake cocaine makeup than a sexy bee costume any day.

Neal said…

I’ve never seen a sexy bee. I want to see one. I would also be interested in seeing a sexy cockroach or a sexy bedbug. any sexy bug really.

Ashley in Wonderland said…

Hi I’m the first Rollergirl, thanks for being mean!

Ah the interwebs.

Above: Ashley a few years ago dressing up for halloween in vegas. Middle: me with the real rollergirl a few years ago at the shortstop on her birthday

i dont know where she got it, but its a 3G. i used to be jealous of people who have 3gs until i saw this picture she took of me.

i know 3gs have the same cameras as the regular Gs but im glad to see that my crappy camera capabilities are the same as hers.

today we drove around and looked at “the pretty houses”. the really good ones have docks up against their backyards like we have. and almost all of them have “lanais” which are nice screens protecting the backyard area from bugs and birds and gators and jaguars.

as we drove around town i kept thinking about the first dude who cornered the Lanai market and how happy he was. i wondered what sort of life he must be living now.

The Lanai King.

all he had to do was figure out how to do the first couple and then all he had to do was farm out the work to the workingclass while he cut one deal after another. imagine the sales job. true door to door sales i would hope.

hey did you see the johnsons lanai?

la-what?

ever party in your neighbors backyard? notice how little they have to clean their pool and hot tub?

thats why we have pool tops and pool boys and

you dont really want those things, what you want is a lanai. i am the Lanai King and i will tell you what, if you get one of your friends to sign up with me i will do your Lanai for half price.

can you do it in white?

i can do it in white, brown, gold if your nasty.

done.

they really get it about vacationing.

earlier you saw a portrait of the young boy when he had woken from sleep. this is an example of him when hes getting pretty sleepy.

notice that hes a tad more talkative, but quite possessive of his “whoopie”. so much so that if you hold it hostage you can get anything from him that you want. note to self, dont let little kids become CIA agents.

also of note, the sad torture his parents are invoking on him by making him a cub fan. im not sure that even during his lifetime he will see the cubs win the world series, but heartbreak is part of life and its good that hes learning this early.

the first of course is that they were very funny for a medium-sized period of time.

the second of course were they were able to cash in on that genius in pretty huge financial ways – movies, records, video tapes, and later dvds.

now they have figured out a way to partner with GooTube and make a channel (and a very funny advert as theyd call it) so they could sell more vids.

my only problem is cleese in that fruity sweater. i hope i die before i get [fruity sweaters].

anyways, the black knight always prevails

and it comes close, what with the warm weather and the celebs, and the palm trees and the latin americans. but its not california. thus it’s merely a place to visit, not a place to rock.

right now chloe sevigne and paris hilton and lindsay and sam and kim kardasian are all here romping around the beaches of miami. they are doing this because southern california are on fire and because im here and they wanna sneak into my holiday bungalow of love.

sorry charlies, im here with my family that i hardly ever see other than in the winter months. to the right is my lovely neice with one of the clam shells she purloined from the beach. she refused last night to put it back into her shell bucket while she ate her pizza. its vacation so why not.

she likes to wake me up early in the morning with a graceless knock on my door and a wake up uncle tony!

biggest house on the block and yet my bedroom door and bathroom is the center of attention. dont they know that theres a giant pool in the back? dont they know the hot tub finally got fixed. play some wii! eat some of the mountains of food we have.

but no, uncle tony is the star attraction for some reason.

heres what uncle tony has on tap today. work work and more work. then ive gotta return the chrysler rolls royce rip off rentacar. then ive gotta get some chinese food for the family. then ive gotta get some more doritos at the market because im blazing through the sole bag like a stoner at a midnight movie.

i’ll have you know that there are no illegal substances here other than powdered donuts, for the record. and i have stayed far away from them.

this morning i ate wheat toast and sprayed some butter on it.

and im eating peanuts. and drinking orange juice.

and enjoying msnbc which has a countdown bug that tells everyone that president elect obama will be the next president in 63 days.

breaking news: the nephew is running past to urinate in my bathroom.

maybe i should take some more video of all this nonsense.

me i think kids are the best to work with.

theyre so quiet

especially after they read in the busblog how theyre so loud.

this is me and my nephew cruising about. no i dont have a steady cam, but my camerawork is pretty amazing, thanks.

so here’s the exact opposite of that – your boy rivers cuomo in a box in his pajamas with a bunch of puppets singing a song that he never put on a weezer album.

hope this will fill whatever need youve got.

some of the video just got edited and placed on the Hero Complex blog because i asked them the pressing question “what superpower would you love to have?”

ah memories.

a lot. but whenever they leave the house im all, omg this peace and quiet is heavenly. which is really weird because when im home i have the tv and the stereo on. i have the computer on. i have all these sounds coming at me.

when im at work i complain that the newsroom is too quiet. i ask people if we should have music playing. i wonder how anyone can work in near silence.

but two little kids, one who doesnt even talk that much, nearly makes me insane. everyone has left for the beach: my mom, sister, brother in law, two kids, foreign exchange italian au pair, everyone. but for some reason they left me with the little dog. first of all there shouldnt even be a dog here. with all those people why would you need a dog? secondly the woman who rents out this place clearly said no dogs. thirdly you know what happens when a little dog is left with me? it starts yapping. it looks out of its cage and it says please freedom and love please return to my little fluffy white cuteness.

but it doesnt know english so it just yaps. yap yap yap yap!

im here in virtual paradise. i have a beer chilling in the fridge. i have an indoor/outdoor pool and hottub bubbling with warmth saying tony come here. i have a stereo ready to be cranked. yes i have some work that needs to be returned to. i have no time for a yapping dog. i only have time for controlled substances: sandwiches, beer, cola, chips, bubbles, and howard stern.

this dog has no clue how close it is to being an alligator snack.

speaking of, while driving through florida to this secret locale, i noticed signs warning of “panther crossing”. at first i thought it was a joke in regards to some lame college nearby. but after a while i saw more signs with actual panthers. this place be crazy.