day 18. fenway park

if you love baseball theres two parks that are holy to you. maybe three. but the top two are wrigley field and fenway park. in that order, if you ask me.

since i was lucky enough to have basically grown up at wrigley, fenway has always been at the top of my list of places to go before i die. last night i woke up in pittsfield mass, drove over to emily dickinson’s house, when she wasnt home i got on the mass pike and headed to the place where the red sox had sufferred.

because life isnt fair tomdog knew someone who worked across the street from fenway and happened to be the sox’s on-call physician. needless to say our tickets were great and everyone knew about baseball.

yes parking was $30, yes it was a bitch to find the place, yes it was a bitch to get there during rush hour but we entered right off yawkey way right next to the green monstah and it was like being on a movie set. it was like being in a dream. it was like being in a tv show. it was totally unlike anything i imagined.

so small, so colorful, so charming, so cozy. it was almost like being at a minor league park it was so teeny.

despite the fact that the sox are out of it the place was packed and everyone had some sort of red sox jersey or tshirt or hat on. they cheered every inning, they stood up every time Big Papi got into the box, and on his second at bat he sent one deep.

it was curt schilling on the mound. it was a perfect autumn evening. it was just a few games before the end of the season. it was tomdog buying 7 hot dogs and tony eating two and drinking beers and being so dazed to even be there that i didnt realize that it was schil pitching a one-run game until the 5th inning.

it was so perfect it made me disgusted with dodger and angels fans for being so lame in comparison.

there was a kid who painted himself red from head to toe running all around the park and getting chased out by ushers. there were people in the standing room only sections until the very last out. there were old people and young people and hot chicks and everyone had a beer and everyone had a smile and everyone cared about this meaningless game and los angeles nobody left early pretending they had something better to do because guess what there is no better place to be than at fenway if youre in boston, which isnt a diss to boston.

afterwards i drove to cape cod, got lost, wound up in Chatham on the cod where tomdog recommended, but because it was 1:20am at that point all the motels were closed for the night since it was off season. so i drove around in the dark and got lost more and got trailed by several cops several times because apparently theres some money out here. and when i finally decided at 2am to get back on the 6 and head toward Hyannis where i had remembered a motel at the side of the road, i got pulled over by a cop right as i was going on the on ramp.

“im just looking for a motel, dude.” i told him.
“theres some down the way a bit,” he said.
“yep, thats where im headed, all the ones in Chatham were closed at this hour,” i said.
“um hmm. i’ll be back in a bit,” and he ran my DL through his driving while black machine and came back and said, “exit 6 should have some motels open. i just wrote your name down, thats all.”

and i was sent on my way wondering. wtf. i wrote his name down too. officer jackhole. black man from cali cant get lost on the eastern tip of america?

drove down and found a Days Inn but they were full, then decided to suck it up and pay for a Holiday Inn room and it was swanky and nice and the dude at the desk was all, $139, but its so late, how about $109. and i called him the man.

“how do you like it out there in Hollywood anyway?” he asked and i told him i loved it and he said he felt scared there even when on the freeways. i said the freeways are very dangerous. then i asked him where he was from and he said New Orleans. and i said thats a scary place too.

and we agreed that neither places are as scary as driving around cape cod in the middle of the night slowly with california plates and an Obey sticker on your bumpah.

and after taking a picture of plymouth rock today, there will be no sleep till brooklyn.

tons of pics here + LAist photo essay here

since i have a few minute before i pack and hit the road again

fil me and pitt

let me acknowledge something interesting about the road.

eminating from the whitehouse and their nut-licking apologists in the blogosphere, there seems to be a secret competition as to who can blow the most smoke up the ass of americans.

likewise out here on the road there seems to be a secret competition too, a far less nefarious one. people are aligning themselves to see how generous they can be towards me. and although pretty much everyone has been super cool to me as i blow into their town, two men have risen to the top.

the first is general patrick j pitt (pictured, gay) who would barely let me buy a donut at tim hortons with my own money, let alone a lapdance from a schoolteacher. he did however let me beat him at madden, eat his yogurt, and even allowed me to kiss his fiance on both cheeks.

and now we have mr tomdog k lewis here in coincidentally enough pittsfield mass who took me to a delicious fine dining experience last night that was so good that im straining to even keep the poo inside me because my bowels deserve every moment with that fresh salmon cuisine.

even though everyone has been extraordinarily sweet to me from coast to coast, these two gentlemen have risen above the maddening crowd. tom’s little angels even sweetly woke me this morning with sweet faces and tugging little hands removing the blankets from my face and giggling and then pounding on the bed while laughing outloud.

hi babies i said. hi tony they said. but unlike adults, when kids want to play they want to play no matter what hour of the morning it is, which is why i had to open one eye and say bye bye which weirdly they understood and they ran out of my room and sorta sadly said, “he said bye bye.” so sweet.

i was back in dreamland immediately because my body is fat but perfect.

now i write you from tom’s living room after watching his tivo and drinking his children’s apple juice. western mass is gorgeous and sunny and americana to the maxima. i want to put it in a pie and eat it.

driving through albany last night was also pretty amazing. who knew they built a shiny steel batman set in the capital of ny? those shiny skyscrapers and weird egg music hall totally rival LA’s halfassed downtown skyline.

anyways as i approach the east-most portion of the US (or as close as i will get) i want to thank everyone who has bought me drinks, given me shelter, put their hand down my pants, or allowed me to put my hand up their skirt. i couldnt be where i am today without all of you and i appreciate meeting all the new faces ive gotten to see as well as those who ive met just once or twice. im a very lucky man and its because of the people i know.

although this probably wont stop me from being a complete hermit, it has certainly showed me how much better life is outside of my dark little room in east hollywood.

keith olbermann should be the next president

how is it that its always 237am?

im thinking about going to cape cod tomorrow after the sox game. tomdog is hooking me up with free tickets to the game. he hooked me up with his guest room which is as big as my entire living room at home. bigger probably. he also hooked me up with and upscale dinner here in pittsfield mass. or the town next to pittsfield,

he also hooked me up with a red tail beer right before he went upstairs to bed.

so im thinking about going to the cape not just after the game tomorrow but for two nights because i really have to write. traveling and partying and pretending not to get laid is tiring and you dont get any writing done. itd be nice to just laze about for a day and not bother with driving anywheres not bother with seeing a new city, just waking up late, going to bed late and waking up late again.

you know, like my regular life.

this month is coming close to an end and LAist broke another record for traffic already. with that comes so many responsibilities. just dealing with the email takes hours and hours and hours. thats why its always 247am or worse when i get to write in the busblog. cuz i might start at midnight and all the mail that piled up since dinnertime has to be dealt with and then regular work happens and then its pretty late to be writing this.

ive been so busy traveling and LAisting that i havent even had time to put my new BlogAds thing up there. when you’d rather sleep than make money off your personal blog you know youre sleepy.

tomorrow im going to go to Emily Dickenson’s house. then maybe pahk mah cah at hahvad before seeing the sahx.

everywhere i go theres beautiful women. it makes you wonder why i still live in LA other than all my friends living there and the great weather. our waitress was a kyaker. as i totally loved the mashed potatoes and string beans i wondered if a man like me could please a superathlete like her if i was always eating mashed potatoes and drinking beer all the time.

the answer of course is yes because everyone knows once you get married the sex ends as does all of your hobbies once you have kids. so then the question is, does she have the same taste in tv shows as i do.

its cold here and i only brought one pair of pants on this trip and no sweaters and no flannels because it was a gazillion degrees when i left LA in my shorts slash bathing suit.

kiyak chick asked me how i was enjoying my trip and i said it just makes me love oregon. and she said i drove across the country to kiyak in oregon and i said marry me and she said k.

day 17 toronto recap

i shoulda stayed in canada and i should be in montreal right now but i was having two silly problems. one is my cell phone didnt work in the great white north. the other was my interweb wasnt realy working up there neither and i am on this trip partially for work, and i have to be a responsible editor, and blogger. while drunk drugged and dopey.

ok so where did we leave off? i slept on pitt’s cot and dreampt about my girl in africa. it was nice to catch up with her. pitt and i drove to see some strippers slash soccer moms and that was followed by karaoke with raymi and pretty much all the cool bloggers of Toronto minus a few…. PAIGE, CHRISTIE

we drank and sang and there was a white girl who freestyled to the beasties, there was raymi who dominated, pitt dominated, i dominated Thunder Road, i got to meet courtney and carrie and radmad, and sweaty hermit, and ber, and ettienes xbf, and i know im forgetting lots of people forgive me i was wasted and each chick was only hotter than the next. it was crazy. jeremy said its the air.

so then radmad said lets have the afterparty at my house whooo, so we took cabs to The Beaches where immediately the home karoake was rocked. at 4:30am her neighbors had had enough and came down and said the f word and the karoake went away but the canadian club came out as did some illicitness. and boobies. lots of boobies were shown. canadian boobies are pretty nice, people. gotta say. tried to spend the night with some of those boobies but i was denied. my mojo has clearly been borrowed by the chicago bears, a deal im willing to accept.

although earlier in the night at the karaoke a beautiful girl said omg tony pierce and then pulled down her pants for me so i could see her bush. yes canada that is the way to greet me. thank you. remember that america cuz im in buffalo now heading to boston.

two and half hours after falling asleep radmads neighbors put a stereo next to her window and cranked the red hot chili peppers and played the piano loudly. she laughed they laughed but me and chad didnt laugh. we wanted to die. then we had breakfast with them. then we took the trolly to raymis hoooose to collect my car. then we drove to somewhere to watch football with jeremy. then we ordered pizza. then we drank beer. then i took a shower. the whole time i was sleepy as fuck. then i called ber and it was raining. and i got lost getting back to toronto to meet her at the green door. i was all turned around. then we ate and drank on those great couches and we exchanged dirty conversations. but shes in love with a new boy too.

notice a pattern? at first i was getting very depressed that all these women were all, oh id love to show you my boobies but i have a bf or i just got a bf but last night i was on the phone and this girl who i will meet later on this trip said, you are just the angel of good luck tony. all these nice people who you like are getting into great relationships Because of you. is it so bad that youre going without if they are getting what they want? and i guess shes right. but if she gets a boyfriend two days before i get to her town im gonna jump off a cliff.

so after dinner and drinks with ber i dropped her off at her mans house and got lost leaving toronto and chalked it up to fatigue and drove to buffalo which is suprisingly close to TO and smiled at a girl at the Tim Hortons and she smiled back and i said when are you getting off and she said im sick i said i dont care she said i dont either and i said when are you getting off and she said 4am and i said yikes. so i gave her the busblogs web address and hi girl from tim hortons. who knew they had them in the usa? fuckers gonna invade us.

after that little flirtation i got a second wind and drove east. got the nice phone call. the roads started becoming toll roads and that was annoying so here i am near the Six Flags outside of buffalo and i wanted to write and work all night last night but as soon as i got in the bed i started nodding off. but i did put pictures up and i slept well and im now stoked to drive to boston. and im tripley stoked that the bears are 3-0.

what i will do now is shower and eat and drive a few hours and pull over and work for a few hours and make it into boston in the wee hours probably so remember the alamo.

raymis pics

day 14. torontwins

twinsso have you two been twins for a while?

the joke was on me though because as sweet and innocent as they were they surprised me with some very dirty details that made me cover my mouth and blush.

we drank at the Madison on Madison right near the University of Toronto and the parade of hotness was amazing but somehow the twins drew me in and kept me in despite Raymi making the OK sign with one hand and putting the index finger of her other hand thru the hole of the OK sign – and Fil putting up the peace sign meaning 2 GIRLS!

sadly both of the ladies have boyfriends and i couldnt convince them that all the fantasies of lustmaking with twins supersedes the banal conventions of committed college relationships. particularly when an international blogger was involved.

they did however say on occasion OMG we’re talking to Tony Pierce!

which of course sustained my erection.

pitt has now exited the shower so its my turn. when im done we’re gonna speed to the Skydome to check out the Red Sox vs Blue Jays. bro has sweet seats.

then AFTERWARDS, TORONTO, you should meet us all at the club next to the Holiday INN on St. George & Bloor called the Fox and the Fiddle where so many bloggers and hotties will be i dont think i will have enough memory in my cam to capture it all.

so if youre here COME and reach down my pants. kthnxbi.

day 13? toronto

raymi and fil got me drunk andt the torontoist party. before that we drank next tdoor. we missed paige whihc is too bad cyuz everyones telling me she hasnt lookt better,. it dont matter cuz she has a boyfriend. whys everyon gotta have boyfriends. boyfriens are so lame. 07 is gonna be the year that everyone vcan be single. just for one year./ people should bang one yuear/. non stop banging. alamande left. pick a new partner. so boring trhese boyufrinesd/

anyways last night i arrived in detroit and figured i could just exit off the freewayu anywheres i wanted, like youd do in america from time to time. noo. dont do that in detroit. its excaly like 8 mile. especially on 8 miile right off the freeway. used to be mansions that are now hjaunted mansions with graffiti all over em and people walking reeeeal slow in front. scared the shit outta me and nothing scares me;. not even public speaking.

when i drive i pull over alot and check things on google maps;. if they had a top jar id tip em. i know thyre rich but rich people shold be tipped too.

hung out with the outrageously gorgeous and funny mae ko. damn. another one with a boyufriend. we had a nice lunch today at som e italian place and you wouldnt think that there are super cool people in a weird place like detroit but there thye are. she says shes gonna fix me up with her 20 yr old sister but ive heard that before.

i drive slow so the trip from detroit to toronoto was super slow. first i had to cross THE BRIDGE TO CANADA. which is old and tall and crazyu. tons of trucks on there and only one row for cars.

the dude at the canadian border said purpose of your trip. and i had to think about it. finally i said to taste canadian pussy. i said it because every other answer i gave didnt make him flinch once.

fucker flinched.

had to take a nap in a rest stop for 15 minutes. theres signs all over the 401 that say Take it Easy. or 2 demerits of youre caught driving 120. so sweet these canadians, it oughtta just say., “nasty slap on the wrist if ytou get caught killing people.”

now im in a hotel in toronto and its 3am . im drunk and tired and sleepy and i could use a nice girl to lay with me tonight but i would just waste it and pass out; which is what im bggoonnna do now.

ps the interwnet connction here blws

xoxoxox