if he thinks someone is stealing the signs he might put two fingers down and adjust his mask, the adjustment means “fuck what i threw down, its gonna be a fastball.”

some catchers just throw down any fingers so the pitcher needs to count how many pumps the catcher made, if he throws down fingers just once its a fastball, twice its a curve.

me and jeanine do the same thing on the phone because its tapped due to some counterintelligence that we havent all sorted out yet.

we do it with “i love yous.” lets say we need to rendevous at the Rustic. well, thats everyones favorite place so that is one exchange of “i love you’s”

me: i love you
she: i love you too, see you next week.

that means, “fine, see you at the rustic ASAP.”

if she wants to meet at The Drawing Room across the street from the Rustic, that would be the second option so she’ll throw in another “i love you” at the end of the convo.

me: thanks for calling, pretty girl, i love you.
she: i love you too.
me: ok, bye.
she: i love you a lot.
me: i love you a lot too, bye.

and so on.

just like in baseball, you can wipe off a sign real easy by touching your cheek or rubbing your left leg with your right hand.

me and jeanine do it the simple way by sarcasticly inserting a “but secretly i hate you,” added with a laugh.

yesterday she called and wanted to meet me on the wesssside at my favorite bar over there Del’s Saloon.

but since i dont live anywhere near there any more, it takes a lot of “pumps” to get it out.

me: ok, sexy secretary. i love you.
she: right on nice boy, i love you too.
me: ok bye.
she: but i really love you.
me: but i really love you too.
she: as in love love, but not in the way that you’re hoping, but i love you.
me: yes, i love you in a filthy way.
she: your filthy way is sweet, thats why i love you.
me: ok bye.
she: but i love you anyway.
me: thats a whole lotta love. i love you too.
she: like whitney said when bobby brought her home the oregon buds, i will always love you.
me: yeah me too.
she: ok, i love you.
me: ok, see you at the gospel brunch sunday at the house of blues.
she: definately! but be there on time this time, mister.
me: you were the one who was late.
she: hehehe yeah, i know.

that means, get your ass over to Del’s pronto.

when we got there she told me that she loved it when i put pictures of monkeys on my site. which wasnt code for nothing.

but this is: hey jeanine, check out this crazy canadian who loves, i mean loves fountains— thanks sks.

a year ago today i made a photo essay

the other day so we could go to the dodger game, he looked at my desk, looked at my inexpensive computer, accidentally looked at my pay stub that was just sitting there, and later asked me a question that i get asked every now and then and i never know how to take it.

he asked, do those guys, you know, know who you are?

so badly i wanted to say bro i dont even know who i am if youre going to put it that way.

people ask me if im famous, or if i know that im famous or they freak out if i link to them and its extremely nice, dont get me wrong, but its like being one of the best dungeon and dragon players – but not the best. i could totally understand if i was number one, but im not even number 250. im like number 369. with a bb.

i get offers to sell out the busblog and i think about it. i get offers to sell out tonypierce.com and i really think about that. someone offered to pay most of my rent per month for something that i dont even know is a bad thing. it could be, and if it turned out to be i could stop it after a few weeks. i dont know. its all very confusing. its like if someone asked me to sell them some of my Magic The Gathering cards, or crazier still, autograph some.

i bring this up because right now theres a girl who i never met, and have only talked on the phone a few times, flying out here from the midwest to spend the weekend with me. will it be sexual? who knows. these things usually are though. will it be fun? who knows. sometimes theyre fun. sometimes theyre painfully awkward.

this was a winner of a contest from my favorite magazine, Black Webmaster. sometimes people will ask me if i will autograph a book i wrote or something and it will get auctioned and the money will go to charity. and because i love Black Webmaster i probably said yes to anything they said, especially “win a date with tony pierce”. at first they were going to get put up at a local motel, then Black Webmaster found themselves in some financial issues since i think Michael Jackson bought them and now hes in difficulties so theres not a lot of money coming through.

and then the girl wrote me and shes not bad looking and she said that she is really afraid of the neighborhood where the motel is and i said wheres the motel and she said i think its right by your house. and i said yeah in that case id be afraid of the neighborhood too. so i just told my friends at BM that she could stay with me and i would just sleep on the couch.

when i stopped doing acid a long time ago i substituted that reckless behavior with new reckless behavior and if im going to die, id rather it be at the hands of some crazed fan with pert knockers than from driving a hippie van on liquid from a phish show.

so theres good news and bad news of being king nerd. the good news is the person who won the contest won it because she answered the most tony pierce trivia questions correctly, which means shes read my blog for a while and knows that im a dope and hopefully has very low expectations. the bad news is if she has read my blog for a while she knows only the things that i have chosen to write about. meaning she doesnt know me at all. she knows the busblog tony. real tony is shorter fatter and has hair growing out of all sorts of fucked up places.

and his trunk smells like standing water.

so i have to go to the car wash and vaccuum that shit and make it to LAX and try to be charming and play the little game that i like to call stopwatch. stopwatch includes entering the house, my house, and starting the stopwatch and then seeing how long it takes till the girl gets naked.

previous contestants of this game have lasted on average twenty minutes.

and i promise you if youve met me in real life you would ask yourself the same question that i ask – how is any of this at all even slightly possible?

i will give you one hint. if you’re playing fun games like stopwatch – even if no one else knows youre playing – someone is bound to win.

blogstock tomorrow night at formosa in west hollywood – get to buy chad a drink, sounds like he needs one

but i havent. and ive only had one first girlfriend. her name is mary and today is her birthday.

mary and i met in the suburbs of america. she was tall and blonde with blue eyes and a huge smile and i was not tall not blonde and starstruck. i was afraid to even talk to her, she seemed like a goddess from another planet. she definately didnt belong in our town, and sure enough she was only visiting.

her friend was one of those weird lame chicks who you really shouldnt blow off because those girls always seem to have one super fine best friend. in this case that friend was mary.

im not exactly sure how i got her number, but i did and soon we were talking on the phone three times a week, and then every day and then twice a day.

this went on for years.

even though she said i was her best friend, i didnt believe it. even though she was clearly into me, i was young, i was in high school, what the heck did i know. we never went on dates, we hardly did anything together because she lived several towns away and i didnt have a car at 15… legally.

we did go to a few hockey games, we went rollerskating maybe once, but that was it. the only time i ever saw her in person was when her mom drove her back over to our town to hang out with Susie.

one day Mary told me that her dad was going to transfer to california. i was crushed. it wasnt going to happen for a few months, but it was then that i knew i had to make my move. at this point took fate in my own hands and i stole my mothers car and we went to see “Wargames” with matthew broderick. i wanted to make a move on her then but it was such a great film that i didnt know what to do and i got a hug goodnight.

the next week we went to see Steve Martin’s “the man with two brains”. it was funny, but in her driveway tom petty’s “breakdown” came on the radio and i knew it was a sign above saying “feel her up! take off your pants! show her your sausage!” but i was very shy so all i did was lean over and kiss her.

and then i floated home.

when i got there my mom thought i was on drugs. and she grounded me for stealing the car.

a few weeks later mary and i made out on her school’s playground, and then a week later at mine. we did it there because we had some good memories there but bad ones too. so every place where someone did something mean to us or bad, we made out, and it washed away those bad memories. fortunately for me i had a lot of bad shit happen to me. but after a while i only had good memories.

and today as she celebrates her 29th birthday i send this message in a bottle to the girl who will always be in my heart.

moxie + dave + ex playboy bunnies

by tony pierce. who doesnt know shit.

as you know i have a curious little friendship with one of your favorite rock stars. i dont really know why he likes the busblog, or me, or our phone conversations, but i like them and thats all that matters.

your hero is an incredibly intelligent, thoughtful, analytical and creative man. he’s also quite sensitive, somewhat emotional, and ridiculously talented. ive known my fair share of musicians and matt is the only one who ive never heard practice. and yet the times ive seen him play live, i didnt hear one guitar playing mistake. in fact rarely did i even see him look at his fingerings. hes a prodigy and a freak.

i did hear him loosen up his vocal chords in his apartment a few hours before soundcheck, so i checked off Human on my little pad.

he loves web design, and wordpress, and politics and hockey and his fans and his dogs, not at all in that order. his dogs are probably at the top of the list. hes very much in love with canada especially vancouver.

there are also many things he doesnt love. he doesnt love idiot commentors on blog posts. he doesnt love wrenches being thrown at him at concerts. and he also doesnt like most of what the Bush Administration has done to not only iraq and america, but the rest of the world.

me, im a little more mellow about all of that shit. but guess what, mellow dudes write really dull tunes. the more sensitive and uptight you can get, the better your music, ive noticed. which is why i suggested that bruce springsteen get out of his mansion and back on the backstreets where he can crank out some better records like he used to.

now again, i dont pretend to know matt. we’ve hung out a few times in canada, once here in LA, we’ve spoken on the phone maybe a dozen times, maybe more, and i am still a novice when it comes to most of his music. but when we talk, he is an open book, quite honest, always frank, and speaks from a place of real history and passion.

when he writes that doesnt always come across because you cant hear his tone, and you cant grasp the speed at which his mind works. but its fast. its fast and its true.

when a dumbshit commentor waltzes through the busblog and drops a load of bullcrap in this holy space, sometimes i get a little upset, sometimes i just let it go – especially if one of you tell the ignorant prick to piss off. matt remembers it, gets idignant, and focuses his energies on the asswipe for a good four or five minutes. i tell him they’re not worth even five seconds, but matt obviously didnt spend 10 years smoking pot every day like moi. hateful ignorant shit affects him as it would affect most humans. it bothers him.

meanwhile he’s also deeply engrossed in writing a new record. the creative process may be one thing to you, a different thing to me, but when you talk about the process for a man who has made a career of being creative its an entirely different deal. something i have no understanding about. matt’s got no second job or real estate development deals, all his chips are on his music, and his music isnt about selling records, its about being real and raw and full of passion. he walks a very difficult tightrope, far above the clouds.

finally matt is a leader. he can be a team player, but his most comfortable role is that of the boss, which is fine because every group needs a boss. when it comes to blogging and design and styles and come-froms, he enjoys changing shit up a lot. anyone who has seen the mblog over the last year saw a variety of unique looks and designs. if his blog were a woman it would have been jennifer garner in alias. constantly changing, always sexy.

so matt isnt blogging any more at thought mechanics because that is his choice. he is writing a new record for you and he has been dedicated to that endeavor for a little while now and he needs to focus up.

hes got no time to bother himself with distractions or designs or dumbshits even those in power at the white house and parliment. hes a rock star with rock songs that need to get out there.

my guess is when he returns to blogging he will probably do it on the mblog which he put on hiatus while he blogged over at thought mechanics. but who knows. one reason i like matt is hes full of surprises.

because we now have an extra slot open at thought mechanics, prettyboy ben allbright phoned me today to let me know that theron and he agreed that he would be writing at thought mechanics starting very soon. me, i will try to write more over there, but politics depresses me, but thats something ive gotta get over.

as for matt, i invited him to guest blog over here at the busblog whenever he wants to as long as its not about politics. unless he’s calling someone in dc a cocksucking fuck, a phrase i dont believe ive seen him type before.

anyways, some of you have emailed me about this situation and some have left comments and after exchanging an email with matt i figured that this would be a good place to let you know that matt is working on a record and he wants it to be good because he loves you. the end.

ben allbright + matthew good dot org + thought mechanics + hag slut

weezer
make believe
geffen records

expectations are everything and when pinkerton came out many moons ago pop music turned its back on its most unlikely genius only to rediscover him when it was too late.

nobody ran out to buy the followup to the classic blue album, but after a few months we all realized its glittering wonderfulness and even if rivers doesnt consider it a masterpiece, everyone else does and thats all that matters, right?

apparently not if youre the guy who writes the songs.

make believe is just another in a growing line of the non blue album non pinkerton records by americas favorite nerds that reminds you why people get wedgies.

other than the cheesy single beverly hills, many of the tracks in the new record sound like typical post-pinkerton weezer: rivers singing little timid love songs of longing to girls who would probably do him if he just shut his damn mouth.

rivers has turned into such a fragile little boy that its almost as if he has bought into the clark kent myth forgetting that theres a superhero beneath those glasses.

make believe is so soft it makes the last cure record sound like metallica.

remind me not to let my rock idols take time off to go to harvard.

any classic weezer guitar solos? yes, one. on the ridiculous call-for-help frat anthem “we are all on drugs”.

did rick rubin lose all the good songs in his beard?

no, “hold me” is perfect for the thirteen year old cheerleader in your life who watches too much american idol and “freak me out” is proof that anyone could be the postal service.

weezer and rick rubin have made a record ideal for little girls while turning their backs on the young men of their audience. theres no in the garage, theres no dope nose, hell theres not even a love explosion. did rivers have a migrane when he recorded this?

bring back matt sharp and we can make believe this never happened.

Loose Change is fucking awesome.
im not (usually)into conspiracies but i loved it.