yes i have a maid. in hollywood its a requirement cuz they know guys like me can be pigs.

when i lost my job in may i also lost my girlfriend, so the plan this summer was to sit in my stench and smoke weed and beat off and not do shit until it started getting cold.

after i took a little trip to las vegas i quit smoking weed and i found myself new employment. best laid plans and all that.

so the other day when my friends came over to party with me i realized that i had a really funky apartment. not funky in a good way. funky in a did-i-really-not-do-my-dishes-for-three-months way.

today my maid took care of all that.

ive got a pretty good deal going with her. she used to work for the old lady upstairs for just above minimum wage. i told her id double that wage and tip her on top of it. so for $40 she does all the great things youd want a maid to do for you.

each time she comes over i usually have something extra that i ask her for.

this week there were two main issues. the first was the sink. i promised her that id soak the dishes before she came over. the second was the fridge. some raw meat bled all over the bottom of the fridge. i asked her to scrub that out real good.

for her troubles i gave her an extra twenty bones. so basically sixty bucks for what the old lady would have paid her $20 for. needless to say she loves me and does extra cool things for me.

no, not that, pervs. ive never met her. we do all our transactions by phone. sometimes she will have a pot of homemade soup for me, sometimes she will have a pie in the fridge cooling for my ass. today she put my duvet cover over my duvet, folded my shirts, and patched up my favorite pajama bottoms.

god i love her.

i feel clean all of a sudden. i feel like a man again. i feel like i can ask a girl to come over and i might even feel ok with her walking around my hardwood floors barefooted. how she accomplished some of this is beyond me because someone seemed to have entered my home last week and swiped my broom, and only my broom.

im watching high fidelity right now.

im about to open up john madden ’06.

im contemplating reviewing some porn that just arrived in the mail

but im so tired i might just see whats new with madden and call it a night.

im old, america. so old.

im so old if in a month my house is the same shape it was this morning and a hot babe said you can either give me sixty bucks for twenty minutes of hot action or you can give it to your maid id no question give it to my maid.

thats old.

and the cubs are coming back.

bored housewife + sleepless in sarasota + pics of tsar playing to huge crowds

a liar? perhaps. but not really. theres something basic and instinctual about lying. kids do it and for some reason the practice isnt as repulsive as straight up pussying out of something because youre a chickenshit.

ive built a pretty decent following with a blog that straight up says “nothing in here is true” and hardly anyone gives me a hard time for it, but if i backed down from a dare, or if i refused to answer certain questions, or if i weasled my way out of a mess that id created without answering to those who ive directly affected i doubt i would have the readers that i have now.

which brings us to the president of the united states and his neverending plunge into the depths of becoming the worst “leader” we’ve ever had.

not only is this “war” in iraq becoming officially fubar, but now he doesnt have the courage to meet with a woman, cindy sheehan, who is camped out infront of his ranch because he’s afraid that she’s going to ask him the tough questions that the liberal press wont ask.

the questions i believe would begin with wtf.

“wtf did my son die in iraq for?”

simple enough question for a simple enough man.

by trying to ignore her and not take her up on her request for a 20 minute sit-down, or even a lunch, bush is basically saying, “i can barely speak english, the last thing im going to do is try to bullshit you, so i’d rather hide out on my ranch and pretend to play cowboy with condi and all the other sellouts on my staff.”

this woman’s son was an altar boy, an eagle scout, an honor student, and then a marine. he’s now dead. she’s camping out in front of the presidents ranch to ask him “what honorable cause did my son die for?”

if the president wants to continue the current lie of “to help bring freedom to iraq” he can do that, but i think he pisses his pants worrying about what her follow up will be which is “saddam was caught over a year ago, and btw when we were first gearing up for iraq all you kept talking about were wmds, terrorism, and 9/11… you didnt really mention freeing any repressed people, you talked about how we’d be met with flowers and candies.”

odds are she might cry when she asks these questions, and seriously, who wants to handle tough questions with a crying mom when youre on a five week vacation

in the middle of a war

as gas prices are soaring

and your honesty ratings are sinking

and your party is splitting apart

and the only way you can get people into office is to sneak them in when congress is on their recess?

shit if i was a coward id hide out on my ranch too, with the ac on high.

and not talk to a woman.

and id sit and laugh as my neighbors fired shotgun shells over this grieving mom’s head, and id giggle as pick up trucks ran over the crosses laid down near her encampment, and id sneer as fred the beetle barnes calls her a crackpot and o’reilly talked shit about her, and id look at the clock and wait for my term to expire before i fucked up this country even more and helped kill even more innocents.

if i wasnt a coward id invite her personally to lunch on my ranch and id say your son died in americas best interests, he died protecting iraqis who might not even know how important this time in history is, he died doing the work that many dont have the guts to do, and although it might seem in vain right now, it isnt.

and i would do my best not only to let her put her misery and grief to rest, but i would do my best to show her a bigger picture which her son played an important role.

instead bush is going to squander this opportunity and turn it into a bad thing that only gets worse with each day. finally the peacenicks have a groundzero and a martyr to rally behind.

meanwhile the president looks like the coward that he’s always been. the one who wont talk with the naacp, who has held fewer press conferences than any other president, and now a weasle who cant even take a meeting with a woman who actually has a good reason to talk to him.

and hes going to continue to make his party look like the hypocritical blowhards that its looking more and more that they are.

because anyone who is still supporting this sort of activity and this sort of blantant apathy to the families of servicemen and women who are giving their lives for this administration’s beliefs – those supporters are just as bad as the leaders because they are enabling this type of weak spineless visionless clusterfuckery.

even cowboy fans boo their team when they continue to fumble.

to back this president and his current actions – specifically his cowardice with this woman – is exactly the type of sheep-like behavoir that helps create tyrants and tragedies. and contributes to abuses like we have yet to see.

a bullshit from the backrow is one thing, but one from the front row, especially when its needed, gets the train back on the track.

and if ever there was a time for the Right to call bullshit on this president, its right about now.

unless of course, you’re just as cowardly as he is. in which case, keep smiling and pretending its all good in the hood.

buchannan: the bottom is falling out of the support for the prez + daily show + meet with cindy.org

when i talk about politics. shes not the only one.

she wrote in and said that if she took a picture of she and her sister in catholic girl skirts would i just shut up and write about her.

i said, bribery and flattery will get you everywhere.

she enclosed the following picture and told me that i am the sexiest man she’s ever known.

::sigh:: if only she loved me for my mind.

ashley is finishing up her summer vacation in las vegas this weekend. the family took a quick trip to sunny palm springs followed by a spur of the moment excursion to the happiest place on earth and then back to vegas for more heat. ashley loves it hot. i do too.

this weekend her daddy’s gonna buy her a car, which is going to be an interesting situation because that means that she will probably be making more trips up to see me than what has been the norm.

in my quest to help her find boys her own age, i have suggested that she really shouldnt be calling and emailing and hanging with me as much as she does but she just calls me stupid and tells me how much she misses me.

recently Hef emailed me and told me that he has the same troubles with his girfriends which is why he’s up to 6 of the blonde bombshells currently.

“gotta take the good with the bad,” he told me, “plod on the best that you can, dude.”

i like it when older guys say “dude.” it sounds so funny.

there is an old budhist line that goes: what you resist, persists.

this is the first time ive ever pushed a girl away who would have nothing of it.

i cant say it’s terrible.

whats also pretty neat is when people borrow from my style. recently ive seen annessa talk to her blog, kool keith interview several of his personalities simultaneously, as well as various others who take pics from reuters and write around them.

imitation pleases me.

pretty much my whole experience of blogging has been quite a happy little journey of suprising discoveries.

people write in and try to narc on others who are “biting” my style, but i think its fine. humans are animals who grow by mimicking. i dont wear my influences on my sleeve, i plaster them right across my chest: bukowski, e.e., sukenick, royko, layne, welch, vaine, jd salinger, spin, maxim, the man show, howard stern.

after a while ones own personality will come through.

maybe next week will be the week that mine will finally make it here.

lets hope it has been worth the wait.

flagrant + danielle needs a hug + leah + too beautiful

there is enough treachery,
hatred violence absurdity
in the average human being
to supply any given army on any given day

and the best at murder
are those who preach against it
and the best at hate are those who preach love
and the best at war finally are those who preach peace

those who preach god, need god
those who preach peace do not have peace
those who preach peace do not have love

beware the preachers
beware the knowers
beware those who are always reading books
beware those who either detest poverty
or are proud of it
beware those quick to praise
for they need praise in return
beware those who are quick to censor
they are afraid of what they do not know
beware those who seek constant crowds for
they are nothing alone
beware the average man the average woman
beware their love, their love is average
seeks average

but there is genius in their hatred
there is enough genius in their hatred to kill you
to kill anybody
not wanting solitude
not understanding solitude
they will attempt to destroy anything
that differs from their own
not being able to create art
they will not understand art
they will consider their failure as creators
only as a failure of the world
not being able to love fully
they will believe your love incomplete
and then they will hate you
and their hatred will be perfect

like a shining diamond
like a knife
like a mountain
like a tiger
like hemlock

their finest art

– Charles Bukowski, 1966

a girl named fred + zip the pinhead + agora aconteceu + airport sitter

your hero. the greatest writer of all time. american or otherwise. the reason for everything.

today i write to you from hollywood california, where the king of the world once lived. lived for a long time. drank mostly, but lived a lot too.

bukowski, savior to the underclass, defender of the forgotten. hope to the ugly and the scarred and the uncool and the sick.

proof that poetry can come from everywhere, even the drunkard in the corner with the bag around his bottle.

like most great things, the Lord showed me bukowski in a library. procrastinating as always i roamed the 8th floor stacks in santa barbara and found a tidy little row of one bukowski novel after another. mixed in were poems. quick little ones, longer ones.

lines that floated in space

gave you time to think about them

everyday language in everyday settings like diners and hotel rooms and train stations and factories.

bukowski showed us that the hero of the story could have a nickel to his name and bad breath

and maybe not even the best intentions even, but he was alive and therefore somehow important, and the story would explain what first glance couldn’t.

the lesson of bukowski is the lesson for anything: don’t give up, you might not be an american idol at nineteen, you might not be born with the looks of a kennedy, you might not always have the luck o the irish, you might not even ever have a number one best seller on the ny times list. but you still have a shot at being the best because being the best isn’t about movie star looks, units moved, or luck.

being the best is about banging it out every day and every night better than the next guy, and definitely better than the pretty boy. its about taking back the night. its about picking fights until everyone knows that you’re in the ring and you might not be the king of each battle but you’re a force to be reckoned with. somehow.

bukowski didn’t have to speak french in his novels the way hemingway did. he didn’t have to tap dance around his drinking or stick his pinkie out or have to use the right glass or be international. he just fucking drank.

hem talked about wars and signed up and fought and buk fought too except he didn’t have the luxury of leaving after a few years, hank fought for decades. and lost for decades.

hemingway was 24 when he wrote the sun also rises and it was published immediately.
bukowski never had a steady publisher until he was nearly twice that, hell, he didn’t even start writing seriously until he was in his late thirties, but as soon as he started writing he never stopped. not even his mindless fulltime job at the LA post office that nearly killed him after his third year got in the way of his writing. in fact, when he returned to the grind and stayed there 12 more years, he finished his run by knocking out one of the finest novels of the american working class “Post Office.”

As a matter of fact, once John Martin launched Black Sparrow Press out of his own pocket, pretty much just to allow bukowski to quit his job and write as much as he wanted, he reeled off an impressive string of novels and poetry collections of high quality, creativity, and depth.

Notes of a Dirty Old Man, 1969
Post Office, 1971
Mockingbird Wish Me Luck, 1972
South of No North, 1973
Burning in Water Drowning in Flame, 1974
Factotum 1975
Love Is A Dog From Hell, 1977
Women, 1978
Play The Piano Drunk Like a Percussion Instrument Until the Fingers Begin To Bleed A Bit, 1979
Dangling in the Tournefortia, 1981
Ham On Rye 1982
Hot Water Music, 1983

i like bukowski because he barely bitched about his lot in life. he didn’t run around saying oh woe is me. he didn’t write about how ts eliot was kicking his ass in book sales. he didn’t whine about how a certain young lady said she wouldn’t f him even if she lost a bet.

one thing bukowski did that i wish i had the guts to do was send his shit out to the world. he mailed off his poems and his stories and his everythings out to the publishers and magazine editors and newspapers and they mailed pretty much everything back.

far too punk rock for the good paying literature mags of his day, bukowski was forced to write for sex papers underground magazines and collections of unheard poets and writers. but unlike van gogh he kept at it. getting little nibbles here and there. writing regardless. telling the stories of everyday life in americas lower class.

he married a wealthy five-foot tall texan with a stiff neck, divorced her, and then married two other times.

late in his life good luck found him and not only did he die wealthy and famous, but he lived the last decade of his life respected for staying true to himself, never selling out or changing for the times or for the big bucks.

his stories and novels live on. his poems resonate stronger now than ever. theres not a writer alive who match him with the one-two punch of poetry and fiction, longevity, and production.

and unlike papa hemingway and the other quote unquote important american writers other than twain, bukowski could make you laugh.

flash + kyle + riley dog + xtracyx

nothing. theres not even vaccuumming happenning in a vaccuum.

member when i told you about my relationship to tsar? how we all worked at the daily nexus at ucsb including two members of tsar.

108. mimi

well the lead singer of the band is jeff whalen, who was pretty damn good at the paper his own self, but his brother was just that much better. jeffs brother is named pat.

now the first time that i started reading the nexus was when steve elzer was running the ship. and back then he had a freshman sports editor named pat. pat became editor in chief as a sophomore, which is unheard of, especially when you realize all the talent that was overflowing at the paper. and mind you, we knew even then how much talent was all up in that shit. so for pat to be running the show at 19 years old tells you who he is.

pat was definately my hero at the paper. i approached him when i first walked in the doors and i saw him face down on the couch and i passed him by and asked if i could speak to the editor. someone nodded to the heap on the couch and i was all oh. and then i was all, i love this place.

when pat wasnt passed out he was writing the best news stories and telling the best tales and debating everyone about guns n roses or turning dudes like me onto the geto boys.

now we nexus boys all pretty much live near each other in hollywood. but pat lives in prauge. however for the last few weeks he has been vacationing in his childhood home of long beach.

the other day ben sullivan of the science blog started a little email chain among we nexus males. he tossed around the idea of drinking of booze and eating of greasy meats and potatoes.

maybe they do that sort of thing, but i dont. i stay at home or i head over to hot babes condos or i patrol the meanstreets of la keeping this fair city safe.

but ben hardly ever bothers me and pat is still pretty much my hero, and even welch will tell you that if it wasnt for pat, none of us would be the writers that we are today. everything we did was to be better than him. and sometimes, but not often, we acheived it.

so yes, for pat, i would get off the babysitter and spend the evening out in the bars and in the restaurants and party and reminice and hang out.

best laid plans… the party ended up at my house. everyone brought lots of booze and pretty much all of it was consumed. me and os picked up two pizza pies and some arbys for good measure and welch came over with a costco box full of chips.

i passed around some pictures of our glory days and we laughed and pointed at people and judged and ridiculed and at one point one of my new neighbors came over intrigued by the merriment and asked to join in. why not.

i took a baseball from my shelf and got all the boys to sign it because how often do a dozen of your best friends all come over and hang with you. yes there were some missing pallies. but those who were here all signed my ball and we took pics and we listened to good music and just hung out.

i dont know why i never do that. i dont know why i will give girls all my attention or crooks or bosses or traffic or the internet or television all my love and not my friends but i do. and tonight it was great to take a break driver eight and drink beer out of a can and kick everyone out at two so i could write you and pass oout.

wade + floorpie + thor garcia + sploid

hi.

thanks for writing me so much.

here on earth we dont have porn ads on the top part of our emails. believe it or not, but people here will read the emails without advertisments. so naturally, i thought your emails were what we call Spam.

sorry.

youve all written so much that i feel its best if i answer you in this post.

first of all, thank you so much for reading it. i knew how i was getting about 100 hits a day, but i was always curious as to who the other 900 people were, so this explains a lot. welcome.

The United States. i live in the United States of America. im sorry that i just call it America. its a lazy american thing to do. i know that theres south america and central america and the usa is in north america, but when i write it as “america” i am sorta saying, “yes i know this is arrogant. we are arrogant. and we’re probably going to stay this way for a while.”

rock music. the cds i gave you are rock. you are hearing guitars and drums and someone yelling. what youre feeling is the bass. the purpose of rock music is to help you remember that youre a live animal. which is what we are at our core.

the best rock music is dangerous and agressive and wild and powerful. it’s also nice when it can be sensitive and subtle and insightful. but as long as it rocks it could be completely full of shit. it’s the music of the common man and the only thing that matters. next to spirituality, of course.

almost all of you asked me about either beer or cigarettes or drugs. even though we dont have fancy space machines, odds are humans are smarter than you. we just havent been around as long. one of the drawbacks to being so smart is life gets boring, so some people like to get fucked up so they can look at things with innocent eyes. other people are so smart that they outthink themselves out of doing the things they want to do, so they get drunk and let loose.

some people are just stupid.

theyre the ones who smoke cigarrettes.

but they do look cool, which is generally the point, and old age has never been marketed as being all that, so maybe these cool kids are on to something.

usually we keep our voting records private, but since so many of you asked, im going to vote for larry flynt as governor of california. at first i was going to vote for gray davis because its not right that he should have to win a second election in the middle of his term, but then i thought, fuck him. he should be bitching more and hes not so fuck him.

im voting for larry flynt for the same reason that people lie about why they say theyre going to vote for the terminator. they say arnold is a good businessman, but very few people in the world are as successful as larry flynt. hustler, the magazine he’s best known for, actually brings in just a fraction of all the monies he gets from magazine publishing. and he’s ugly, and hes crippled, and hes slightly insane, and he has set the bar for what is completely dirty. and in america, thats a tough trick.

most of the people here though are pretty nervous about how others will perceive them. they run around being a certain way so that they will have a better chance of being successful. but larry flynt has shown us that you can be the grossest frog mouthed s.o.b on the block and if you know what youre doing you can Still build a golden tower in beverly hills from all the money that you’ll end up with.

and how sweet would it be for the republicans to see that their dirty little coup resulted in hell freezing over and larry flynt ending up governor of california?

itd be enough to put the state on the map.

anyway, thanks for writing, i will answer more questions and clear more things up later.

love,

tony

p.s. my flying car is not for sale, and neither is chopper one. thanks though!

kitty bukkake + chase me ladies + alecia

starring tony as the beaver.

ive decided that the reason that this blog hit an icy patch this summer was because i havent been chasing any girls. nor have i allowed any girls to chase me.

ive been super good at playing impossible to get for a while and i let my guard down for this new job and it doesnt matter what hoop they ask me to jump through ive said k and its been all good.

today someone asked me to be in a tv show. i tried to tell the nice person that im not talent but she insisted. and when the time is right i will make my way to the other side of the camera and let people like xeni and wil get the makeup applied and i will sit in the control room with my feet up and thats the way those of us who really dont want to be on tv let it happen.

yesterday in the comments someone asked me about marriage. in a perfect world i know exactly who i would marry, i know exactly where we live, and i know exactly what we’d name our kids.

angus, evel, and jezebelle.

and i know exactly what id do for a living.

id have a morning tv talk show for kids. we’d have two-minute cartoons the likes theyve never seen. there will be art projects and things to do on your computer and games and magic tricks, monsters, and tales of good and evil.

and kids would send in dvds of themselves telling jokes and punk’ing their grandparents, and theyd bring their pets on the air and we’d watch the pets wizz all over the stage.

my hero growing up was mr. ray rayner and the problem with deregulation is there arent really any local programming any more and if ray rayner was around today he would be selling cars because aint no way ray rayner woulda been able to do his thing because wgn isnt really wgn any more. its tribune corp. and tribune corp can lick me.

cubs won yesterday, speaking of trib corp. and i dont know about this dusty baker character. how come he can get his dudes to beat the cards 2 outta 3 but not cincy? i must say that its pretty nice to see kerry wood come in in the eighth after mark prior with rick dempster closing. pretty nice indeed. but seriously wtf.

and its nice that nomah is hitting again, although if he had driven in a run i might still be in the race in this one fantasy league.

but you dont wanna hear about that, you wanna hear about how i should go back to chasing skirts again.

something happened to me this weekend. i was at a fancy party in malibu. i was at the biggest house ive ever been in. and the nicest. the pool was huge and the hottub was tiny. when you went inside the house they had it so you werent sure if you were inside cuz they had gardens and trees in the inside and you looked up and there was the sky and yep you were inside but you were outside.

the floor curved down when you were upstairs and the kitchen didnt have any walls. and the girls were cute and one of them had a wig on. and i wish i was making this up but im not on the pipe any more, so this is all real. and the music was techno but not bad and the sky was clear and the moon was up there sorta crescenty and it was saying hi tone, welcome back to malibu. this is where you nearly lost your virginity but you chose ventura instead. and i love you malibu and i always have. we will be together again one day.

and i look at that town the way the indians probably look at america. i dont think that anyone really deserves it except for those who have been there forever. and even though i first set foot there 21 years ago, even thats not long enough.

and a girl came up to me and asked if i had a light and i said baby you shouldnt smoke and she said you shouldnt drink. and i said how about you drink my drink and i’ll smoke your smoke and before i could see in the darkness what she was smoking she said deal and we swapped and there was a huge joint in my hand the size of a taquito.

only because im a man of my word did i light it and smoke it after i cracked open her cold beer.

and we shared the thing and the beer as she gave me a little tour of the mansion and once again i was distracted by the scenery to ask for her number but there it was, i had gone over a month without the herb and heres a few things i learned from the experience: weed still doesnt affect me much so im not going to touch the stuff for at least another month, pepperdine girls give away everything with their eyes, and perfume is truly underrated.

i had a dream about johnny rotten last night.

first good dream ive had in years.

k times + heroinegirl + mc brown knows everyone + my new podcast with raymi

xxxxbusblogxxxx: did you get hitched?

kristinpony: HIIII

xxxxbusblogxxxx: hi baby
xxxxbusblogxxxx: was today the day???

kristinpony: friday 🙂

xxxxbusblogxxxx: i wrote a tribute to you today
xxxxbusblogxxxx: cuz i thought today was the day

kristinpony: awwwwww
kristinpony: do you want to see some pictures? i am scanning
kristinpony: and i have some online

xxxxbusblogxxxx: of course!

kristinpony: ok one sec

kristinpony: that’s the first picture i got from the photographer (pictured)

xxxxbusblogxxxx: practice picture?

kristinpony: i have a few others and a lot of snapshots people took

xxxxbusblogxxxx: oh wait
xxxxbusblogxxxx: you got hitched on friday?!!?!?
xxxxbusblogxxxx: 8/12?

kristinpony: 8/12

xxxxbusblogxxxx: awwwwwwwww
xxxxbusblogxxxx: youre gorgeous there
xxxxbusblogxxxx: i will post that

kristinpony: thank you so much
kristinpony: i have more
kristinpony: you have options
kristinpony: lauren pony looked hot

xxxxbusblogxxxx: who?

kristinpony: my sister
kristinpony: !!!!

xxxxbusblogxxxx: you have a sister?

kristinpony: hah
kristinpony: here’s both of us, a crappy scan ;(

xxxxbusblogxxxx: youre so hot
xxxxbusblogxxxx: can i say that still?
xxxxbusblogxxxx: i better not

kristinpony: of course!

xxxxbusblogxxxx: i like your dress

kristinpony: thank you
kristinpony: it was really simple
kristinpony: no big train
kristinpony: lauren.. the maid of honor!

xxxxbusblogxxxx: fancy designer?

kristinpony: no way
kristinpony: sample sale
kristinpony: like 500 bucks altogether

xxxxbusblogxxxx: sweet
xxxxbusblogxxxx: fancy shoes?

kristinpony: shoetopia shoes!
kristinpony: pink. cute

xxxxbusblogxxxx: what brand though?

kristinpony: bombshelle i think
kristinpony: nothing fancy

xxxxbusblogxxxx: ps lauren looks eh

kristinpony: hott

xxxxbusblogxxxx: too much makeup

kristinpony: she’s gorgeous

xxxxbusblogxxxx: eh
xxxxbusblogxxxx: she needs a diamond studded cat collar
xxxxbusblogxxxx: for my liking
xxxxbusblogxxxx: and an ankle bracelette

kristinpony: here’s another sample from the photographer

xxxxbusblogxxxx: nice
xxxxbusblogxxxx: you got hitched at churchill downs?

kristinpony: no a beautiful catholic church
kristinpony: here’s another from the photog

xxxxbusblogxxxx: awwww
xxxxbusblogxxxx: did people cry?

kristinpony: a lot of people did

xxxxbusblogxxxx: did bugsy go?

kristinpony: naaah

xxxxbusblogxxxx: where are you registered so i can tell people

kristinpony: noooo way
kristinpony: we got 1000000 presents. i don’t want any presents

xxxxbusblogxxxx: but your fans…. we miss you
xxxxbusblogxxxx: and we will give way better presents than what you probably got

kristinpony: i got way good presents 🙂

xxxxbusblogxxxx: like????

kristinpony: a million things!

xxxxbusblogxxxx: llllllllllllliiiiiikkkkeeee?

kristinpony: a kitchenaid mixer!
kristinpony: lots of money. lots lots lots
kristinpony: everyting for the kitchen times two

xxxxbusblogxxxx: do you cook that much?

kristinpony: not really
kristinpony: blake does

kristinpony: heres the whole wedding party.. last one i promise

xxxxbusblogxxxx: yeah see, your sister is like the 4th hottest chick there
xxxxbusblogxxxx: big mistake of her to stop blogging

kristinpony: hah

xxxxbusblogxxxx: ps, may i have any of those bridesmaids?

kristinpony: which do you want?

xxxxbusblogxxxx: does it even matter?
xxxxbusblogxxxx: theyre all hot

kristinpony: i know
kristinpony: i had a pretty wedding

xxxxbusblogxxxx: ok im going to post the first pic and our convo. is that kosher?

kristinpony: mmm let me review convo
kristinpony: i will put my whole wedding album online i promise

xxxxbusblogxxxx: ok good
xxxxbusblogxxxx: and i want to talk to you on the phone and podcast you
xxxxbusblogxxxx: when will you be available for that?

kristinpony: sometime soon, law school starts a week from monday!! ahhh!
kristinpony: unless you want to hear about law school
kristinpony: i have one more picture i must show you

xxxxbusblogxxxx: shouldnt you be on your honeymoon?

kristinpony: we are going in dec. school starts soon
kristinpony: he is working still

xxxxbusblogxxxx: umpiring?
xxxxbusblogxxxx: pumping gas?
xxxxbusblogxxxx: tax collecting

kristinpony: umpire

xxxxbusblogxxxx: where at?

kristinpony: boise right now

xxxxbusblogxxxx: damn

kristinpony: yeppers
kristinpony: crazy
kristinpony: it was sad this morning
kristinpony: but we had a couple of nice nights 🙂

xxxxbusblogxxxx: awwww

kristinpony: i am scanning the picture that i dedicate to you

xxxxbusblogxxxx: youre very sweet

kristinpony: not the best scan but i thought you would enjoy it

kristinpony: me getting ready and drinking pink champagne

xxxxbusblogxxxx: sigh
xxxxbusblogxxxx: youre the hottest girl in america

kristinpony: whatevs

xxxxbusblogxxxx: hey wait is that the under thing to your dresssss?

kristinpony: duh!

xxxxbusblogxxxx: how am i supposed to know????
xxxxbusblogxxxx: well hey, congratulations!!! i hope you know that youre the best and all the boys of the world will be quite sad at this post. but who cares, it’s your happy day. so congrats!

kristinpony: thanks for being so sweet

gorilla mask + chokey chicken + dooce

ms kristin pony is getting married right this minute.

which means that everything that i type will be sour grapes.

and it is, so dont be fooled.

kristin of madpony discovered the busblog many moons ago and ever since then we became friends. there was a time when we’d email each other so much that i created a special hotmail account just for our conversations. and of course there were the encouragements from both sides to keep on blogging and keep on keeping on.

so of course when i went to austin this year for sxsw i was blown away when she drove eight hours south to meet me.

even though she had sent me hundreds of pictures and even though we spent a little amount of time on webcams, i was in no way prepared for the hotness that is kristin.

she is taller than youd think, skinnier, hotter, and sharper.

and then she kills you with that southern accent and that university sass.

i knew she was engaged but i didnt know how engaged until the glare from the rock on her dainty finger nearly blinded me.

i dont know who the fella is, shes sent me tons of pics of them, but all i know is hes the luckiest man in the world.

madpony kristin is the catch of the day. awesome disposition. funny as hell, quick as can be, perfect sense of what a good family is about since she comes from a great one, on her way to law school, on her way to everything.

im pretty sure she didnt invite me to the wedding because she knows what i think about young people getting hitched and was afraid that i’d cause a ruckus. told ya shes smart.

so smart even sk smith was all, gee tony, i think we met a girl out of your league.

if indeed today was her wedding day, and if indeed she actually went through with it, and if indeed she will be starting law school in the fall, hopefully now that all the wedding stuff is behind her we might be blessed with – if not a return to madpony – but something new that she updates once a week or two.

is that too much to ask?

anyways, kristin, wherever you are, if today was your big day, the busblog and all its readers wish you and your man a happy day and a happier honeymoon.

that sound of chinese firecrackers you hear are a million hearts breaking.

and yes i do have a pair of her shoes

and yes i may auction them off quite soon

for charity, of course.

a year ago this month + when adrants met kristin + shes nearly 23