listened to tom petty
kissed amber
watched the sopranos
blawwwwged
talked to my ma
had a coke and a smile
indulged in nature
made money in beverly hills
ubered and lyfted
thanked the Lord for my blessings
fed my cats
read the newspaper
read the Bible
eaten brocolli
broken federal law
i had a busy weekend. LAist party on Saturday afternoon. UCSB reunion on Sunday.
drank laughed ate drank ate laughed. it was sorta magical.
this morning amber woke up early. i dont like it when she does that.
it wakes me up. then im alone. then i think i should have an Early Morning Girlfriend.
that would be someone who replaces Amber when she leaves me in the AM.
this girlfriend would spoon with me, make my breakfast, tell me im wonderful
and then kiss me goodbye as i get on the bus.
pretty sure Amber wouldnt go for this, but you never know.
anyways Orange County is on fire right now.
pray for them.
biggest problem i have in sensual relationships is when a sobbing young lady spills her guts to me describing her problems
i give advice.
i’ll give you advice even if you arent crying.
hell, i give advice on here to people who arent even seeking advice.
bottom line: im garbage and should probably be avoided.
but some have been unable to avoid my charms and end up in a romantic relationship with me and are bombarded with
if i was you i woulda said this or
you shoulda done that
or have you tried this technique
or in my day we woulda just done it thisaway.
amber gets so upset when she is trying to confide in me she has thrown phones, books, and even a tire at me out of frustration.
a long time ago Etienne would say “stop bossing me, busblog” and i didnt fully grasp what her problem was with me but now it is clearer. im terrible.
if you tell me it hurts when i do this
im gonna say stop doing that.
when all they wanted was someone to listen. but i am not a listener. im a fixer. im michael cohen minus the secret recording devices. i am a problem solving machine. i enjoy fixing. i do not enjoy listening and keeping my mouth shut.
my innards do not work that way. my brain says “this girl you love is in pain, give her the pain relief no matter what it is. be the hero. use your love gun. put a bandaid on the problem. BEGIN THE BEGUINE.”
but i am told in more ways than one that a beguine is not being ordered. two ears two eyes and no mouth is whats being ordered. back rubs are being ordered. walks on the beach are being requested. scalp scratches. butterfly kisses. viewings of Blackish. uh huhs and oh nos.
but i am not that robot. i have two turn tables and a microphone. if anything its a maxiphone.
im gonna die alone.
gentle reader, i was the only black kid in grade school and junior high.
the way i look at it, i was lucky that anyone liked me for any reason.
but weirdly lots of people liked me. so bonus.
but dont get me wrong, lots of people also didnt like me, for many reasons, some of which are valid.
for example i am a loud mouth. for another reason, sometimes i omg get things wrong.
also i was punched a few times for being black. i wouldnt call it beating beat up, we were small kids and they didnt have a lot of strength. if anything it hurt emotionally to hear the n word accompanied with other kids holding me while another kid hit me.
and of course there was that time when i asked a girl to be my girlfriend in 6th grade and she said no because she said her dad would kill her.
those experiences and others made me believe the best thing I ever could: who cares if people like you as long as you are being cool to everyone.
thus i have had zero problems talking politics, the cubs, music, religion, or anything on this blawwwwg, or in life, or in my dreams, because who cares.
heres who you should care likes you:
the Lord
my mom,
and puppies.
super fascinating. sat in the front seat. apparently has lots of money and was cool.
so lets go.
drove through traffic and he was talking talking talking which was fine with me.
first he told me about his crazy friends who were buying and selling houses, then he was telling me about how he drives luxury cars too for fun and profit
but then he started telling me about when he was a paramedic in nyc.
“back then before GPS we would just park in an alley and sleep. if we heard a call come in like ‘Alex22, Alex22 are you there?’ we would just ignore it until they sent it to another vehicle. but some of those would balk at it. finally dispatch would say ‘Alex22 logging you out of the system in 3 seconds.’ and we would click the radio and say ‘Alex22 responding.'”
but a lot of times they would nap.
one day, he told me, they were in an alley and they heard that there were gunshots about two blocks away from them. so he told his partner to drive over to where he heard the sound. his partner was all, “fuck that, lets wait for the cops to get there.”
he was like, “we are literally 2 minutes away, lets roll, see whats happening, if its the wild west we will speed through but if theres a victim, lets do our DAMN JOB!”
so they drove and saw this teen boy literally gushing blood. gunshot to the neck.
my dude jumps out of the ambulance, and sees that every time the teen’s heart pumps, blood squirts out high and far from the wound. so he shoved his hand in the poor guy’s neck and blocks the artery. cops finally come. they all help him get the guy in the back of the ambulance, they speed to the hospital, the whole time keeping his finger on the hole.
when they made it to the hospital and got him into the operating room they finally let him get his finger out of that bloody neck and bing bang boom he ended up ok.
my dude got a note a month later and they said not only did the victim walk out of there, but he had zero brain issues.
i asked, is that the most heroic thing you ever did?
he said, it’s way up there.
but then he tipped me $5, which was heroic for me!
it was with me for 7 long years. it’s seen a ton. i wrote a ton on it. ive traveled with it, slept on it
and it tried to burn my legs time after time after time.
so now im torn between spending $1,200 on a used MacBook Pro
or $800 on refurbished MacBook Air
i want the Pro. I have a credit card that gives me a year of no interest on Apple purchases.
but heres the funniest reason i want the 2014 Pro… it has an HDMI output jack
something i have never needed or asked for, but because i know it exists i desperately want it.
if anyone ever claims that i am a smart person, please refer them to this post.
you know what Springsteen says
everything that dies some day comes back
put your makeup on, fix your hair up pretty
and meet me tonight in Atlantic City.
in other news, my computer has died so everyone is telling me to get a refurbished Mac from 2015
because that was the year they made the last great Macs
weirdly they cost as much as brand new ones.
which is sorta cool i guess because my now-dead one lasted 7 years.
and i used it every day
and i wrote to you almost every day.
and mama mia all the videos i saw on it and cubs games and work i did on it.
so i for sure got my moneys worth.
1. an actual satellite dish
2. to be the manager of the Cubs
3. 12 kids
4. three wives
5. an ’82 Corvette
6. to read a book a month
7. to be a preacher
8. to be in the air force
9. for everyone to love me
10. a boat
11. a fridge in the garage
12. shelves that line my ceiling so i can put all my books
13. a Harvard degree
14. 5 acres on the Umpqua River
15. to win the lottery yesterday
16. to run MTV
17. to get an A in any of my college classes at UCSB
18. to be mayor of Isla Vista
19. to meet Angus Young
20. a farm
21. a fine collection of toupees
22. for people to understand each other completely
there was a shootout at the local grocery store last week. people died.
it can happen no matter how great or not great the neighborhood.
all of a sudden a bullet slides into your DMs and its hi st peter
so today we were gonna go to catalina but she changed her mind so its malibu, land of ten thousand wakes
we saw this doc last night about twins who found out they were triplets
fascinating though immoral insight into nature vs nurture. whats weird is they use Donahue clips from an episode i remember seeing at like 10 years old
where separated at birth triplets are reunited 20 years later and they look and act the same
and i was, even at that young age, all, well i guess it doesnt matter if you work out or study or try to better yourself, you’re actually not driving the car, you’re at disneyland and youre on a track, you have no free will. but what was good about this doc, if you can swim your way through the muck to get to the finish line is that aha you do have free will, fantastic talk shows from the 70s and early 80s dont know everything.
theres more to the story. these tracks are suggestions. life isnt disneyland. you actually omg can be a triplet and have unique thoughts and depending on who raised you *does* affect how you view the world
and if you are lucky enough to have had an educated, independent and loving mom like me, things like respecting women, reading, researching, and being a good neighbor are requirements, not bonuses.
theres a slow train coming, y’all.
so this day may change a bit more as it goes which is cool because do you know how many times ive done that to others, including to myself.
fuckit maybe we will just go to disneyland and call it a day
well, i was born a poor black child
while in high school i went to iowa to check out a college, i was poisoned by a group of undercover miscreants
collectively called the xbi
who convinced me to move to california and join them.
at first their intentions were good, but as time passed it became obvious to me that they werent who they claimed to be and i left
but you never truly leave the xbi.
in order to lure me back into their good graces they have attempted to bribe me with lavish gifts, beautiful women, and delicious tacos
in a way, this blog is an accounting of the lovely, but immoral things that they have done to and for me so that i would some day return and fly their black helicopter, chopper one. the one thing i really miss. a lot.
who am i? im the same as you, a temporary visitor to this mortal coil, skateboarding on the tightrope over clever and stupid, dreaming of a time when one doesnt introduce themselves by elegant words that could never fit on a business card, but instead hold up a lotus bloom and esp everything
on saturdays i drive for lyft