and omg i had soul food breakfast this morn

and omg i got some tights so im ready for robin hood for movie club

lol

1. since when did doug kreigel move from knbc to keyt?

2. i love him, but why did they get the oldest guy on staff to do that story? for humor? ok then its funny.

3. why do you need 40 cops to handle a non-floatopia day?

4. why arent i mayor of IV yet?

5. do you believe that last girl saying she hasnt been drinking? love her.

i bought my mom a wii for mothers day. from amazon.

about a year ago i realized i bought a lot of things from amazon so i signed up for their Prime deal, which allows you to get free two day shipping on anything in their warehouse.

Prime cost $79 a year. and its gotta be good for amazon because you end up buying about 79 times the amount of stuff you should be buying from them because everything feels like a deal since its free shipping and it gets to you fast.

recently i bought a six pack of my favorite deodorant, a three pack of my favorite body wash, and some of these toilet scrubbers i like from amazon. normally youd buy em at Target or whatever, but you dont always think of those things when youre at target. plus its free shipping so why not.

what it does is it gets you thinking about amazon all the time. so when i wanted to get my mom a wii i figured i could go to target and put it on my target card, i could go to best buy and get those reward points for getting it from them, or i could get it from amazon and theyd ship it free and id skip a trip to the post office.

plus for $5 theyd gift wrap it. now i dont know about you, but im a dude, id much rather tip some kids at the mall $5 to wrap my gift than actually have to buy all those supplies and do a crappy job. so amazon gets the $5 tip instead.

mothers day comes and goes, no package. i asker if her nice neighborhood has gone bad, and shes all offended. well thats good. but no package? i ask her to look around back to the deck, to look under a bush, or ask a neighbor if maybe they are holding it for you.

negative on all counts.

id never called amazon before. so i forget to call them on weds, and thurs. here we are now more than a week after UPS allegedly dropped in on her porch. suddenly i was afraid that not only wouldnt amazon ship out another one, on them, but theyd blame me for waiting so long to call them.

so i go to amazon, they have a “call” button that you click. but first you plug in your phone number and after you click the button your phone rings and its them. wth? i got a lady who was clearly in a foreign land but she was nice, she apologized like a half dozen times, she put me on hold and called UPS, she came back and said they swear they delivered it but theyd “investigate”, and she says

we will have a replacement wii sent to your mother’s house for free.

no fuss, no muss, no weird paperwork to fill out. just “okey dokey you’re a prime customer and yep you buy a lot of weird crap, we can see from the gift wrapping you paid for and the cheesy note you wrote you love your mom and you sent her a wii she probably wont even use, so sure, this ones on us and we’ll try to squeeze it out of ups on the back end.”

im paraphrasing. and now i trust amazon even more than i trusted them before. they are a very good organization who always gets me my crap fast and maybe if i ever publish that childrens book for christmas i will actually let them sell it for me, something i never did in the past.

k, now i gotta finish cleaning my pad so a friend of yours can have a comfortable stay here this weekend.

not only did she find some black cock, but im glad to see she has a little theme going with her travel reportage

update on the diarrhea situation: still dire. anton has begun utilizing the poop hose. (spray hose that is in like every bathroom instead of toilet paper.) the diarrhea has reached unwipeable levels.

life does have a nasty way of balancing out the joy of our lives. whatevs. keep rockin you crazy kids

i think i do, but i cant get into it now.

but one thing that is definitely a problem that is working its way out is movie attendance.

not that people arent going to movies in droves, of course they are, its just that people arent going to as many movies as they would probably like to because theres this whole stigma and embarrassment about going alone.

my coworker Jevon and I realized that we go to movies almost every weekend. and because we’re confident brothas, sometimes we go alone.

so we figured out that we should make a cheesy-ass Movie Club.

which is what we’re doing.

Saturday.

Regal Theatre.

3:45pm

Robin Hood.

wear tights.

is now coming out in favor of Gay Marriage and Abortion Rights

dont you think it would have more courageous for her to say these things during the eight years that she was in the white house?

what is it about being in washington dc that makes people clam up about the things they feel passionately about?

simple things like human rights?

but at the same time they have no problems going to war or demonizing people.

power is a freaky thing and as a Christian, i find it interesting that these people attain power in part by leaning on their alleged Christian beliefs, but then totally hide a part of their heart that they know would affect the world if they revealed.

personally i think courage and honesty is a vital part of Christianity.

not honesty like “oh i never told a lie” but honesty like “i know you think i think these things, but in truth, i think the opposite.”

of course being the First Lady isnt an elected office, and she isnt burdened by any responsibilities in that role to run around stating her opinion on things,

but gay marriage and abortion are two topics that, im sorry, arent things that you should really sit on your hands about when youre in even a symbolic position.

because to me, sitting on your hands about things that youre passionate about is lying.

and baby i will never lie to you about important things. which means although you may not like what i say about certain topics, i love you enough to put our relationship in jeopardy in order to express the ugly truths. because to me, thats when important change happens and our love for each other solidifies.

to me thats what being an American is about, and certainly what being a child of God is about.

with that said, for some reason i still like Mrs. Bush even though i disagree with pretty much all of her life choices. but i dont think i will be reading her book because i cant say i completely trust her or her public personae.

im still trying to figure out what that means exactly.

but im definately an obese man stuck inside a soon-to-be obese body.

and if i wasnt single and living in hollywood that would be perfectly ok with me.

yes canada, its unfair that men can be 100 pounds overweight and it isnt as big of a deal as a woman being in the same boat. not a lot i can do about that.

likewise theres not a lot i can do about driving all the way across town and into the hood when my bottomless pit of a belly wants all the soul food i can bring back to my bachelor pad.

i suppose i could run a few miles around hollywood after indulging in smothered chicken, stuffing, sweet potatoes, cornbread and greens, all covered in gravy.

but jogging and drinking grape soda is a bad idea.

cuz you end up spilling.

on los angeles:

You come here and the odds are overwhelmingly against you, but you do it anyway. And you know what? I really think that—and I’ve said this before—but I think that LA forces you to become the person you really are. I don’t think LA is a place where you’re allowed to reinvent yourself. It absolutely isn’t. There’s an isolating quality to a life lived out here. I don’t care how many friends you have. I don’t care if you have a relationship. Whatever. It’s just an isolating city. You’re alone a lot. And I think it forces you to become the person you really are. It doesn’t allow you to hide. I think New York is a much easier place to kind of reinvent yourself. In LA, over time, the real person you are ultimately comes out, or else people can’t deal with that and they flee before it happens. But we were talking about meeting people who come out here to make it…

on how the his newest book, a sequel to less than zero, is already owned by a movie studio

Vice: And now Imperial Bedrooms already has an IMDb page.
BEE: Yeah, I don’t know why.

Vice: Did the film rights sell at the same time as the book deal?
BEE: No. The film rights revert to Twentieth Century Fox because I’m using characters that they own.

Vice: Really? Wow.
BEE: It’s like, if I write a sequel to American Psycho, Lion’s Gate owns Patrick Bateman. That’s kind of the deal with the devil that you make if you sell film rights to your books.

id say read the whole thing, but do so at yr own risk as there are many spoilers in this bad boy

shes 25.

girls are supposed to teach you stuff. thats their role. especially when youre 14 and you dont know anything and somehow they know evvvverything.

but the best thing mary taught me was a lesson i didnt know she taught me until i was much older.

she taught me that if you are going to have a girlfriend, make sure its with someone you can talk with.

mary lived one mile from me. but in those days one mile was different than one mile is today. same with the dollar. same with a million dollars.

in those days if you wanted a great house you had to pay $100,000. likewise if you lived a mile away it meant you never saw the girl.

so we talked on the phone. a lot.

for the first year i couldnt even believe that she wanted to talk to me. lord knows when i became that insecure, but to me she was the prettiest, coolest girl in the world. no way would she really be interested in talking with me, i thought. but she did. several times a day.

at first i would write little notes with subjects on them so there would never be any dead air. i didnt want to give her a reason to hang up. i found out later that she was nervous that id be bored of her. ha!

i also lied alot. id make up all these things about myself that were so not true. id teller i was in a band. id teller i was an undercover superhero tasked with flying a helicopter around LA. id teller anything i could just to hear her voice.

years went on and we’d go to the movies once in a blue moon, but even though we lived just a mile a way, to actually drive to her house was like a 5 mile trip because there hadnt yet been a road yet to connect us. so we had to rely on our parents to drive us to see each other. since we were both the oldest kids, we were stuck on the phone every night.

it was a fine lesson and taught me how to actually have a conversation bereft of content. i mean seriously, what did we have to talk about? two kids in different suburban illinois high schools who never got in trouble, never did anything, and only had 3 tv channels to watch? what was there to say?

eventually i got the courage to “make my move” and making out happened and suddenly i had lots to say. just not to her. how could i tell her about all the new feelings inside?

that had to wait till the summer.

when she moved.

to california.

they buy why you do it

what apple, martin luther king, and the wright brothers have in common

the twist of this fascinating Ted video is the answer is in Biology

not Psychology.

<3 smartpeople