im lucky enough to totally get bob dylan. i say lucky cuz i know a lot of people who arent. which is funny because those people are very likely to totally get burns or blake or eliot even.

a pretty girl drove me to frys electronics in burbank. she was all something shadys going on in here and i was all i know shhh. we were shopping for computer monitors because mine is about to blow out.

as some of you know, i live in ken laynes old hollywood bachelor pad, yes the genius behind sploid. right off the living room there’s a walk in closet of sorts that ken used for his laptop to write some of the best things you ever saw in the online journalism review,

but the space that i currently house my monitor that ken used for his laptop is spacious, therefore this newfangled plasma screen jobs are useless for me

and the biggest oldschool CRT monitors that frys had in stock were 19″ jobbers for $200.

but i had just been on ebay and recalled Sony 24″ professional monitors for $300-$400, wouldnt it be worth a little more for something top of the line?

all my years selling electronics has taught me that if you can get from bottom of the line to top of the line in two hundred bucks for something that youre using every damn day then you should go for it.

and i left frys electronics emptyhanded

for the first time i think in my entire life.

thats like going to costco for the buck hotdog.

its two fifty five and im listening to boots of spanish leather on bob dylans birthday and im not the slightest bit sleepy.

and the only thing i have to do tomorrow i think i can pull off, two things really

first i have to send karisa my resume because any time you get a second chance to work with karisa you should probably take it.

even though im going to have to buy whole new clothes

and grow up a little

and the second thing is to see tsar play live in downey,

and secret buddy who sent me the new tsar cd via the elusive magic of the internets

thank you thank you thank you

my favorite dylan song + the hottest girl in panama just became a stewardess + siri baby

today

Tyler Cowen has an interesting post about “blogging burnout” that the instapundit linked today which i whole-heartedly agree with.

so many people think they’re these great writers, or they aspire to be great writers, or they think theyre intellectual, or they think they know something about politics, sex, sport, music, or debate, and when it comes time to rock the mic day after day they fall flat on their face.

some complain that they dont want to “give it away for free” on the web but those people are making excuses for even whores come home and have real sex after they clock out. so f the lying liars who are probably procrastinating pros when they do get paid to steal my ideas.

the interenet and the web and blogging is ideal for the real writer and the real reader. i would argue that the real writer is also a great reader, and theres nothing better to read than the web, so i would partially disagree with mr. cowen when he writes that blogging cuts into his time reading, because i assume he is saying it cuts into his book-reading time, which i would argue is being replaced with web-reading, which is also reading. but what do i know.

heres one reason i will probably never experience blogger burnout.

cuz i know that there are no rules on the web other than dont be dull.

which means you can type things like this:

i am in the best fucking mood right now and its only eight fifty eight am on sunday morning.

7. The “Master Bloggers,” whoever you think those may be, are strange in the first place. mr. cowen writes. and i would tend to agree. although i dont get enough hits to consider myself a master blogger, i admit to being strange in the first place. and prolific is just a polite way to say obsessive in the same way reclusive is a nice way to say shut-in, the same way eccentric is just a spin on saying rich ‘n’ crazy. although no one ever calls james brown, mike tyson, or michael jackson eccentric so maybe it doesnt apply if youre black (or were black).

heres when you will experience “blogger burnout”:

1. when your internal dialogue gets hijacked by your concerns about what your readers will think.
2. when you are afraid to write down what you are truly thinking about at that moment.
3. when you believe the lie that some people just arent capable of good writing.
4. when you believe the lie that there is a certain way that you “should” write anything.
5. when you get more involved in punctuation, spelling, or aestetics than saying what you want to say.
6. when you get caught up in traffic, hits, popularity, readers, and/or fame.
7. when you believe the lie that what you think doesnt matter.
8. when you believe the lie that what youre about to say has been said before and/or written down better.
9. when you forget that most ideas can be expressed in less than 15 minutes.
10. when you dont set aside a little bit of time each day to update your blog.

if your blog feels more like a “have to” instead of a “get to” youre writing about the wrong things.

perhaps the only thing going through your mind is the hottie at work who you want to bang, but you fucked up and you told this person about your blog, and therefore you are experiencing writers block because you cant think of anything else to say or think about.

its at this time that you should thank blogger.com for allowing unlimited amounts of free blogs.

i suggest that you set up a new blog called www.iwannabonethisonehottie.blogspot.com and get it off your chest.

and dont be suprised that once you get it all out over there, then you will return to your original blog re-focused and ready to rock, and lo and behold not only are you cured of the lie that is blogger burnout, but just the opposite, now you have two rockin blogs, and the newer one is probably better, cuz its more honest.

first a-list ever + smith + no relation to sk smith, far as i know

Tony,

If you’re saying the Sox don’t have heart, well, I’m afraid you just haven’t seen them play this year…it’s been one gut wrenching victory after another, and often predicated on stellar pitching, crazy baserunning and spectacular D.

And if you haven’t been to US Cellular since it was called Comiskey, you may be quite surprised. They removed the top 8 rows in the upper deck, and put a bit of roof on, which makes feel much more homey, homey, and the fan deck in centerfield is a pretty sweet place to be.

I was at Wrigley Friday afternoon, first time in a couple years…you can’t tell me Sox knuckleheads are any worse than Cub knuckleheads…and besides the beautiful field, and many great seats, thay place is becoming a bit of a pisshole, if you ask me.

Buerhle, Garcia, Contreras, Garland & El Duque…the wins are coming…

– smith

for the record i havent been at a cubs game in wrigley for a long long time. far too long.

but you dont have to tell me that there are losers and degenerates and drunks and fuckups and hillbillies and fratboys at ten sixty west addison, they were rightfully called bleacher

bums.

those are my people.

just because the yuppies have adopted the northsiders and driven the price of a bleacher seat to $20 a pop shouldnt cloud your reality of real cub fans.

i was lucky enough to be in the chicagoland area in 1983, the last year the sox were truly good, and all the fence sitters rushed over to the sox and i sat in the bleachers in wrigley in 83 and 84 and i saw the real cub fans

and we piss in the fucking sink.

there were many places for an underaged kid to drink beer in chicago, but the easiest at that time were the fabled bleachers of wrigley field where tickets were three bucks and a sixteen ounce old style was two.

the cubs are loveable

wrigley from a blimp is loveable

real cub fans were the first to throw visiting home run balls back. hard.

outside of the xbi i havent gotten in a fist fight, like a real fight since high school but if i ran across steve bartman, i think it would be my responsibility to beat his ass a little bit, and im a pacifist deep down, and a Christian.

if ever there was a time to forgive someone it would be steve bartman but fuck that, every time i see that replay and think about how he sat there for the whole game without crying without pleading forgiveness from those around him, for not self destructing right there out of shame, and for now for not writing a book saying god im the biggest loser of all time, he needs his ass kicked.

what was the question again?

Well, I for one am not betting the farm on the Sox. But I sure as hell wouldn’t bet on the Cubs. My point was this–the marketing for the Cubs fills the seats and allows them to field less than perfect teams and still make tons of cash. Since they have no owner who has personally put his balls on the line, all they care about is the bottom line–and I don’t mean wins either.

As for Steib–I remember that dude too.

– Rob W

yes i know you were trying to give credit to the marketing dept but the cubs have always had great attendence with or without marketing.

you have the most lovable team and the most beautiful shrine to baseball in the worlds greatest sports town.

marketing is doing its best to ruin the good things its got. why are there ads behind the plate? trib corp owns the team the paper the radio station and the tv station, they dont need that stupid ad. its that shit that takes away from wrigley.

as do the lights

as do the extra scoreboards everywhere, and the new seats.

stop it already.

i swear to god if i was ever the one in charge i would take down those lights and donate them to little leagues and the seats in the bleachers would go back to three dollars

and just like in those days heres how youd get them, youd show up and youd pay the man and hed give you what looked like a little raffle ticket, like what a girl scout would give you, like what they give people at fairs and if you get twenty you can get a pen with a feather on the end of it.

adn youd walk up the ramps

and youd be in the greatest place of all time.

and youd take off your shirt and pay the man for a beer which hed pour right in front of you.

thats not a tough product to sell.

the marketing department blew it with sammy, and they’ll figure out a way to blow it with this team too.

but let me say again what a joy it is not to have to listen to steve stone and chip caray ruin my chicago cub experience on wgn.

it’s like someone removed a splintery two by four from my rectum.

i knew i hated them, but having them gone makes me realize how much i seriously loathed them. yes, loathed!

fuck.

flagrant needs a travel buddy. fine, i’ll do it + koganuts + wonkette

hey Tony,

So whats up with the pics of girls? I mean, they’re great and all, but Miss El Salvador doesn’t look anything like the Salvadorians at the Pupusaria and Miss Denmark isn’t even blonde!!! Are these really genuine? It’s important. We really gotta know.

– Jerry

hi jerry,

yes all of these women are actually representing the countries on their sash. and they all will be seen in the miss universe pageant which i think happens the day after memorial day – or the day after – or something.

but yes theyre all genuine and i guess the fact that they dont all look like the stereotype is a good thing cuz the world is far more diverse than most of us realize.

but i agree with you, miss denmark looks polish.

Better luck next year, Tony.

– RobW

bonjour rob,

my hat’s off to the southside, especially jerry manuel who’ve taken an untalented group and as youve said, convinced them the importance of playing as a team.

it’s helped, of course that Dustin Hermanson has filled in nicely in the role as the closer, and Scotty Podesnick is reminding people about the importance of speed,

but the Sox have no heart. they’ll wither before the school season re-opens.

and their stadium blows.

no the Cubs arent sucking right now because of Trib Corp who have never put butts in the seat at Wrigley. the Cubs are having problems because they got rid of Sammy and Alou and didnt fully replace them.

yes Jeremy Burnitz has been a pleasant suprise, not just with his bat but with his glove (i watch every game), but you cant replace 80 dingers with one Burnitz.

and we havent had a closer all year. Dempster is trying but ask yoda trying isnt going to win you any fucking world series.

the Cubs are struggling because of injuries and a shit bullpen. and possibly because Dusty Baker isnt the genius that he has always been touted as being.

hi tony,

Steroids are of course no problem.
Brian

hey Brian,

I did hear brenley joke. i thought it was pretty funny.

i believe he said Spelunking.

may i say it’s a fucking Joy to turn on WGN and not have to hear the nasaly whine of Steve Stone or the hot-hits FM bullshit phoniness from Chip Caray whose grandfather, i have it on good authority, denies him.

i dont think Zam is on the juice, i think he has a problem blogging and/or playing Goldminer too much.

Hey Tony,

The Unsomnambulist

Yes I do.

Good seats too.

Perhaps we should arrange some sort of meet-up if there are other busblog readers who will be in attendence?

Tony,

my buddy played a few rounds of golf with Dave Stieb, former Blue Jays pitcher in the 80’s. complete pothead now, complete pothead then. if that doesn’t prove 99% of them ain’t potheads (though pitchers prefer speed) nothing does. my spaceship’s gonna have a full-court gym and lots of wiggers and mark cuban.
joe

hola joe,

I remember Dave Steib very well. what a weird name to have stuck in my memory.

but who isnt a pothead these days?

I, too,

– Joe

I’m just writing to my audience bro.

black people dont even mention white people unless theres a camera on us.

jk

thanks for your support!!!

probably not + joe + brian + offline adventures + iron mouth

first lets discuss the item in yesterdays paper:

Not-OK computer: Cubs tell Zambrano to cut back on use

(AP) May 22 Cubs right-hander Carlos Zambrano has been told to cut back on his computer time because the hours he’s spending typing could be contributing to his elbow problems.

Zambrano said he had been logging about four hours a day communicating via e-mail with his brother.

“I have to spend one hour and take it easy,” Zambrano said.

Zambrano looked fine Saturday, allowing just one hit in seven innings against the White Sox.

“It’s not carpal tunnel, but if you don’t watch it, who knows what it can lead to? We are trying to alleviate it,” Cubs manger Dusty Baker said.

The Cubs were told after Zambrano had to leave his May 14 start against Washington early with a sore elbow that was the result of a non-pitching condition and activity. So they also told Zambrano to lighten up on his batting practice.

“I feel completely healthy,” Zambrano said.

perhaps you dont understand whats happening in the world of sports right now.

the nba playoffs? fuck the nba playoffs. why do i care about a bunch of pot smoking wannabe gangstas and wiggas with thyroid issues driving down the lane when the lakers arent involved?

football? fuck football.

hockey? soccer? any of those other ultra gay sports that have no relevance in the big picture and will be forgotten before the spaceship ever takes us home.

theres only one sport in the world and its called getting the cubs into the world series and then winning it.

you arent fucking typing any four hours long to your brother carlos zambrano. i know what youre doing, and its not editing the closed captioning of t&a shows or scheduling production rooms or knocking out one of the most overrated blogs in showbiz.

and i dont care what youre doing on your laptop. all i know is its getting in the way of the only important sport, and the job that pays you millions and millions.

im unemployed carlos zambrano. if i worked for a historic ballclub who hadnt tasted the ultimate of successes since 1908

and if i had the chance to help them get there and they were paying me millions

and if the entire city if not the world would be better off if i threw my laptop out of the fucking window and just worked on how i could be the best pitcher i would be, guess what, id cancel my aol in espanol like you oughtta be doing el pronto.

are all baseball players completely insane?

if my application to michael jackson for the job of yelling wtf any time he shares a bed with a young boy comes back unaccepted im going to apply to be your personal typist mr carlos zambrano because unlike you i am completely committed to having the cubs win the world series before i leave this toilet earth.

i will learn spanish if i have to, or any time your brother emails you i will look up the spanish translation of call carlos on his phone fool and email him back for you.

the cubs visit los angeles one week from today for a three game series with the dodgers

gorilla mask links to regular girls peeing outside + christie + ciavarro + accordion guy

In Canada, the celebration of Victoria Day occurs every year on Monday, prior to May 25th. It is the official celebration in Canada of the birthdays of Queen Victoria and Queen Elizabeth II.

Victoria Day was established as a holiday in Canada West (Now Ontario) in 1845, and became a national holiday in 1901. Before Victoria Day became a national Holiday, people had celebrated Empire Day, beginning in the 1890s as Victoria approached her Diamond jubilee in 1897.

In 1977 Commonwealth Day was moved to the second Monday in March, but Canadians continued to celebrate Victoria Day in May. In Canada, this holiday and Canada Day are celebrated with fireworks, though Victoria day is a decidedly lower-key event. Monarchist groups often use Victoria Day as a day of celebration, but to the majority of Canadians the day is simply a holiday off from work, with little specific meaning.

This is the first of the summer long weekends in Canada, and is known colloquially as “May two-four weekend”. The phrase has two meanings, the first, of course, is the fact that it usually falls around May 24, and secondly, those who celebrate will often get together to drink beer (a two-four is a case of 24 bottles of beer.) Note that the holiday may be referred to as “May two-four” even if it falls as early as May 18.

Victoria, queen of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland and empress of India was born on 24 May 1819. She ascended the throne after the death of her uncle George IV in 1837 when she was only 18. She ruled until her death in 1901 when her son Edward the VII became king of England.

After Confederation, the Queen’s birthday was celebrated every year on May 24 unless that date was a Sunday, in which case a proclamation was issued providing for the celebration on May 25.

After the death of Queen Victoria in 1901, an Act was passed by the Parliament of Canada establishing a legal holiday on May 24 in each year (or May 25 if May 24 fell on a Sunday) under the name Victoria Day.

Princess Victoria of Saxe-Coburg, was born in Kensington Palace in London on May 24th, 1819, the daughter of Prince Edward, Duke of Kent, a son of King George III.

Due to the fact that the King was insane, George, the older brother of Edward served as the country’s regent. The Prince Regent and his estranged wife had just one child, Princess Charlotte of Wales. After Charlotte’s death in 1817, the people began to worry about the royal succession. Although the king had twelve living children, none of them had offspring who were eligible to inherit the throne.

After pressure from the Parliament and the public, Edward married the German princess, Victoire of Saxe-Coburg, age 31. On May 24, 1819 the Duchess of Kent gave birth to a daughter. She was christened Alexandrina Victoria.

She ascended the throne upon the death of William IV. Barely eighteen, she refused any further influence from her domineering mother and ruled in her own stead. Popular respect for the Crown was at low point at her coronation, but the modest and straightforward young Queen won the hearts of her subjects. She wished to be informed of political matters, although she had no direct input in policy decisions.

The Reform Act of 1832 had set the standard of legislative authority residing in the House of Lords, with executive authority resting within a cabinet formed of members of the House of Commons; the monarch was essentially removed from the loop. She respected and worked well with Lord Melbourne, Prime Minister in the early years of her reign, and England grew both socially and economically.

Victoria’s long reign witnessed an evolution in English politics and the expansion of the British Empire, which included Canada, Australia, India, New Zealand, and large parts of Africa, as well as political and social reforms on the continent.

France had known two dynasties and embraced Republicanism, Spain had seen three monarchs and both Italy and Germany had united their separate principalities into national coalitions. Even in her dotage, she maintained a youthful energy and optimism that infected the English population as a whole.

Immediately after becoming queen, Victoria began regular meetings with William Lamb, 2nd Viscount Melbourne, the British prime minister at the time. The two grew very close, and Melbourne taught Victoria how the British government worked on a day-to-day basis.

In her later years, she almost became the symbol of the British Empire. Both the Golden (1887) and the Diamond (1897) Jubilees, held to celebrate the 50th and 60th anniversaries of the queen’s accession, were marked with great displays and public ceremonies. On both occasions, Colonial Conferences attended by the Prime Ministers of the self-governing colonies were held.

Despite her advanced age, Victoria continued her duties to the end – including an official visit to Dublin in 1900. The Boer War in South Africa overshadowed the end of her reign. As in the Crimean War nearly half a century earlier, Victoria reviewed her troops and visited hospitals; she remained undaunted by British reverses during the campaign: ‘We are not interested in the possibilities of defeat; they do not exist.’

Victoria died at Osborne House on the Isle of Wight, on 22 January 1901 after a reign which lasted almost 64 years, the longest in British history. She was buried at Windsor beside Prince Albert, in the Frogmore Royal Mausoleum, which she had built for their final resting place. Above the Mausoleum door are inscribed Victoria’s words: ‘farewell best beloved, here at last I shall rest with thee, with thee in Christ I shall rise again’.

British Empire, name given to United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and the former dominions, colonies, and other territories throughout the world that owed allegiance to the British Crown from the late 1500s to the middle of the 20th century. At its height in the early 1900s, the British Empire included over 20 percent of the world’s land area and more than 400 million people.

via inglewood care centre + paige + matthew good + jenny good + fil

she doesnt. not only a virgin but a vegan. a virgan. a vegin. she puts no meat in her mouth america. none. i was lucky to get my tounge in there. she had a cute spaghetti strap shirt on that said i eat nothing with a face and i argued that i dont have much of a face any more, just bored expressions. she had mercy on me. now, how that got her to spend the night is beyond me but we slept tangled like dna strands but my blue balls have never been so blue. but i report to you from the front that a sleepover date with a vegin is better than no date at all. and even though my fantasy baseball reliever just gave up a two run homer in the bottom of the ninth i have a stupid smile and reason to believe.

the day started off right when i finally opened my week’s mail around noon after breakfast. there was an expense check that i had forgotten that i had submitted, there was a book from a very nice forgeiner who asked to remain anonymous but swedish princesses deserve their privacy so there you go baby, and then i got a small package from one of my favorite people who sent me the new white stripes cd get behind me satan and the new frank black cd honeycomb.

ive gotta open my mail more often.

sadly i saw an invoice from my dentist. and im 60 days past due! for some reason i thought they were tapping into my credit card each month. i told them that it was cool to do that since i didnt know when i was gonna be back there, but i guess there were some extra charges or something? whatev, hes got a good place there so the checks in the mail doc.

three stamps i must get tomorrow morning.

did as much as i could with a virgan after breakfast and she pulled out this stinky green bud that i was all whoah baby whered a pretty little girl like you get something as crazy as that? it was dark green with crazy little purple hairs and shades of yellow near its core which sparkled in the morning light.

people like to give me things she giggled and dug through her bag for a pipe and pulled out this shiny silver lipstick thing that turned into a smoking device. she packed it, swiped the lighter next to the candle and offered me the first hit but i passed since i thinking im going to probably get drug tested at this company i applied for. office depot doesnt accept druggies i told her.

instead i licked her cute little perky nipple and said thats how you get high off life baby and my head sunk down due to gravity i swear and entered a sweet darkness that no man has ever reached and i was there for a milisecond as she was distracted with her paraphenalia and had no free hands to defend her bunker and i searched for a whiff of innocence but thats the funny thing about aromas, sometimes pot smoking angels have none

not even when they pass out on the couch before the sixth inning in front of the cubs sox game on the big screen

a game the cubs would barely win thanks to the complete game effort of mr mark prior who probably doesnt smell like chicken soup which is my aroma currently as its hot in this bungalow at two twenty six on may twenty second i have no ac no ceiling fan no nothing except a scientificly adjusted assortment of windows and doors some of which are open to allow in the shade-cooled air to enter, and some which are closed to stop the bright sun-warmed air to come in.

but even though its warm she sleeps beneath a mexican blanket not at all knowing that pizza pie has been delivered with her favorite toppings and even though mine has double, obviously, her half has no cheese.

sploid + marty + kitty bukkake + gmask has the deleted team america xxx puppet scene

yesterday

have i told you that the people on the bus can be rude? have i told you that life isnt fair?

have i told you that work is hell sometimes like on hot days up in a whirlybird when all you want to do is take off your shoes and walk on the beach for even 15 minutes.

i want to take off my shirt and lay in the sun and listen to floyd zep doors dead santana janes pixies angus malcom, me and the ladies went to rock n roll thai the other night and first they put in pixies doolittle then they put in porno for pyros and i couldnt have picked two better cds or ten better dishes that we munched to.

i want to borrow somebodys golden retriever and somebody elses frisbee and somebody elses girlfriend and somebody elses convertible and i want to drive everyone to zuma where i belong today.

have i told you ive had the most wonderful life?

do you know i have the bestest friends and the nicest inbox.

when im up here chasing criminals and listenening to all the drama in my earpiece the best way for me to protect my soul is to remember that this thing could collapse any minute and the next minute i will be a splat on the 405 only to be cooked by the firey explosion and rush hour traffic.

so i think about the nice things, like spider rings and candy necklaces on girls with experience.

the devil messes with my hairline and my dumb face and my kidneys and my confidence but the angels send a parade of miracles my way every damn day.

cubs are still in first place.

cubs will stay in first place.

this guy we’re staking out doesnt know there are twenty xbi agents listening to his every word.

he keeps singing living la vida loca to himself.

one of our guys is calling him gay, but our info says hes not gay. now the debate is whether or not its gay to be humming or singing or whistling ricky martin.

now one of our sharpshooters, a woman, is asking us why we men are so concerned if someone is gay or not.

now i cant get that stupid song out of my head.

now im singing it in my microphone.

now lots of people are singing it in their microphones!

now im laughing.

fast fiction + shane nickerson + coop + treacher

for the Gorilla Mask Death Pool 2005 are in, and as Mr. T predicted “pain” in Rocky II, i predict “death” for the following gentlemen.

yes, this year my list comprises only men including two sitting presidentes.

at the top of the list is the supreme court justice, who everyone knows is gonna eat it,

next is the religious leader who will meet his maker

then michael moore’s best friend who was close to the edit two movies ago

and then we have michael douglas’s dad whose one handed pushups will be missed

then comes americas oldest teenager who michael moore exposed in roger & me

fish is the man that most people have thought has been dead for years, but no, not until this year i predict will he sleep with the fishes

i get nervous when i get a new mole on my head, jerry lewis has an entire head on his mole, and will die

i would love to visit cuba before fidel exuents, but im not thinking im going to get that trip

gerald ford will die, i predict, and people will come out of the woodwork to say nice things about him, even though i dont remember anything ever nice being said about him

and finally our dear leader was a faulty hand grenade away from tapping out, but not even hell wants dubya.. yet.

here is my list

1. William Rehnquist
2. Billy Graham
3. Charlton Heston
4. Kirk Douglas
5. Dick Clark
6. Abe Vigoda
7. Jerry Lewis
8. Fidel Castro
9. Gerald Ford
10. George W. Bush

go to Gorilla Mask to make your list, and feel free to put your pics here in my comments so we can compare and contrast.

break a leg!

hola estonia + bonjour australia + viva estonia + aloha norway

was woken at noonthirty by ms karisa j who wanted to know if i was interested in working at her company. i said would it mean that i get to see you every day and she said yes so i said yes but i have learned to ask for incredibly difficult terms.

one, karisa must pick me up and drive me home each day, two i must never be asked to wear a suit and if i must for each day that i am asked to wear a suit i need to have a day off the very next day to recover, the same way some baseball players wont play a day game right after a night game, far too taxing on the knees.

and i must be allowed to change my name to his excellency.

and i would like a very heavy stapler.

people ask why i endured what i had to go through in my last job and now that i have a little distance from it i see that one of the reasons was i had a very good solid deceptively heavy stapler. it gave me hope. it gave me security. it allowed me to staple like a man and it didnt ask questions afterwards. it was ugly and mean and would never be misunderstood as a sissy. john woo wanted to order an electric stapler cuz it would have been funny to have one, but i wouldnta ever used it.

all those years my mans man of staplers never jammed. and i did some stapling.

believe it or not, true story, but once someone even judged my stapling. i was all what!

i know. crazy.

people watch tv all day long and little do they know that behind the scenes people are criticising the way a man staples. i believe the issue at hand was vertical as opposed to my trademarked diagonal, which im certain became the industry standard years ago.

speaking of the dark ages, ive turned my apartment upside down so i can find a stamp. another reason i loved e! was there is a secret tiny us post office in the lobby of the building across the courtyard. rarely a line, always friendly service, and one of the big reasons why my last blook was so successful. if i ever needed to ship a book out pronto i just swiveled to a drawer of books, signed it, printed out the pay pal USPS prepaid priorty mail label and walked across the courtyard to the post office.

and if i ever needed a stamp, there they were.

the hollywood bungalow that i write you from this friday afternoon is near no post offices. and now i realize i need two stamps.

yes, this will be the toughest challenge that i meet today

since the internal debate between sandals and sneakers has been decided since i cant find my pumas.

did i tell you that a beautiful girl from virgina is comeing to my house very soon?

yep.

did i tell you i bought the juliette lewis and the licks cd yesterday after star wars.

yep.

did i tell you that someone from blogebrity contacted me adn they are actually a real thing?

yep.

im not sure i want to work at the beach. in the summer. even with karisa. how crazy is that.

these virgins are sucking the sense right out of my head arent they.

raymi + zulieka still lookin hot + super jux + the grey havens