and im drunk and its late so why not ripoff pay tribute to the fact that heather, who im proud to call an aquaintence got to be funny outside of the walls of salon and the rabbit blog.

below are the questions that they asked her, followed by my answers. and here are her answers.

1. Age and Occupation:

111, loser

2. How long have you lived in Los Angeles, and what neighborhood do you live in?

I moved to santa monica from illinios in 84, went to college in santa barbara, moved to atwater for a few years, moved to frisco for 4 years, then moved back to west la and westwood and then three years ago i moved to hollywood.

3. Where are you from?

hangover park, il

4. Is writing during your breaks at work best suited to your style?

it helps me sit still for fifteen minutes. otherwise im constant motion.

5. Since your job requires watching endless hours of crimefighting, what do you do to relax after a typical workday?

nerd out on yahoo fantasy basketball stats.

6. What purpose does writing the busblog serve for you?

everyone should have some sort of creative outlet. and if it can get you laid, then right on.

7. Living in Los Angeles means that you must come into frequent contact with people who work in television. If you socialize with TV writers and other professionals, is there any concern about potential conflict of interest issues? If so, how do you avoid them?

they still have tv writers?

8. Television and film commentators sometimes harbor aspirations to generate pop culture rather than exclusively critique it. Are you ever tempted to go to the “other side”?

one day i will create the new Forbidden Dance and hold pop culture in the palm of my hand. on that day the feeling shouldnt be temptation it should be guilt-free.

9. What’s your preferred mode of transportation?

karisas passenger seat.

10. How often do you ride the MTA subway or light rail?

twice a day.

11. What’s your favorite movie or TV show that’s based in LA?

the brady bunch

12. Other than “Lost,” are there any other new shows this season you think highly of, or don’t think highly of but enjoy?

family bonds, nanny 911, best week ever. i’ll miss bill mahers show.

13. Any thoughts on the Election Day broadcasts? Which network did you stay tuned to?

i have a two tuner tivo so i had one on fox and one on cbs. fuck the right, dan rather is a classic. and that fact that he knows hes under scrutiny and yet he still partied with calling the election is something you will never see from brian williams or any of the other sellouts like brit hume ever again. the age of anchors with a shred of personality are long gone. abecrombie and fratboy all growed up is where the future of network news is headed and thats why allah invented the internet.

i was invited to heathers but i didnt want to cry in front of everyone.

14. Did you think the “Hollywood community” made a difference in the election, or did its efforts only serve to expand the divide between Middle America and the supposed “liberal elite”?

if by the hollywood community you mean tim robbins and susan sarrandon, they cant even get people to go to the movies, and theyre movie actors. so i didnt think that theyd be all that effective in getting people to the polls.

middle america loves hollywood and the fact that they didnt do what celebrities asked them to do isnt middle america saying fuck you shuttup, its middle america politely making up its own mind.

15. Other than regular doses of the “Daily Show,” what other pop culture sources will help us make it through the next frightening four years?

i plan on learning about wines. im an adult now. i should really figure it all out. ive pretty much mastered all the other spirits.

16. It’s 9:30 pm on a Thursday. Where are you coming from and where are you going?

ive probably just started dinner and am downloading porn.

17. What is the “center” of LA to you?

amoeba records.

18. If you could live in any neighborhood or specific house in LA, where/ which would you choose?

malibu on pch right past the palisades.

19. What is the city’s greatest secret?

its diversity. i kissed like five girls last month. only one was white. love that.

20. Drinking, driving. They mix poorly, and yet they’re inexorably linked. How do you handle this conflict?

we live in the richest country in the world. if youre gonna spend $50 on drinks all night, spend $12 on a cab home. or the bus is just $1.25. one of the benefits of living in hollywood is either you can walk home from a bar or take a two minute busride.

21. Describe your best LA dining experience.

danielle and i took a long lunch, picked up palms thai, ate it at my house. it was a hot day and it was just so nice to not be at work for a few minutes.

we sang in the car on the ride back.

22. Do you find the threat of earthquakes preferable to the threat of hurricanes and long winters?

earthquakes are quick, easy, and then over. some of them are even cute like a hiccup from a sleeping child.

aint no cute hurricanes.

and fuck any temperature that doesnt start with a 7 or higher.

23. Where do you want to be when the Big One hits?

same place i wanna be under any circumstance, isla vista.

democracy of one + sean bonner hating on american airlines + zulieka + steve smith

will become the Time Person of the Year.

if thats the case then i will hang up my keyboard.

bloggers and blogging have taken a small step for mankind this year but they aren’t worthy of any such accolade.

sure a few right wing blogs made some trouble for dan rather, but given a few days real journalists would have made him aware of his misinformation.

if anything the rightwing bloggers should get some sort of award for walking around like Nothing went wrong in the Bush whitehouse these last four years, but it shouldn’t be person of the year.

sad truth of the matter is that neither bloggers or michael moore or even osama bin ladin (two far better noms for the Time award) changed the results of the election this month. bush won all the same states that he won last time and the dems won all the same ones that they won last time.

sorry but if im in charge of giving out awards i dont hand them out to people who made no difference.

if i was running Time there would be only one person that i would give the award to: Theo Epstein, boywonder and General Manager of the Boston Red Sox

who was able to recover from bungling the A-Rod for Nomah trade and not only win the world series without either star but beat the yankees in classic form.

yes the Red Sox winning their first world series in 86 years and reversing the curse can be trumped by no one.

not even those of us who tap tap tap in the darkness in our pajamas.

maybe next year.

the grey video + darling maggot + steve r

it all started when colin powell resigned. he was the first black u.s. secretary of state, the most senior cabinet member.

powell was also this country’s best diplomat. respected for his military background but loved for his rational moderate positions on touchy subjects, powell was often at odds with the president and vice president.

when he wasnt towing the company line of fear/terror/wmd (“The gravity of this moment is matched by the gravity of the threat that Iraq’s weapons of mass destruction pose to the world“) he was speaking his mind truthfully.

perhaps you remember when he was asked on an MTV interview about his opinion about the Catholic Church’s stance against condom use:

“I respect the views of the Holy Father and the Catholic Church, but in my judgment, condoms are a way to prevent infection, and therefore I not only support their use, I encourage their use among people who are sexually active and need to protect themselves.”

or maybe you recall when powell told the washington post that he did not know whether he would have recommended the iraq invasion if he knew that there were no wmds.

“I don’t know, because it was the stockpile that presented the final little piece that made it more of a real and present danger and threat to the region and to the world,” he said. “(the) absence of a stockpile changes the political calculus; it changes the answer you get.”

and how could you forget when he told the president about the you-break-it you-own-it “pottery barn rule” regarding what will happen if he was wrong about invading iraq?

“You are going to be the proud owner of 25 million people,” Mr. Powell is said to have told Mr. Bush in the summer of 2002, the nyt reported. “You will own all their hopes, aspirations and problems. You’ll own it all.”

powell wasnt always the clear-thinking humanitarian, more than a decade ago before the gulf war, he was joint cheif of staff and sent a letter to saddam that he quoted in his book my american journey

‘Only conventional weapons will be used in strict accordance with the Geneva Convention and commonly accepted rules of warfare. If you, however, use chemical or biological weapons in violation of Treaty obligations, we will destroy your merchant fleet, destroy your port facilities, destroy your highway system, destroy your oil facilities, destroy your airline infrastructure.’ I saved the worst for last… If we were driven to it, I wrote, ‘we would destroy the dams on the Tigris and Euphrates rivers and flood Baghdad, with horrendous consequences.’

and then he proceeded to oversee the bombing of the iraqi water supply (allegedly) and the highway of death where thousands of retreating surrendering iraqi troops on their way out of kuwait were massacred.

maybe it was that experience and the time that he lied about the iran/contra coverup that kept him wincing during every faulty move within our current war which has been filled with human rights abuses, lies, coverups, and failure.

and maybe thats why he’s tapping out now. while he still has a little dignity left. somehow.

the story of colin powell and this last chapter – his turbulent relationship with george w. bush – further adds to the ever-growing list of burned bridges and missed opportunities of this failed administration.

which is exactly why the instapundit pretty much blew it off yesterday within his 32 posts.

none of which mentioned that three other cabinet members resigned yesterday adding the fallout to 6 of 16 cabinet members quitting before having to endure a second term with bush.

other posts included —

clinton bashing: 1

lawrence welk: 1

tom brokaw being booed at an oklahoma football game: 1

moveon.org’s “deceptive name”: 1

unscam: 2

nyt: 3

garrison keiller’s joke about deny voting rights to born-again Christians: 1 with 4 updates

condi rice: 2 with 5 updates

colin powell: 2 with 2 updates (six sentences in total).

ive often said that you can learn more about how republicans feel about the news by what glenn doesnt write about than what he does.

what glenn is saying is that these resignations and the resignations at the cia are a total embarrassment to the administration

similar to rats escaping a sinking ship.

martin shram once once wrote: “Three years ago, The General rode into Foggy Bottom on a white horse. Today he’s riding a weasel.”

looks like bush is on his way to another gloomy inauguration

wrote a peice today for ESPN.com where he talks about the Colts and the elections.

here is an excerpt:

“The Summer is over

the harvest is in,

and we are not saved.”

— Jeremiah 8:20

Well, the election is over now, and I was pitifully wrong on my public prediction about the outcome. George W. Bush won handily; and my friend, John Kerry, lost by three percentage points — which was every bit as big in a vicious presidential election as it was on the football field last night when the low-riding Indianapolis Colts kicked a last-second field goal to beat Minnesota 31-28…

I am no stranger to the anguish of losing a presidential campaign, and this very narrow loss with John Kerry is no exception. It hurt, as always, but it didn’t hurt as much as that horrible beating we took with George McGovern in 1972. That was by 22 points, the worst defeat in any presidential campaign since George Washington ran for a second term in 1787.

And the winner that year was a conquering hero named Richard Nixon, who got whacked out of office two years later because he was a crook. We had a very angry Democratic majority in the Senate that year, which is not the case now.

No. Today, the Panzer-like Bush machine controls all three branches of our federal government, the first time that has happened since Calvin Coolidge was in the White House. And that makes it just about impossible to mount any kind of Congressional investigation of a firmly-entrenched president like George Bush.

The time has come to get deeply into Football. It is the only thing we have left that ain’t fixed. And more on that next week.

today it appears that either the panzer-like bush machine has finally fallen apart the same way the bluesmobile died at the end of the film.

but i agree with the doc, its time to get dirty with football.

i only wish that my teams werent playing over their heads and arent poised for implosion.

so my attentions slip into hoops where i was loving the fact that kobe got booed last night at the american music awards just a few miles away from staples center

cuz not only does he deserve to be booed for being the bitchpin that dismantled a strong team, but he should know that here in hollywood we have enough award-presenters, what we’re looking for is the next michael jordan

and if youre not it, driver 8, then take a break, we can reach our destination, but we’re still a ways away.

h/t bicycle mark + paul davidson + fimoculous

it lets you “back up” your iPod to a computer. yes, even your PC computer.

this is especially useful if youre sending your iPod in for repairs.

or if you’d like to play your iPod music at your work computer.

or in your helicopter.

apparently it was mentioned in the Wall Street Journal.

well now it’s being mentioned in the busblog, so it’s reached the big time.

CopyPod is shareware, meaning that it’s free for the first two weeks and if you like it it’s $9.50.

let me know if you have used it, just started using it, are thinking about using it. cuz this is the answer for those of us who need such a bit of software and dont have a Mac.

flagrant + raymi + radical georgia moderate + colin quilts

for putting up with all these reruns as i compile my new blook.

tonight will be my last night blowing off family and friends as i put together this nightmare. i truly despise going back in time. very little pleasure in looking under old boulders to see whats under there.

this might be the last blook i make by myself. yes i had help last year from sepi but i still had to read what she picked and it was a chore. what i need next time is someone to collect them, edit them, arrange them and send them over to cafepress so that i dont even have to think about it.

and when that blook comes out i bet you i wont read it.

tonight i have to do the graphic for the cover and for the spine. it should take about 1 minute because there will be no pictures for the cover or the spine. keeping it real with the j.d. salinger no pictures rule.

after some soul searching we’re back up to 200 pages. mostly 2003 posts. around five political peices. id say its a funny collection. psychedelic. spell-checked. totally ready to get picked up by a serious publisher after the new year rings in, if one exists.

on friday i was pitched a job idea. the dude said that he would try to get me an interview this week. it’s for a magazine. one that i already subscribe to and love. my job would not be to write but to edit, which thrills me. id also be doing a little bit of recruiting, trying to get good writers to submit.

submit i will tell them. submit!

i think i can do that.

so after tonight i can get back to my real life. i can call my old kindegarten – high school best friend who hunted me down last week. i can call zulieka unstrung who has moved to hollywood. and i can go back to letting my hands and arms rest from the carpal.

went grocery shopping with one sexy chick last night.

i will never stop loving her.

jarvis catches the fcc in one of those exaggerations + colin powell quits + kitty bukkake

i coulda won a lowered chevy citation, but you wont hear me complaining. born on a pontoon boat off frisco, i first met karisa at the dairy queen in mundelion. she worked the drive thru. she kicked ass at dipping your cone into the chocolate sauce and getting it hard real fast.

certified genius and future farmer of america karisa is the oldest of nine girls each born two years apart from the next.

her youngest sister is ten.

when i first saw her i have to admit, i thought, i could make a ton of money off that shit. but i was lazy and illprepared. she has a photogentic memory, the liver of a bear, the nerve of a backyard possum, and the strength of a nasty fart. but shes quick on her feet and knows eight languages so i keep her around in case i need verification that someone called me an asshole in mandarin.

people ask all the time and since im now married i can tell the truth and admit that yes ive kissed karisa three times.

the first time was the night that the patriots were handed that snowy playoff game at foxburough. i had 50 bucks on the raiders and i was forced to pay up but i didnt have the money so they made me kiss karisa who had been eating philly cheesesteaks with extra onions throughout the fourth quarter. this was during the time that she was smoking a pack of marlboro reds a day. more when she was drinking. right before she puckered up someone handed her a toasty warm slice of garlic bread. truth is more pungent than fiction.

after the count reached ten she removed her tounge from my mouth and a tear rolled down my face and they said dont cry the raiders will come back next year but it was the onions. onions always make me cry. i spit a tiny one at the tv and dabbed at my face with a viva.

you know that shit was a fumble.

afterward she kissed my cheek and whispered that the raiders just sucked and i needed to deal with it. and then she threw me into pool.

the final time we kissed was in a cab ride coming home from marc browns house after the zwan show on four twenty of last year. we were drunk off our ass cuz the mc had just tossed a rager and she and i drained every bottle of champagne in the house and i had done some damage on the captain morgans singlehandedly.

we were sliding around the backseat of the cab as he screeched around the corners of hollywood driving as fast as humanly possible and on the long stretch up vermont into the griffth park hills of her hideaway we realized that we’d known each other all these years and we hadnt really kissed. ever. not real ones at least.

neither of us wanted to do it. what if it ruined our perfect friendship. what if it came to the surface during an xbi mindreading. what if she, like all the others, fell in love with me and could no longer be trusted or counted on as a peer.

and before we could talk ourselves out of it our dude took a quick turn and we slid into each others arms and went for it.

and if i wasnt so fucked up that night perhaps i could tell you if it was any good.

which is maybe why i dont drink any more.

and maybe why karisa is always trying to get me wasted.

happy birthday rock idol home improver beastie girler do it yourselfer off road driver ms pacman loser.

maybe one day you’ll shed your shyness learn how to hold your booze and let your hair down.

until then i promise to keep photoshopping your pics so you look halfway hot.

happy birthday karisa, thanks for hanging in there with me

is how she always leaves out something nice for me to wear that evening because she knows that i only call her when someone is about to come over.

but the cute part is how she always leaves behind a dress for anna.

she wants us to get back to gether.

i was up late last night and when we got home i went into the final editing of How To Blog.

bad idea.

i started ripping pages out. cutting posts in half. lighting certain chunks on fire.

its now just 87 pages.

so today im going to add things from 2004 to get it back to 150ish pages, but what ive seen from 2004 doesnt give me much hope.

my truest is coming over this morning. we’re going to go food shopping and maybe take in a film.

she got her hair did last night in venice and her hairdresser talked to her for hours because thats what its like.

once we sat in bed for an entire weekend talking.

werent really sitting.

and some sleeping was involved.

went over to kfc friday after work and the woman who works there told me it would be a four minute wait for the popcorn chicken

so i leaned against the counter and talked to her about chicken.

i told her that i liked zancau but that it was too dry.

her name is liana, she is armenian.

she was all, oh, zancau is armenian, its much different style than kfc.

and then she told me that you cant build a new kfc within a seven mile radius of another kfc.

and i told her i didnt think that was a good idea.

cuz i dont always want to walk a mile to get some popcorn chicken and a bucket for the weekend.

and she said, but we would miss you if you went anywhere else.

and i would miss them.

bears should beat the titans today by a touchdown.

jozjozjoz + mark phelan + nay’s getting her braces off in five days

you bastards!

from MTV.com

Ol’ Dirty Bastard, a founding member of the Wu-Tang Clan, died of unknown causes on Saturday in New York, according to his spokesperson. He was 35, but would have turned 36 on Monday.

Sources close to the rapper (whose real name was Russell Tyrone Jones) said he had complained of chest pains earlier in the day, although no further details are available as of yet. ODB had been scheduled to perform with Wu-Tang at a concert in New Jersey on Friday night, but missed the show.

Another source reported that ODB arrived in the New York area on a flight from Denver at 10:30 p.m. Friday. He was at Wu-Tang’s studio, 36 Records LLC on West 34th Street in New York, when he collapsed at approximately 4:35 p.m. on Saturday (November 13). He was pronounced dead at 5:04 p.m., according to Ellen Borakove, a spokesperson for the city medical examiner’s office. She said that an autopsy will be conducted Sunday, and results should be known Sunday afternoon.

A statement was released Saturday evening by ODB’s mother, Cherry Jones. “This evening, I received a phone call that is every mother’s worst dream,” she said. “My son, Russell Jones, passed away. To the public, he was known as Ol’ Dirty Bastard, but to me, he was known as Rusty, the kindest, most generous soul on earth. I appreciate all the support and prayers that I have received. Russell was more than a rapper, he was a loving father, brother, uncle, and most of all, son.”

Damon Dash, who signed ODB to Roc-A-Fella Records last fall, also released a statement. “All of us in the Roc-A-Fella family are shocked and saddened by the sudden and tragic death or our brother and friend,” Dash said. “Russell inspired all of us with his spirit, wit and tremendous heart. He will be missed dearly, and our thoughts, prayers and deepest condolences go out to his wonderful family. The world has lost a great talent, but we mourn the loss of our friend.”

Dirty, easily the most eccentric of the nine Wu-Tang Clan rappers (if not in all of hip-hop), showed promise as a solo artist, but was hindered by a long series of clashes with the law, which ranged from shoplifting to making terrorist threats.

The rapper, who also went by several unusual aliases (including Osirus, Joe Bannanas [sic], Dirt McGirt, Dirt Dog, Unique Ason and Big Baby Jesus), was released from prison last year. He had served a two-year term for parole violation and drug charges.

After his release from prison and psychiatric care, ODB signed with the Roc and was recording as Dirt McGirt. Most recently, he collaborated with Macy Gray for the album.

After several years apart, Wu-Tang reunited this summer for a concert in California. A recording of the show, titled Disciples of the 36 Chambers: Chapter 1, was released in September.

+ + +

for some reason mtv left out the fact that Dirty was on Mariah Carey’s “Fantasy” where he delivers the unforgetable rhyme of

“me and mariah

go back like babies with pacifiers”

maybe it wasnt played on mtv enough?

or how about the time that mtv was interviewing him in a limo and he was explaining how he used to be on welfare and he still had his card on him, and he took them to the welfare office to show him that when you slid your card if you were eligible a receipt would print out allowing you to claim your check.

mtv left out the fact that when he slid his card it still worked, he got his welfare check and climbed back into the limo to continue the interview.

thats the ol dirty that we love.

we also compared his crimes to those of robert downey jr.’s many years back.

metafilter mourns + bored housewife + bastard family + gorilla mask