blook II.

some people have no problem going back at what they write and editing it and thinking about how smart they were way back when, but not me.

it is such a painful process you have no idea.

i know i talk about myself and my life in this, my journal, but i dont go back and read. i just write more. and hopefully in better ways.

before my vacation, which is now about to expire, i printed out the 150 pages that sepi so dilligently put together for me about 9 months ago. the plan was to go through each entry and give it a grade.

only the ones that got A- or better would get into this new book.

in a week i have probably read a total of 20 entries.

its so sad.

not because i hate them, i just hate ME. hate is a strong word. its just so dull. the past. all these stories about anna and ashley and the others. i see where i disguised the names of some of the ladies who ive never named and its just so

ugh.

what i need is the help of karisa j.

or someone. but hopefully her.

i need her help with this.

i want to put out this book before the world series so that chadly j chicken will get off my back.

but also because i seriously think that i could publish it somewheres.

no offense to the others who have written books about blogging, but

none of them have the busblog.

none.

and i hate myself.

old flame from long ago called me this morn to ask me if i wanted to go to church.

this was one of the wildest girls ive ever known.

when she invited me to church of all places i thought she was gonna tell me that she was a nun, cuz you know, sometimes people do that.

she said she just wanted some spirtuality in her life and i was all, why dont you come over and we’ll read from the bible.

she said if she came over we would never get to the bible

and i was all, im the luckiest man ever.

until she told me she was married.

to a man who barely touched her any more.

only a year and a half have they been together but their “schedules” didnt line up right since hes a commerical airline pilot and shes semifamous.

i was all, baby, even if i wanted to you wouldnt have let me say no to anything less than three times a day, whats up with your man?

she said, its just different tony, and only women say those things.

this is the woman who dared me to spank her hard.

bent over with the heels of her stillettos sparkling in the glow from her tv which was always on and why i really loved her.

i hit her as hard as i could and she said mmmmm do it again.

that girl.

she said tony we barely do it three times a week now.

how could all this sweet fruit just ripen and waste on the vine.

i know how, but how can these intellegent women just let it waste there, as if youth lasts forever. as if breaking is hard to do. as if the second you like someone you have to make them your boyfriend or husbland.

so we sighed on the phone and she asked me what i was up to and i said

procrastinating.

cuz i like to let my shit ripen and mildew in the shadows of the fruit tree too.

and now tomorrow i have to go to fucking work like the tool ive become.

and this post definately would not have gotten even a B.

blair in nyc + bukkake in boston + flagrant is somewhere but i never know where

the rnc convention protest on cspan all morning

#1 chant: fox news sucks

funniest chant: four. more. months!

yahoo pictures + buzznet pictures

we’re going to malibu to eat shrimp. im watching slacker on trio and thinking about the last craig kilborn show that i just rewateched on tivo.

kilborn was so in love with himself that it was painful to witness.

he was sel conscious that it would make you self conscious.

youd think, im not really that disgusting am i?

and how are you going to compete with conan, who is actually the best late night talk show host on tv. and the funniest. and the most creative.

and has the most edge.

why fox hasnt spent the money to get conan and put him on after the news

like a real network

is beyond me. we’re going to neptunes net where the bikers are on the weekends.

surfers during the week. i had a root canal yesterday, the last day of my vacation.

it wasnt as bad as you’d think. and after i ran into an old girlfriend.

maybe youve heard of her. anna kournikova.

she agreed to walk with me to popeyes but she wouldnt hold my hand and she wouldnt let me put my arm around her.

tony, what if it gets out in the press?

i was all, you mean what if enrigay finds out.

if he broke up with me i would be shattered.

i ate the firecracker shrimp. a man in front of me had asked for free food as he had just gotten out of prison and had no money and had been thinking about popeyes when he was in there.

if i had even a quarter i would have given it to him.

you could see his plastic ID wrist bracelet from the twin towers of la county jail.

and his clear plastic bag of personal belongings.

i couldnt keep my eyes off of annas crotch area

or her breasts.

it was so ungentlemanly.

i couldnt because there i was so close to where i had been

and yet so far.

like putting dog food in the dog bowl two hours before you always do and tell your dogs no!

maybe later but not now.

we sat there and i tried to look at her devistating eyes but she wouldnt look at me.

and i said

there needs to be a day where you could have sex with any one you want,

and there would be no reprocussions.

free love day.

and she was all, there really should be.

and we walked back down the street to her limo and after awhile she said, ok you can touch me if you want.

and i said really?

and she nodded.

and i put my hand on her ass and

held it there for a second as we walked.

like old times.

bicycle mark + wisdom goof + wisdom goof’s latest photo essay!

“John Kerry said today he wants to debate President Bush once a month. Hey good luck, if Bush couldn’t make it to the National Guard once a month, he’s not going to show up for this.” —Jay Leno

“The Bush campaign for re-election has officially begun. They’re actually running television commercials. Have you seen any of the television commercials? In one of the commercials, you see George Bush for thirty seconds. In another commercial, you get to see George Bush for sixty seconds — kind of like his stint in the National Guard.” —David Letterman

“In Louisiana, President Bush met with over 15,000 National Guard troops. Here’s the weird part, nobody remembers seeing him there.” —Craig Kilborn

“The White House has finally found one guy that kinda remembers serving with President Bush in the National Guard. Now they just need to find someone who remembers Bush working on an economic plan. … I think the White House spent more money looking for this guy than finding weapons of mass destruction.” —Jay Leno

“The White House has now released military documents that they say prove George Bush met his requirements for the National Guard. Big deal, we’ve got documents that prove Al Gore won the election.” —Jay Leno

“There was an embarrassing moment in the White House earlier today. They were looking around while searching for George Bush’s military records. They actually found some old Al Gore ballots.” —David Letterman

“There’s this huge controversy over the fact that President Bush apparently received credit for National Guard service in Alabama in ’72 and ’73 even though his commanding officers are saying he never reported. I think what’s even more disturbing is that he received enough credits to graduate from Yale.” —Jay Leno

“Bush did have an explanation, he said he did go to Alabama but when he didn’t find weapons of mass destruction, he went back to Texas.” —Jay Leno

“As John Kerry sails toward the Democratic nomination, new questions are emerging about President Bush’s service in the National Guard, like where he was for six months in 1972 and why he refused to take a routine physical. President Bush has vowed to get to the bottom of this right after Election Day.” —Craig Kilborn

“President Bush stopped off at a bass pro fishing store to pick up a fishing reel, some line and some rubber worms. He’s going to disappear and go fishing. So he must think he’s back in the National Guard.” —Jay Leno

“Critics are now saying that his dad got him out of going to Vietnam. However, his dad did get him to go to Iraq.” —Jay Leno

“Ironically, the possibility that the president dodged his military service has increased his approval ratings with Democrats by 80 percent.” —Craig Kilborn

“President Bush is not fazed by other candidates’ war records. He said, I may have not fought in Vietnam, but I created one.” —Craig Kilborn

“The big story now is that President Bush is coming under attack for his service in the National Guard. The White House said, ‘no no,’ that they have payroll records to show that he served in the National Guard. But today, the commanding officers can’t remember seeing Bush between May and October of ’72. President Bush said, ‘Remember me? I’m the drunk guy. Remember me?'” —Jay Leno

“”They are having a panel look into the intelligence failures in Iraq. It is a seven person panel and it will include Senator John McCain, but the findings from this panel will not be issued until after the election. President Bush says the commission can go off and report back in a year, you know, the same way it works in the Texas National Guard.” —Bill Maher

lifted from metafilter + happy birthday prof. reynolds, say what you will, he dominates over you

in pure digital color

in the archives of the busblog

top four best quotes, posts, or lines gets a g-mail invite

click here for the busblog search page

if there are more poor people?

A. because you let them call it a recovery.

i got an comment from our pal Edward from the bambinos curse inquiring about the health of our new shortstop, nomar garciapara, my new best friend.

edward was under the impression that nomar’s wrist is bothering him so much that he might have to go on the DL for a few weeks.

the truth is not only is nomar’s wrist bothering him but his achilles is also sore.

red sox fans like ed (who runs the beautiful sox blog and writes for fox sports new england) had grown weary of garciaparas nagging injuries over the years.

and because the talented shortstop didnt have the greatest relationship with the ownership of the red sox, especially after they attempted to replace him with alex rodriguez, some sox fans believed that some of the injuries may have been exaggerated by the emotionally sensitive infielder.

this prompted cynical sox fans to raise an eyebrow when, after the allegedly injured nomar was traded to the cubs in a four team trade where the cubs had to give away their defensively stong young shortstop alex gonzalez and very little else, he didnt seem hurt at all.

not that the good people of new england would wish ill on their pride and joy, but “wtf” probably went through more than a few minds when nomar neatly compiled a .333 batting average in his first 17 games with the cubs with three home runs, 11 RBI and two stolen bases.

the red sox, you probably know, once traded babe ruth.

and then never won a world series again.

the team they traded him to, the new york yankees, after receiving “the babe” went on to become one of the most dominant and winning teams in all of professional sport.

so sox fans, as you can imagine, get a little a nervous when they trade away their former #1 draft choice, rookie of the year, five time all star, two time batting champ who only four years ago hit .372 (unheard of from right-handed hitter).

they breathed a sigh of relief this week when nomar missed the three games in a row.

not that they wish anything bad to their suffering brothers in chicago, they just were hit with a cold slap of reality when nomars replacement (the defensively minded orlando cabrera) went a paltry 9 for 54 at the plate.

in the last ten games not only has cabrera racked up 18 hits in the last 10 games, but he’s proving to be a dynamite #2 hitter in front of manny ramirez and david ortiz.

mixed with the dark joy of seeing nomar mia for the cubs for three games straight, the messages from the east coast were inevitable.

well, thank you for your concern. nomar returned to the cub lineup on tuesday, he got his first hit on wednesday, and here in the top of the sixth he’s gone 2 for 3 with a ribbie and a run scored.

the cubs by the way are on a four game winning streak, mark prior is currenly pitching and winning 7-2 over the astros thanks in part to back to back homers from sammy and aramis ramirez.

we hope to see you in the world series.

by you, i mean the red sox.

the idea of nomar going up against the team that he loves and hates, in the world series playing for the cubs, a team that nobody could possibly hate, would be drama that would make shakespeare jealous.

especially if the sox had to beat the yankees to get there.

third deck + mona lisa smile + doc searls

remind me not to arrange for three dentist appointments spread out over three days of vacation next time.

in fact remind me to go somewhere exotic with a girl in a pink bikini like italy or memphis or somewhere interesting.

she gassed me, took some long needles and shot me up, and then went at it with a jackhammer. shes quite good. i never feel a thing.

afterwards i just started walking through beverly hills and west hollywood.

made it all the way to the fabulous sunset strip and still kept walking.

walked into the virgin megastore which is funny because i never thought i would ever allow myself to buy anything from a megastore of anything other than if there was really truly a place called xXxmeGAStorexXx and i got the new benny hill dvd.

fucking love benny hill.

people think it was bukowski that got me into poetry. well before bukowski i was into poetry but during a very important period of my life, my early teens, they started broadcasting benny hill on the public broadcasting station in chicago.

wttw channel eleven. they showed us benny, dave allen, monty python, dr. who, and “image union”, most of those on sunday nights. prime time for anyone procrastinating homework.

limericks arent easy but benny hill was the master at them.

after i do a few things around the house, expect a review of the triple dvd edition that i just picked up for $40 out the door.

yes miss montreal called me psychicaly as i walked near her home even though she has a boyfriend youd think she would be thinking about instead of me. who hasnt gotten any since anna kornikova flew home to russia for a summer visit.

yes ashley will be on the front of my web site again very soon.

yes the cubs swept the brewers and now prepare to do the same to the houston astros who come hobbling into wrigley field.

yes i can get used to this sit at home most of the day in cut off pajama bottoms drinking beer and listening to weezer covers with all the lights off at three am ignoring the booty call ringing on my cell because somethings are way more trouble than theyre worth.

yes ken layne has returned just in time for the landslide.

yes, the president is afraid of a one armed no legged man.

Subj: Anthony — How can you say such things?

Hi Tony — got my work done so I thought I’d drop you a line. I like your blog but I think your comment about the Bible not saying anything about extramarital sex was unfortunate.

But first I have a real problem with that photo of the volleyball player’s butt. My problem is that I know of no guy who thinks skinny women like that are attractive. Nearly all men agree that women should have curves that are soft and squeezable. How it came to be that women decided to have butts like mens’ is a terrible thing — and it probably suppresses our birthrate too. Thank God for illegal immigration or we’d be in decline.

So you are a fallen-away Catholic. I think I know why. The culture of the Church these past 30 years has offered very little spiritual nourishment. I remember back in the 70s during ccd, all we did was color. Perhaps your experience was as lame. They didn’t teach us anything about the faith at all. There are many theories but all discipline was lost after the council and the priesthood largely became the home of homosexual dilettantes. Mass became a spectacle of bad music and hand shaking. Ex-Catholics litter the land. We can agree on most of this, yes?

I’m the only Catholic left in my family. I left first but came back when I was 25 and got confirmed and all. I can put up a pretty reasonable defense of the faith if you are interested. If not, OK. We have a robust Latin Mass community here in Sacramento. Standing room only always and the average age is like 5 — mostly because of the large families, but also because there are a lot of 20-somethings going to the Latin Mass these days.

In fact, it is the best place to meet a wife, hands down. They are hot, they are virginal, and all they want to do is find a good man to take care of and have kids. If you want to meet people who aren’t hung up about sex, you have to include Trad Catholics because they do it for real, the way God intended.

Back to the main point — your statement that extra-marital sex is not prohibited by the decalogue is hilarious and you know it. But more importantly, you say the Bible doesn’t say this, doesn’t say that etc. Tell me this: where in the Bible does it say that the Bible itself if the sole rule of faith? Indeed, there was no new testament for nearly four centuries after Christ. What pray-tell did all the Christians do without it? I’ll answer — they were guided by one rule of faith, the Church’s. The Church put the good book together, and there is no other argument for saying that the Bible is holy except for the fact the Catholic Church says so.

Therefore, they are petty damn well qualified for saying what it means.

What say you?

I like your blog. Take care.

Eric

hi eric,

glad you like the blog.

theres not one word in the bible that denounces pre marital hetero sex between two non-married people.

no laws, no suggestions, no stories, no tales, no asides, no nothing.

if a church wants to make up their beliefs about it, like how they made up crap about cardinals, bishops, confession & all the other things that go against the new testament Christian teachings of the only way to the father is through the son then they can.

and if people wanna follow it then good for them. i just wish they would stop using the Bible as their main text and start publishing the Catholic Rulez and stack those bad boys in the pews, because there is very little in the old or new testament that explains what the Catholic church is all about, which is probably why they kept the bible in latin for so long and turned their backs to the flock.

the Bible was pretty clear at the end of the text warning against such disobediances as adding to the words of the good book.

in the Bible the Lord describes Himself as the alpha and the omega, which to me says He is the first and last word of everything, including how things should be done on Earth, but definately how things should look like in church. Never was there a mention of celibate priests, or popes acting as middlemen for God.

one of the main tenants that seperates Christians from pagans is the lack of idols, lack of pokemen, lack of individualized mini-gods that one should pray to for specific needs/wants.

everything is supposed to go through Jesus, the Messiah. everything.

but Catholics fuck that up with Saints, they fuck it up with the Pope and confession, and this bizarre idea of replacing or supplimenting the gospel ties right into the history of this church who’s sole purpose, it seems, is to wrestle power away from Above and put it into the hands of men who will change its rules based on the politics of the day.

you want stories about politics and church drama and the ways of men interfering with spirituality? the bible has tons of those. (though none about pre-marital sex… interesting)

meanwhile, there seems to be enough guidelines, and rules, and stories in the Bible to live our lives by (that we still have problems living up to) that we dont need Man to throw in their two cents.

If I wanted to believe in a lower power then I would obey the ideas of man, particularly old school polish/italians who want to make up their own rules that are not based in scripture but based in their own interpretations of dozens of things.

Instead I want to believe in a higher power, which is why I obey the word of the Lord, thus the Bible.

And that is why I no longer call myself a Catholic: not because i was bored in CCD but because I actually read the Book.

thanks for writing,

Tony

in search of utopia + tech law advisor + makeout city

i think, in part to notify me that there are currently no pictures of her on my blog, on the blog header, or on the main page.

with buzznet going through some understandable growing pains as they relaunch and their redesigned system, i offer you the picture to the right from our danielle archives.

and now to the mailbag

Hey Tony.

I am publishing a book of my poems and selling them through the blog.

I was wondering if you could impart any wisdom about the self-publishing process, since you’ve put out, what, two Blooks now?

Kinkos n’ mail ’em out myself? Cafe Press? I don’t mind putting in a lot of work if it means the price to the reader is lower.

Any experiences you’ve had would be awesomely helpful.

Thanks.

– DC Pierson

dear dc,

i have self published five books of poems and one blook. they are both very different things to make.

the easiest form of selfpublishing are poetry chapbooks.

alot of my poems are pretty short, so i was able to take an 8.5″ x 11″ standard peice of paper, fold it, and get two poems per page going.

that means if you have 30 good poems you’d only need about 22 pages to put together a nice little chap book. once you have all the pages printed out and copied, you staple it in the middle with two staples, fold them and mail em out.

total cost about $1 a chapbook.

Blook was harder because each one was 125 pages, so i went to a copy store and had them bind it with that crappy plastic binding that made it look like a college reader.

total cost about $9.

i will be coming out with a new blook hopefully soon.

i plan on doing it through Cafe Press because it will make something that not only actually looks like a real book, but they will collect the money and deal with the shipping and everything.

even though i sold about 150 Blooks within about 4 weeks, i made very little if any profit and it was a royal pain.

cafe press is a reputable company that has already given me one commission check from my lame ass merch store that i set up with them, it seems reasonable to think that i could write something, put it in .PDF, email it to them and have people buy it through the blog.

we’ll see.

good luck on your book!

tp

sk smith + danielle + mc brown