i wanted a new video game for my playstation two.

i had seen via ebay that midway video game company of chicago illinois had released a collection of classic games and put them onto one ps2 disc.

here are Some of the games on midway arcade treasures:

defender, paperboy, gauntlet, spy hunter, rampage, 720, toobin, robotron, spy hunter, rampage, tapper, super sprint, and marble madness.

$20. new.

sadly once i got this home i learned a painful lesson: just because they can pod games over to Playstation 2 doesnt mean that the game play or control is anything like the coin-op original.

sad.

joust is pretty similar.

all the graphics look the same, but it pretty much sucks.

toobin isnt bad.

the truest and i took in sunday brunch at Foxy’s in glendale.

i had a non-deep fried monte cristo, the lady had the eggs benedict.

it was a beautiful afternoon.

then she dropped me off, drove off, and i played ps2 and chilled on my couch as the rain washed away all that is ugly and retarded in the world.

and tonight i will take the beautiful layouts of raspil, and the wise words of the ladies of the web, and update Lick.

i went to splinky’s site and was so upset that she had taken down her post from last night that when a telemarketer called me today i angrilly told him never to call me again.

treacher + just another blog + victor

so why am i not surprised that he is against gay marriages?

how could you be against gay marriages in 2004?

being gay isnt illegal, so why shouldn’t gays get to promise that they’ll remain true to their love?

wtf america.

i thought we were brave.

i thought we were the smartest country in the world.

america.

see where bush snuck an appeals court justice in there while congress was in recess.

fuckhead just cheats and cheats and cheats. and ive got to give it up to the factor for calling bullshit on the president over iraq. at least not everyones a tool on tv.

howard sterns no tool which is why it will be interesting to see what hes got to say when he retuns from his recess on monday.

not only did stuttering john leave the stern show to be jay lenos announcer

but the president of viacom mel karmazin wants all the 180 infinity stations that viacom owns to ixnay on the sexay radio bits, reminding them of viacoms “zero tolerance” policy, the ny post reports.

“If you don’t comply, you’ll be fired for cause,” karmazin was reported as saying the Post. “This company won’t be a poster child for indecency.”

it appears that in the wake of janet jackson viacom and some of the other major broadcasters dont want to feel the wrath of fcc cheif michael powells inevitable bitchslap. some ones going to get it and noone thinks that an expensive fine for saying the “wrong” thing is worth the publicity that it would also incur.

karmazin and powell arent americans. they dont know the first thing about the first amendment. the fcc is so inconsistant as to who they fine and for what reasons that its a joke. as if saying tit or fuck on the radio is any less obscene than getting on tv and saying that iraq had weapons of mass destruction.

regardless, howard should be on fire on monday.

xero 79 + goobita + bob mould

we lost a bid on william hung.

i was all, make him a porn star.

they were all, you wanna make everyone a porn star.

i was like, his name is hung!

they were like sooooo?

i was all, and he runs around singing “she bangs!”

one girl was all, tony, quit talking.

i said, dudes love to see non-handsome dudes have sex with beautiful women.

another girl put her hand over her ears.

i continued: the first video could be called He Bangs.

a third girl sighed. probably cuz she agreed secretly.

then, i said, his next film could be called “i have no professional training.”

the first girl scoffed and said, “film?”

i looked at her and said in my most serious manner

william hung very well could be the most important male adult star since ron jeremy.

her jaw dropped.

as always.

a dude chimed in with, ron jeremy has a huge sausage.

i said, exactly! which is why mr. hung would be a more compelling.

instead we went for the william hung line of school backpacks.

they made me pitch it

as always

but it was obvious that my heart wasnt into it

and thats why i ended up in the temple till nine oclock last night.

playing that tetris ripoff game.

alone.

coyote has a gay marriage photo essay

alot of people cry there. all the crying is bound to make you cry so i suggest avoid loitering unless you can concentrate. like me.

most people use the chapel as a place to show emotion since its not recommended on the job.

i like it cuz its dark and has little alcoves you can hide out in.

sorta like a sanctuary.

a lot of people die in the xbi, we just dont talk about it much.

so one thing they did is say that everyone can add one or two things to the chapel to make themselves more comfortable.

so they can pray right.

and focus.

i had a tetris clone coin-op put in there. i keep the sound turned off.

every month they put a different game in there.

last month they had lode runner.

it really does free my mind up a little bit.

some people sleep in there.

some people never go in there.

sometimes i think some people are just seeing what everyone else is doing

but the good news is everythings confidential and everyone honors that.

and thats why the best part about the xbi hq is the chapel.

i was so stressed out today if the right person offered me a cigarette i woulda smoked it.

did you know that papa johns doesnt have their cinnamon pie any more

and dominos doesnt have cinnamon dots anymore

they have cheese dots.

dumb.

tom dog + j. banks + zep + bathrub girl

raymi drops her hat all day. and her shirt. and her accent. and her cover.

if i had some knowledge id drop it on your ass right now. listen to the donnas. listen to the darkness. listen to punk rock. even the worst punk rock, which theres plenty of, dont be fooled, is way better than this bad hip hop that i see the world splooge themselves over.

justin isnt that cute, cant dance that great, and damn well cant sing all that much. but he doesnt look thuggy like jah rule and thats why he gets paid by the man and deludged with grammys(!) like his name was declain mcmanus or some shit. so listen to punk cuz it wont ever let you down. or girl groups or eighties metal bands in two thousand and four.

dave grohls probot isnt gonna steal your money and pretend its anything other than aggression that they figured out how to bottle. thank god for grohl. he knew that foo fighter shit was shit. he knew he couldnt sell out his whole adult life. he knew he couldnt just ride the coattails of the others much longer. he knew what was missing and whats missing is punk rock and metal and lemmy tell you one more thing.

fuck this motherfucking fucker fuck.

some ho is wondering how i became a “blog god” or “blog king” or some shit and im not sure if she was saying that negatively or in awe so lets pretend the worst since she doesnt really kiss my ass in the statement.

i did it on the backs of my ancestors.

all the motherfuckers who write in bathroom walls. and draw on underpasses. all the rejects and dipwads who piss their names in the snow.

blogosphere is just one huge snowdrift baby and ive dranken a lot of diet dr pepper and rum.

miss montreal wants to see me tonight but i have a date with a pretty girl. theyre both pretty. pretty doesnt matter much to me any more. pretty is in the garter of the beholder. i look in the mirror and you dont see me snapping pics cuz i dont see nothin there worth taking pics of and i cant believe all the people asking me about my hair or lack there of but they do. lord do they ever. they love it. and i love them.

fucking lovefest over here baby which is why people like this shit.

and cuz i update like a fiend.

a strungout fiend who thinks hes gonna die any minute so he has to type every drop till its out.

raymi

how do i know? because every fucking tv newscast has devoted at least 3 reporters, a copter, a meteorologist, and an analyst to tell us its raining.

its the winter.

its supposed to rain in LA in the winter.

dan kern wrote a song about it in oh i dont know, 1988?

its called LA Winter Rain.

but these news stations are so crazed that youda thought the president got shot.

youd think that there was zero news going on in americas second largest city.

red blazer ho: lets go to Harry Butts in Pasadena …

hb: it’s raining here, ho.

a huge graphic flashes under him. it says StormWatch 4. hes got a blue raincoat on. its barely raining. but enough to cause maybe 75 crashes cuz all the new yorkers who moved out here forgot that you have to slow down when you drive 102349871234 mph on the freeways here.

fuck stormwatch 4.

chopperone is getting worked on in its hangar. i hate the rain. they all tell me that this is a good day to catch up on my reading or writing but i cant. im never stimulated by lack of work. i love to work. i may hate the job i have to do, but i love to work. half the fools in the xbi dont love to work and dont love the job. makes me sick. makes me want to put holes in their foul weather gear.

supposed to rain all week.

might have to get a big bottle of rum and take a swig every time some asswipe gets on the news and tells us that its raining outside.

did you know the grocery stores are still on strike out here? yep.

i left frisco cuz it was so soft. i left my true love, all my friends, my cash-only business where people would offer me electronics, porn, their teen daughters, everything, to move to LA cuz it was too soft up there. few dozen raindrops and LA loses its damn mind.

like someone told them j.lo got a new boyfriend or some shit.

brit coal + hear allisons purty voice + psychotic normalcy

tonight

banyan, 14 below

courtney love, roxy

jimmy smith, catalina

honeyboy edwards, cozys

joe & genuine, universal

the dan band, the avalon

saturday 2/21

ac/dshe, spaceland

30 seconds to mars, roxy

the walkmen, henry fonda

youth brigade, troubador

bollywood follies, key club

sunday 2/22

death by stereo, troubador

spazmatics, dragonfly

jimmy smith, catalina

peter himmelman, mccabes

mxpx & sugarcult, palladium

totaly 80s convention w/ richard blade, henry fonda

monday 2/23

TSAR, good hurt

jimmy smith, catalina

cassandra wilson, royce hall

dillinger escape plan, house of blues

tuesday 2/24

+/- , spaceland

neil young, shrine

marvin etzioni, echo

beau soleil, royce hall

michelle shocked, tangier

vonda shepard, troubador

thursday 2/26

KEN LAYNE & THE CORVIDS, king king

krs-one, malibu inn

liz phair, house of blues

star fuckers, cat club

dana + draw your boss + dogboy

i mention this because she has been kicking my ass since she was 15.

i think she has 3-4 different journals/blogs but the only one ive ever paid much attention to was her site at vacant.cc.

i like leah because she always seems a little too smart for her britches, she has her own style, and pretty much always keeps it positive. which is interesting because in her about section the native canadian writes this about where she now lives in texas:

My sister, Elana, is 21 and moved back to Canada after she graduated. She did not like it here and I do not blame her.

maybe its cuz elana didnt have a jon bon jovi boyfriend.

its not that leah hasnt had her struggles. the day after christmas this year she found out she had been fired at her place of employment.

then there was that time last year when she realized that you cant really sell a zine for a buck these days.

apologized.

and sold it for two bucks.

i like that she takes a lot of pictures and movies and isnt afraid to stay clothed.

it didnt seem that long ago that i interviewed leah for my website. this was a time before blogs, so maybe it was sorta long ago. anyway, after that, i put her in my “i will never be this cool section” in my links page, and she hasnt left it.

if she ever wrote anything for lick i would probably fall over.

since our interview many moons ago i think we’ve chatted maybe twice or three times. im very happy just being a loyal reader of hers and shes never let me down.

happy birthday leah vacant girl. one of the biggest rockstars on the internet.

vacant + zine #2 is on the market + livejournal

about three bad brothers you know so well. they started to change cub history, im talking the professor, mark prior and my man kerry.

one lonely cub fan i be. all by myself without nobody. california sun beating down on my baseball hat. the race is getting hot, my old style beer’s getting flat…

woke up this morning with a pretty girl asking if i could turn off the howard stern on the radio.

her eyes were closed and didnt see the smile on my face.

it was a permagrin.

ear to ear.

i was beaming.

yes, she and i had superstar porno love the night before. yes, i had bowled and liquored myself up pretty good. yes, i had full control of my mightysword. theres nothing like the feeling a man gets every blue moon when he realizes that he can floor it with no repercussions.

like speeding in the pitch black darkness of an empty desert highway with the clash’s know your rights blasting through the t-tops without any worry that the man isnt gonna flick on his party lights and join the parade.

wham wham wham

then

whapwhapwhap

then

BOOM

BOOM

bambambam

fuck the neighbors. fuck the lack of music or candles. fuck the bedsprings fuck the blinds getting kicked fuck the blankets getting twisted fuck gravity fuck the headboard getting destroyed fuck that this isnt sex saturday.

two ways to have girls fall in love with you

be rich

or do what i did last night.

this morning i wasnt smiling cuz of all that. that was luck. that had very little to do with me.

this morning i was smiling cuz i remembered that the cubs are going to win the world series this year, and after i hit the snooze button i drifted off knowing that somewhere in heaven harry caray was smiling too.

bring on the bosox

the lick blog + god’s lonely man + kitty bukkake has been knitting