by six Clear Channel radio stations, apparently because a caller asked ex-Paris Hilton beau, and sex-tape costar, Rick Salomon if he had performed oral sex on any famou black women or hispanic women.

the caller dropped the N-bomb instead of saying “black” and used a derrogatory term for hispanic.

then the caller asked salomon if it tasted like watermellon.

as offensive as the exchange might be, how is it Stern’s fault that the caller used racist language? especially when Stern immediately rephrased the question “have you ever banged a famous black woman or hispanic?”

stern’s last fine came 9 years ago. currently he wasnt in any trouble with the fcc, and im not aware of any time that a show was fined or dropped due to the comments of a caller.

in an entirely unrelated note, tuesday stern said that while on vacation he read Al Franken’s Lying Liars book and it made him believe that anyone who read that book would never vote for Bush again.

then he said that he will vote for anyone except bush.

somewhere theres an angry drunken dwarf rolling in his grave telling colin powell’s son, michael, the head of the fcc, to go and have sex with his mother.

yes you can have standards by which you chose to run your business. and you should. but if i got on rush limbaughs radio show today and asked him the very same thing that howard’s caller asked his guest, rush isnt going to be dropped from any markets.

conservative talk show hosts who lie and exaggerate and do drugs while being on the air is apparently decent.

taking a call on the air (which yesterday was heavilly monitored in the wake of the FCC warning stations that obscene broadcasting would be dealt with in a more strict manner) however is suddenly indecent and punishable by immediate termination. no warning. no pre-set written guideline. no nothing.

stern couldnt have had better luck yesterday.

now all ears will be on him.

his show will become increasingly more popular.

as jeff jarvis wrote yesterday he will probably soon be a star on satelite radio which is unrestricted by fcc rules.

and depending on which satelite radio system offers him a deal, he will be richer than ever before, and more powerful than any talk show host in history.

because if i was howard i wouldnt just ask for a few million dollars to broadcast his adult orientated show on sirious or xm radio, i would ask for a percentage of the company.

and with this sort of priceless and on-going free publicity, if i was one of those fledgling start-ups, i would give it to him.

f jackie.

entire 2/25 show here (BitTorrent required) + fark thread + metafilter thread

i know life cant be this hard for everyone. i know i dont deserve this or fucked up this bad that im paying for this. i dont know what im supposed to do. i dont know who im supposed to be. i dont know why these phones wont stop ringing. i cant stop the emails. i cant even take my 15 minute government mandated break. but im going to do it and im going to vent and i hope the rain comes and floods this fucker and i hope that im under all of it and i hope you never have to read anything like this again.

i hate this thing that im stuck in. i hate it. do you understand that four letter word. its true its real its black and white. im not sure if this situation im in is supposed to inspire me to do something else. but its not. im not sure what will inspire me to do something else. i dont know who im supposed to pretend to be in these moments.

i am a man who is dynomite under pressure but hours and hours of pressure become tiresome. especially when its ridiculous pressure. worthless pressure. dumbass pressure. pressure for no reason. if you have three women being held hostage in a torture chamber under a historic bar in hollywood and fifteen wackos who barely speak english strung out on a chrystal meth binge and far too much ammo and super huge guns then you will see me at my best. i can talk smoothly and clearly and funny and hot.

but put me in hours of bs ontop of bs with bs dripping from the ceilings and if after ive used my superhuman skillz and all that ends up is business as usual then i get extremely frustrated.

asteroids taught us in what, 1980 that the hyperspace button isnt always reliable. it is the last resort. you can die if you hit hyperspace even once. why do they want me to hit it 12, 13 times a day. why do they want me to fly hard and shoot as many things as possible. why wont they just let me sit in the middle and carefully aim and carefully shoot.

why wont they just let me die.

all i want is to be able to do what everyone in the world knows that i should be doing. which is write to you. all i want is to be someone who just sits around in his pajamas and drink rum and teach the children well. all i want is to have a cuban girl to talk dirty to and a hippie girl to flirt with and a college girl to dream about. all i want is everything and what i am with now is the epitome of nothing. its worse than nothing. its the swirling mass of dumbness that defines the black hole of nothingness. what i have is dumb. what i make is dumb. who i am is dumb. what i know is dumb.

today i got off the bus and walked the five blocks to the xbi hq and i saw a pack of people in their business suits. they were going to the ihop. they had their notepads. they had their white shirts and their ties. i looked at them and i said fucking sellouts. i looked at them and i said to myself that if i ever have kids and if i ever have a house i can tell those kids that daddy didnt sell out to get them their house. that integrity means something more than square-footage and that there are exceptions to every rule and their poppa was that exception and since they were mine then they too were the exception and selling out isnt what you have to do to get what you want.

and nobody in that pack looked smart and nobody in that pack was going to change the world and everyone in that pack looked like everything that i didnt want my life to look like and it was way more than looks. it was everything.

then i walked past a gym and i saw one guy leave there in half a business suit and i said sellout to myself. then i saw another guy in a dress shirt and dress pants and a briefcase and i said sellout to myself and i saw the guys who take a squeegie to the side of our marble building and i said you at least you work for a living and you can go home to your kids and say that you did bullshit but and then i stopped myself and i thought that if that guy was offered the briefcase businesssuit sellout white tie power breakfast listen to the boss talktalktalk opportunity he would drop his long squeegie immediately and buy those 6 kids a new minivan and hed be the happiest ex squeegieman in america.

the test is how low must i go till i tell the wrong people the wrong answer which is yes my fucking soul is yours. yes i will dress up like people tell us we’re supposed to dress up like and yes i will give you my love for a small sack of shekles.

and after the flood there will be mud. and i thank you for letting me vent.

katie + big dump truck + gorilla mask

but before we did we went to Zankou chicken. then we went to the drug store and picked up a twelver of pacifico.

as we were walking through the aisles karisa, who hasnt seen me in a while, said how young i look now that i have no afro.

i told her she was funny.

we got to the cashier and he asked to see my i.d.

karisa said, see.

i slid my atm card through the machine and the guy was still looking at my drivers license and he was doing the math and he said, i cant believe this.

i said, i cant believe it either.

i typed in my pin number and said, twenty dollars cash back please.

and he was still looking at my drivers license and then back at me.

he was all, how do you do it.

i said, drink beer, eat chicken, and hang out with the hottest girls in america.

i wasnt about to show him my passport. i had laundry to do and i really am 110 years old.

and what was he doing looking at me instead of karisa who looked a little better than i did, to say the least.

so we ate, drank our beers, watched most extreme elimination and did laundry.

i love karisa.

im always happy to hang with her.

even when she flashes me her belly to “prove” to me that shes getting fat.

making me spill my beer.

a mile away prince was playing a secret show for the press to announce his upcoming tour.

chas + darren + kevin holtsberry isnt afraid to say he’s against gay marriages

i will admit that yes, ive been spotted out and aboot with a certain canadian playboy bunny.

often you hear me say how lucky i am.

i dont mean at the track.

havent been home in two days. im in my pajamas. ive just read some of the buzz machine, who i trust regarding politics. i dont know why. i just do.

in the mailbox today: the latest maxim magazine with eliza cuthrough whatever her name is hottie from old school and 24, my copy of The Five Biggest Lies Bush Told Us About Iraq by nexus alum chris scheer and his pa bob scheer, and a cd-rom of sexy pics of mindy formerly of 5ilver and now voxura, and a sweet postcard from italy.

going out: a nice package to mr chokey chicken and aaron from mist featuring my afro and some additional surprises because when people win your auctions they should always get a lil something extra. im thinking maybe some rookie basketball cards of some famous athletes.

plans for the night: laundry with karisa.

what the hells going on inthat picture? its tomdog’s kleenex dispenser

wearing: flannel shirt, pajama bottoms that says “sugar daddy” with pictures of the candy.

whats on the tv: shockingly nothing

whats on the radio: zip

whats in the iTunes: rare silence

current condition: still in shock about the raw talent of tsar as witnessed last night at the good hurt

probability that the cubs will win the world series: ridiculously high

cd to play while enjoying a nice hot shower: the darkness permission to land

now i only have 3 minutes.

all i want to say is george bush is being gay about this gay marriage thing. hes not even being gay cuz gays are opened minded. why would he want to shoot himself in the foot about this. did anyone ask his opinion? does he think he will get votes off this?

repubs who would be in favor of a ban on gay marriages are already on their knees to george w. and they’d stay there regardless if he kept quiet on this issue.

so all hes going to do is piss off the reagan democrats who might have switched over, but now theyre just going to think hes a royal dick.

isnt the party who is supposed to be interested in less government the Repubs?

why do they care so much who marries who? and if they are the self-appointed moral compass, wouldnt they rather that people marry each other as opposed to romping around eternally single and reckless and free?

gay marriages do nothing to this republic except proclaim to the world that the usa truly is the home of the free and the home of the brave. denouncing these marriages sends a loud signal to the world that we might be leaders in economics and military and technology, but we are centuries behind in social issues and quote unquote morality.

this president of ours, if we care about how we look, makes us look ridiculous.

he doesnt stop people who dont even know each other from getting married on tv during a prime time game show

and yet he’s going to stop people, some of whom have been together for most of their lives, from being recognized legally as a couple.

fuck you george bush and your tyrannical old school fucked up beliefs.

fuck you for throwing those ideas on people who didnt ask for your opinion.

fuck you for not representing the majority of america who dont care who the hell marries each other, and if they did they wouldnta made My Big Fat Obnoxious Wedding a bigger tv hit than the series finale of Sex in the City.

i am so happy that this came up this year and at this time because it will be the nail in the bush coffin.

and im stoked that nail will be pink.

splink + sk smith + wheres rupaul on this issue?

as recorded my stomach was giving me problems. most blame can be put on the pre-made Ralphs roast beef sandwich i ate for lunch. i worked late. super hot girl picked my ass up. i was still clutching my gut and releasing wind. she asked if she wanted to go to her condo and take a shower. i said no. she said what if we ask her landlord for some wacky tobbacky. i told her i didnt touch drugs. she said but if youre sick its medicinal. i really needed to go to this show cuz i had told so many people about it. so i let her take me there. i took the meds. i ate a piece of bread and we drove to culver city/venice.

half way there i was on top of the world. all was good in the hood.

the Good Hurt club looks like a clubhouse in Iowa. it feels like the party place on the good side of the tracks of flashdance. it doesnt have a full bar. it doesnt have captain morgans. it doesnt have a lot of things. it did have beer vodka and whiskey. and last night it had tsar.

the best band in the universe.

you know a band is great when their bass amp keeps unplugging and they still rock. they were also funny.

many of the kids i brought had never seen the worlds greatest band and i felt sorta embarrassed when i saw the club. and how empty it was. and how the opening singer, alligator dave, was a glorified david allen coe straight off the boardwalk. but everyone got it. everyone saw that this was a dynomite band no matter the circumstances.

tsars new songs were on fire. their old songs filled the blanks and their smoke machine reminded the kids that rock spelled upside down is tsar.

since my tummy was lined with pepto i drank many vodkas straight and downed several beers. and since i hadnt eaten, after the show me and hot babe drove to west hollywood’s ihop. she had the eggs and bacon and i had the chicken fried steak which came with mashed potatoes and broccoli, and blogosphere, i cleaned my damn stoned midnight post-club plate.

and then she took me back to her condo and molested me.

hard.

and in the morn she loaned me some boxer shorts and sox and today im here.

blogging

for your asses.

bing + bastard family + bastich

and a super hot chick is taking me. i worked late so i wouldnt have to worry about things. shes hot. even this other chick says shes hot. the other chick says she wants to do it with both of us and im all yeah i’ll believe it when i sees it.

some of the things i talk about in here are true. some arent. some are. this are. i are a lucky fucky. my belly is nervous. it might have been the regular coke i drank at lunch. i had to join the 3, 3:30, and 4 o’clock poopie club today so i want to say im not going to eat anything before the show but you have to have a few beers as the band plays.

also a hot chick from work will be there. and two of my bros and all my friends minus my truest who was a little under the weather today and couldnt work. minus karisa who never wanted to see this show for some reason i dont know why. i will hafta ask her tomorrow.

ok, the hot babe will be here any minute now so i will end this by saying to the ladies who read this page this:

i want you to write for Lick.

we have a good thing started over there.

we will continue to grow and improve on what we have.

i want you to write and tell me all your secrets.

i want you to write and tell us boys how we can liberate all of you from white male oppression, kool things.

i want you to tell us hwat we’re missing out on and how we can be better.

we all want to be better.

i want you to write and tell us what the real movies were last year that we shoulda seen and should rent.

i want you to tell us what things were like when you were happy.

i want you to tell us what things make you sad.

i want you to tell us about what life is like in your neck of the woods.

i want you to peel back the layer that protects you and flash us with something real.

not j.lo and jah rule real but really doe real.

i want you to write for me.

the way i write for you.

chica

i dont mind if you pack the court. just dont do it with racists. is that too much to ask?

and by racists, i mean judges who trim the time off of sentences to people convicted of CROSS BURNING.

other than hanging a man for being black, what more racist thing could you do to someone other than burn a cross on his yard for having a white girlfriend?

so what on earth would inspire a judge to say that another judge’s sentencing of 7 years is too long?

fucker burned a cross on a man’s lawn.

so thats the judge, charles pickering who stoked the racist criminal and shortened the sentence. now we have president george bush who appointed this guy to the appeals court.

what does it say about the president of the united states for sneaking this guy in?

and what does it say of his supporters?

during black history month.

we can disagree about taxes and the war and wmd and all this other bullshit that many of you seem to want to bury your head in the sand about.

we can pretend that bush didnt really have the biggest surplus this country ever had, and we can pretend that the largest deficit of all time is also a lie.

but wtf is this shit?

if youre going to pack the court, why cant it just be normal conservatives?

why does it have to be the worst fucking excuses of humanity?

racists, sexists and gay-haters?

to me this is deeper than politics. to me this is scary.

im cool with politics. im sorta cool with lots of you backing your bro regarding this war. i will give you that it is probably a better world without saddam. we will get our hundreds of billions back. those 500+ soldiers who died for your oil will go to heaven and have 1776 virgins.

but these judges are fucked up and i have a hard time even thinking that even conservatives want to align themselves with this shit.

but who knows.

you people suprise me all the damn time.

i will tell you this though. if i was a republican, i would look around and see if theres anyone else who could go against kerry cuz the guy you have right now didnt find osama, fucked the economy HARD, lied about wmd, bent over to halliburton, buried cia docs about 9/11 before and after 9/11, and is now packing courts with racists and gay haters.

i am seriously trying hard to find any redeeming qualities about this tard and not only am i having an extremely hard time doing it but now im questioning those who support him and his, dare i say, fascist actions.

no wonder nader is running. who in their right minds would vote for what might be the worst president this nation ever had?

how appealing + jack bog + ernie the attorney

still im not the happiest person in the world. ive been the happiest person in the world on many occasions. and the luckiest. right now im about the tenth luckiest. maybe the ninth. still im a normal person and sometimes i can forget how lucky i am and i allow myself to get sad about dumb things like the fact that will wheaton gets 4 times the links to him than i do. i also dont like this ebay transaction im embroiled in with this dude in florida. and since we’re making lists, im not completely happy with the cubs’ catcher and second basemen.

i am, however, so happy with Lick that i dont even know what to do.

tonight we’re posting the 34th story.

and its great.

there are four new stories this week and one of them is called f is for fucker.

atlantic monthly wished they had something called f is for fucker but theyre old and weak and slow and lick just kicked their ass.

all women writers.

ms. raspil iverson workin that photoshop and html/css mojo.

true stories of sex drugs and rock.

anonymously.

this is how Lick will be done. next week we will post the submissions that came in from now until friday. on sunday, after the academy awards the first issue of Lick will be completed, and those of you who watched, watched a kickass online zine get put together.

and then we’ll do it again.

i really hope you are enjoying what youre seeing and reading over there. but if youre not thats ok too cuz i sure as hell am loving it.

and the best part is this is just the begining.

lick + tourniquet + amy + mr. picassohead