sometimes the computer needs to have its cache cleared, maybe followed by a restart

who am i to think im any different.

i wanna go to palm springs this weekend with amber before it gets too hot

and just lay by the pool for a few days

but shes got this thing and that thing

one involving a baby shower.

can you imagine what sort of magician i would have to be to wrest a woman away from her best friend’s baby shower?

so maybe next week.

even though the entire idea is ridiculous.

but what isnt ridiculous. i paid $3 extra to order thai food via the computer the other day, so i wouldnt have to pick up the phone and try to make it happen with a dude yelling on his end from a loudly busy restaurant.

its all ridiculous. magnets, how do they work.

only reason i have cats is because bukowski liked cats. not that i went out to get any, mind you, they were literally thrust upon my doorstep. but i am glad i have them even though they have figured out how to wake me up every morning for food

the boy cat, prince, is chubby. my bad. i love him. he’s aggressive and always following me around like a roving reporter. he wants to witness my every move. the girl, michael, likes her beauty sleep. prince has things to watch.

when i go out to get the paper in the morning he jumps from the couch and follows me to the door, just barely sticking his face over the threshold, sniffing at the welcome mat, squinting in the sun.

michael will wake up long enough to lick herself, reposition, and dive back into dreamland.

i think bukowski would have liked these two very very much.

for the last year i havent spent a lot of time with them, but now on this project im home a lot more

and at night she sends me off to the living room before she’s about to fall asleep

so i am out here on the couch with my music and huge tv

and these two are so happy because i pet them and scratch them and

constantly push them away from me.

it’s a weird little dance.

and because they are competitive, one waits for the other to fall asleep

and then crawls over to my lap like nbd

they are very lovable animals who have slowly started to get fat.

and even though it goes against my best nature, because i dont know how to stop feeding them

i bought an automatic feeder thing for them.

it’s their christmas gift.

i hope they dont hate me forever for it.

theyd be called nurses.

nurse came over my house the other day and said

stick out your tongue

say ahhhhhh

how many fingers am i holding up

whats the square root of sandwich

why does the free bird sing

if a train left chicago on wednesday how many cold cokes will be in its fridge when it arrives in los angeles’ union station

why dont you floss more

why is your door open

youre not mr goldblum

what are all these hats on the wall

where is your insurance card

you arent mr gold’s son

please put your shirt back on

i said please

if cats cared they’d say please more often.

theres cat hair on my shirt.

when i rolled over to one side of my bed there was cat hair there too.

the girl on the couch spent the night else where last night so i shut my door and gave them

the entire run of the mansion

other than my messy little room

and at an early hour they stuck their paws under the door

and meowed and rattled walls

and demanded to see the man of the house.

due to one thing leading to another i had not retired until 3am and i did not appreciate this disturbance at the heron house

so i threw a shoe at the door to shut them up

but they found the shoe string of the sneaker and pulled at it

thus making the door bang that much louder

so i threw another shoe

and another.

and finally a book

and two more books.

of course they thought this was a hilarious game.

so i stormed to the door, making sure to be extra loud on the hardwood floor

i heard them scatter and i whipped open the door and dramatically chased them around the first floor.

i drew a bath.

i caught them.

i threw one and then the other in the bath.

their feet touched the top of the water and miraculously flew elsewhere.

they hid. wet. somehow mad AT ME

i marched back to bed

pulled the blanket over my head.

and on the blanket – more cat hair.