i remember very little of it

im starting to think thats good

maybe i want to be the person that someone says oh yeah i met him and i remember nothing

because if you are that person that means i wasnt rude to you

i didnt do anything outrageous

i just showed up, shook hands, gave you an autograph

hugged you without groping

and went on with my day.

i literally have nothing to prove any more.

my only goals are to make my momma happy and the Lord not want to cross me off the Good List.

the only thing i really remember from that day was the food was good.

it was right there in the Thunderdome where they would play later that night. Biggest tour theyd ever have. and i thought this: when they planned out their tour they probably thought oh we’re gonna play LA then SF, lets see if we can play at the college in between in Santa Barbara.

and they probably thought oh we can go shopping eat at a great restaurant, go to the beach

but im not sure they did any of that.

im pretty sure they just stayed near the arena the whole day or in their tour busses.

they were adults. there was no food fights. there wasnt even any weed aroma.

i remember a different band that asked us to find cocaine for them. this band did not.

this band ate the food and smiled and chit chatted about god knows what.

i want to be like that so much.

because i am

so

not

that

at

all.

i want people to be happy.

i hear a lot of stories. i dont consider myself a very good listener. but for some reason people want to tell me things.

i hear a lot about how bad peoples childhoods were. or how bad certain moments were. and those traumatic moments stuck with them in a more dramatic way than their happy moments.

when i think of my childhood i think about riding my bike anywhere i wanted, being an all-star shortstop with a huge afro, getting walter paytons autograph in the nicest way, playing the saxamaphone and then drums, roller skating, kissing diane and her sister heather at the same party

swimming, playing tennis, golfing in a giant field, sledding, running, jumping, climbing, reading, listening to the radio

the only negative thing i can think of is not being able to watch the 1975 all star game because i didnt want to eat my vegetables.

so when i hear some of the truly messed up stuff that some people tell me it makes me so sad because childhood should not be like that

but adulthood shouldnt be like that either.

i hear some stories about that too.

and im like seriously?

i dont think it’s that hard to be nice to each other.  even when i am at my most frustrated, i try to find an angle where we can both agree and then work from there.

the reason i am giving up fighting on the internet with strangers about politics is not that its a waste of time, because i dont think it its

but i do think that communication is one of humans’ superpowers and i dont think God wants us to use that elusive miracle

creativity

to insult each other.

i think he wants us to use creativity for cooler goals.

i’ll let you know how that turns out.

you’ll see.

my hair’ll come back and my gut will retreat and i’ll read more and learn how to speak spanish with you.

i wont spend all day at the track

taking pictures.

ive spent so long acting like a nerd that its not an act any more, thats what your sister hinted to me when we were playing boggle.

listening to rush and drinking straight out of the bottle.

i was waiting for the bus the other day

one day i’ll be cool

and this man was arranging his paper bags and in one of them was his morning bottle of beer and it fell a long way down to the train platform and it was glass and the guy didnt even try cuz he knew it was a lost cause

you’ll see

but it just clinked and didnt bounce and didnt shatter and didnt make a big splashy loud noise telling everyone that hi im an alkie

it performed its miracle and he picked it up from the ground and put it in a black bag and wrapped it and only the top stuck out for the busride

and i wish i had something good to hide.

you’ll see

he wispered inbetween sneaky sips i woulda never guessed it was him or he was that or he was anything, i never paid much attention to any of the men.

some guys at the xbi are constantly trying to be safer, smarter, sharper, cooler.

im not trying to move up or move down or move out im just trying to complete the assignment as quick as possible.

im trying to get the first pitch groundout not the backwards k.

they say that proves im elderly.

and there was a day when i thought i had to prove how hard i could do it or for how long but now i like the changeup heat changeup heat

i wish i was neat.

woman super fucked up on friday on the way home i was on top of the world comes up to me and i guess i looked good with a hawaiian shirt and a book open as i walked

she told me the beginings of a sob story about her tire going flat and how she needed to get to alhambra

and i said im sorry i cant

i didnt have a dollar handy

like i sometimes do

and normally i will hand it over

i shoulda handed it over

one day i’ll be cool.

dug around for a little

listened for a minute

not what i didnt do.

one day i’ll be

just wait

you’ll see.

fraterslibertas + little green footballs