today is my first girlfriends birthday

one day we were talking on the phone and she said who in your record collection

is the coolest dude

and i said hendrix

and she said then lets listen.

she lived far away but back then the phone bills weren’t very expensive since

in reality she was only 1 mile away

but it seemed like 20 because we had no cars and the road didnt go like that

it made us go all around a giant farm

so i put the phone next to the record player

and we listened and talked

and now, years later,

jimi has only gotten cooler.

the proust questionnaire

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
to have lived without ever experiencing true love

Where would you like to live?
6850 del playa, isla vista, ca 93117

What is your idea of earthly happiness?
eating a lot, then drinking a lot, then loving a lot, then sleeping alot
and waking up without a hangover or any regrets

Who are your favorite heroes of fiction?
henry chinaski, nick adams, homer simpson

Who are your favorite characters in history?
moses, mike tyson, kurt cobain, and oj

Who are your favorite heroines in real life?
american single black moms

Who are your favorite heroines of fiction?
the girl in Cruddy, the sister in Vurt, and uma thurman’s character in Kill Bill 2

Your favorite painter?

Your favorite musician?

The quality you most admire in a man?

The quality you most admire in a woman?

Your favorite virtue?

To what faults do you feel most indulgent?
eating fast foods and sweets daily if not hourly

Your favorite occupation?
weekend days when i lay in bed and pushing the limits of laziness

Who would you have liked to be?
Evel Knievel

Your most marked characteristic?

The quality you most like in a man?

The quality you most like in a woman?
having the courage to take fashion risks

What do you most value in your friends?

What is your principle defect?

What is your dream of happiness?
to be able to fully appreciate an entire hour of my day, one day.

What to your mind would be the greatest of misfortunes?
to die before seeing the Cubs win it all.

What would you like to be?

In what country would you like to live?
id like to live in the land of the free and the home of the brave

What is your favorite color?

What is your favorite flower?

What is your favorite bird?
The Fidrych

Who are your favorite prose writers?
Ronald Sukenick, Mark Twain

Who are your favoite poets?
Bukowski, WC Williams, Milton, Hopkins

Who are your favorite composers?
Young Young & Scott

What are your favorite names?
kumquat, Asperger, and Merle

What is it you most dislike?
how time flies

What natural gift would you most like to possess?

How would you like to die?
Being ripped to shreds by sharks after saving a drowning baby

What is your present state of mind?
disappointed that im not more clever after all these years

What is your motto?
if you’re not hearing “no”, you’re probably playing it too safe

100 Greatest American Men of all Time

by tony pierce

1. abraham lincoln, freed the slaves
2. chuck berry, invented rock and roll
3. elvis presley, embodied rock and roll
4. bob dylan, legitimized rock and roll
5. hugh hefner, embodied the american dream
6. martin luther king jr., legitimized america
7. muhammed ali, greatest of all times
8. benjamin franklin, did it all
9. jackie robinson, legitamized baseball
10. michael jordan, set the standard of excellence
11. charles bukowski, greatest american poet
12. j.d. salinger
13. frank sinatra
14. les paul
15. jimi hendrix
16. philo t. farnsworth
17. henry ford
18. bill gates
19. fdr
20. larry flynt
21. norman lear
22. harry caray
23. bill veeck
24. willie mays
25. mark twain
26. howard stern
27. hank williams sr.
28. johnny cash
29. john coltrane
30. john f kennedy
31. louis armstrong
32. magic johnson
33. charles mingus
34. charles r. drew
35. ted turner
36. jack daniels
37. eli whitney
38. pete rose
39. edward r. murrow
40. george hallas
41. william t. sherman
42. thomas jefferson
43. thomas edison
44. henry aaron
45. fredrick douglass
46. the wright bros
47. steven speilberg
48. benjamin banneker
49. timothy leary
50. jesse owens
51. matt groening
52. lenny bruce
53. richard pryor
54. sammy davis jr.
55. evil knievel
56. ron popeil
57. tiger woods
58. spike lee
59. kurt vonnegut
60. ernest hemingway
61. jerry garcia
62. steve dahl
63. tom dowd
64. walter payton
65. johnny carson
66. howard cosell
67. bill murray
68. n.w.a
69. bill clinton
70. babe ruth
71. miles davis
72. chris berman
73. lewis & clark
74. chick hearn
75. rick rubin
76. robert oppenheimer
77. the sugar hill gang
78. john belushi
79. col. harland sanders
80. charlie parker
81. thelonious monk
82. kurt cobain
83. berry gordy
84. mike royko
85. tom waits
86. quentin tarantino
87. al davis
88. pt barnum
89. duke ellington
90. andy warhol
91. buster keaton
92. doc ellis
93. mel blanc
94. hunter s. thompson
95. branch rickey
96. steve jobs
97. ev williams
98. eddie rickenbacher
99. william carlos williams
100. rodney bingheimer