i like players who are exciting

pete rosecall me crazy.

one day the cubs were playing the philadephia phillies and for some reason i was at the game.

i dont know why but i didnt hate pete rose. if anything i was on the fence about him because he had never hurt the cubs, and he beat the AL in the world series all the time i bet on him.

later in his career they moved him over to first base and in the first inning, after the cubs had made their last out on a ground out, Pete spiked the ball super hard in the grass and it rolled over to the mound

and everyone booed like crazy.

and i thought this is the greatest thing ever.

because you can get people to react when you get a hit or snare a line drive, or bowl over their catcher or injure their shortstop

but who knew you rile them up a second after the inning was over?

this, the game pretty boy Bryce Harper thinks is boring.

your obsession with hair care products are boring, Bryce, not the national pasttime.

there was never anything boring about Pete Rose, not when he was in the box, on the bases, or running off the field to a torrent of summertime chicago hate.

so of course he would autograph a baseball to Donald Trump.

for the right price he’ll autograph a baseball to you

and he’ll write anything youd like him to say


pete baseball

and run straight to the bank with that goofy smile of his

heres the thing about me and love

ditkathings start off great. in monopoly you get money, a car or a thimble or a hat, and you get to roll.

with me, i pretty much already love you. why? who knows, why do you get money in Monopoly? cuz you just do!

but as time goes by if you treat me poorly i will start not loving you. this can spiral.

but odds are i love you. this can increase if you make food for me, clean my apartment, treat me like a human, or let me put my hand on your thigh as we drive down PCH.

i’ll also love you if i just drank a bunch of Mexican Coke.

or if the Cubs just won a close game.

or if theres something good playing at the Vista.

or if someone just hands me a bowl of banana creme pudding.

or if theres something good on the radio.

or if the Muffs are about to play the Echoplex

or if the taco from the taco truck doesnt get me sick.

or if you text me nudes when i least expect it.

or if you let me put a washer dryer in my apartment after 15 years of having to go to the coin laundry.

or if you put Pete Rose into the Hall of Fame where he deserves to be.

or if you dress like a hooker and get me chinese food on my 30th birthday because im freaked that ive entered old age.

or if your band truly has a dual guitar attack.

or if you retweet my tweet instead of like it.

or if you legalize weed and stop the war on drugs.

or if you win the super bowl for walter payton.

or if you love the poor and give them good things.

or if you skateboard over a broken down car thats on fire.

or if you make a movie that gives me hope and has me singing the theme song in the parking lot.

but if you dick me over royally i’ll hold it against you forever even if it kills me first.

100 Greatest American Men of all Time

by tony pierce

1. abraham lincoln, freed the slaves
2. chuck berry, invented rock and roll
3. elvis presley, embodied rock and roll
4. bob dylan, legitimized rock and roll
5. hugh hefner, embodied the american dream
6. martin luther king jr., legitimized america
7. muhammed ali, greatest of all times
8. benjamin franklin, did it all
9. jackie robinson, legitamized baseball
10. michael jordan, set the standard of excellence
11. charles bukowski, greatest american poet
12. j.d. salinger
13. frank sinatra
14. les paul
15. jimi hendrix
16. philo t. farnsworth
17. henry ford
18. bill gates
19. fdr
20. larry flynt
21. norman lear
22. harry caray
23. bill veeck
24. willie mays
25. mark twain
26. howard stern
27. hank williams sr.
28. johnny cash
29. john coltrane
30. john f kennedy
31. louis armstrong
32. magic johnson
33. charles mingus
34. charles r. drew
35. ted turner
36. jack daniels
37. eli whitney
38. pete rose
39. edward r. murrow
40. george hallas
41. william t. sherman
42. thomas jefferson
43. thomas edison
44. henry aaron
45. fredrick douglass
46. the wright bros
47. steven speilberg
48. benjamin banneker
49. timothy leary
50. jesse owens
51. matt groening
52. lenny bruce
53. richard pryor
54. sammy davis jr.
55. evil knievel
56. ron popeil
57. tiger woods
58. spike lee
59. kurt vonnegut
60. ernest hemingway
61. jerry garcia
62. steve dahl
63. tom dowd
64. walter payton
65. johnny carson
66. howard cosell
67. bill murray
68. n.w.a
69. bill clinton
70. babe ruth
71. miles davis
72. chris berman
73. lewis & clark
74. chick hearn
75. rick rubin
76. robert oppenheimer
77. the sugar hill gang
78. john belushi
79. col. harland sanders
80. charlie parker
81. thelonious monk
82. kurt cobain
83. berry gordy
84. mike royko
85. tom waits
86. quentin tarantino
87. al davis
88. pt barnum
89. duke ellington
90. andy warhol
91. buster keaton
92. doc ellis
93. mel blanc
94. hunter s. thompson
95. branch rickey
96. steve jobs
97. ev williams
98. eddie rickenbacher
99. william carlos williams
100. rodney bingheimer

this morning i started the new pete rose book

boobsit’s good. and it’s surprisingly funny. the busses were crazy today. packed as always. the busdriver had a little situation where he was talking to himself. he had a cell phone thing on but he wasnt on the damn cell phone. people come up to me and ask me questions. some even smile. i keep thinking, wait, me? i look like scum in the morning. today i had a green flannel, a five dollar Los Angeles trucker hat, black cords that were baggy and wrinkled, a daypack, bags under my eyes, crazy wild fro sticking out from under the hat and going every whichway.

is this the way to wilshire and normandie?

who? me?

living in hollywood without a car is not only not a big deal, but yesterday it was perfect.

i walked a few blocks to sunset and stood at the busstop for a minute. then i decided to walk west to the next stop. a little circulation couldnt hurt the wheels, i thought. got to the next stop and noticed that i was in front of a church. inside the church there was a room where a dozen or so interesting looking characters were talking to each other.

after further review it looked like people who had just gotten out of jail

thats right,

people who looked sorta like me.

i didnt stare. i looked at the crosses carved into the wood and i wished i had gotten my camera out of my true loves car the other day. then the bus came.

we rode down to vine and i got out at the archlight and walked across the street and went right into the theater.

no parking to deal with. no doors needing to be locked. no remembering of what level your $23k debt was sitting.

i paid the $11 for my movie ticket without a care in the world.

barely drank my $3.50 soda

walked across the street after the movie and browsed karisas favorite store in the world: borders books.

picked up a deeply discounted calander with the rose book, paid and walked up to hollywood blvd looking at the stars in the sidewalk like a tourist.

ah yes, tony bennet, frank sinatra… wait Frank Sinatra! i looked around the dark barren sad little stretch of sidewalk on Vine where the chairman of the board’s star sat and i kept moving. don knotts, cary grant, clark gable, michael landon

michael landon?

soon i was turning the corner on hollywood blvd and seeing that patrick swayze was going to be performing Chicago at the pantages for three weeks.

then i remembered that michael landon was on bonanza after all

decended into the subway and soon i was home.

today bob mould taught me that usa today has a blog! who knew they have had one for years! apparently im not hip.

hollywood walk of fame + amy + science blog

pete rose is one of my all-time heroes

koons not just baseball heroes. he didnt let being a slowfooted whitetrash uneducated slackjawed yokel stop him from getting more hits than anyone who ever played pro baseball.

they say hitting a round ball with a round bat is the hardest thing to do in sports and pete rose did it more times than anyone.

he wrote a book that i bought when i was 12 called How To Hit Better Than Anybody.

most baseball players — check that — most Hall of Famers have a hitting milestone of 3,000 hits. get 3,000 and you’re guaranteed entry into the Hall of Fame.

Pete Rose had over 4,000 hits but he is not in the Hall of Fame today because he was accused of betting on baseball.

Ever since the Chicago Black Sox scandal that John Cusack was involved in about 100 years ago baseball has been hypersensitive about gambling. sadly they should have paid more attention to betting AGAINST your team as opposed to betting ON your team.

The Black Sox took money to lose the world series. Huge difference between throwing a game and believing in your team so much that you’d put your money where your scorecard is.

Anyhow, when Pete was manager of the Reds he got involved with some criminals who ratted him out and exposed his troubles with gambling. It was never revealed that Pete bet AGAINST the Reds but Bart Giamatti, the commish of baseball didnt care. He banned the greatest hitter of all time from baseball and in doing so the IRS threw Pete in jail for tax evasion for not claiming his gambling winnings with his annual taxes.

Giamatti was struck down by GOD and his successor chose to be just as hardheaded and continued to ban Pete and keep him from his rightful place in the hallowed Hall of Fame in Cooperstown.

Before Giamatti croaked he made a deal with Charlie Hustle. he said as long as he didnt fight the action being brought against him, that he would be eligible for reinstatement into baseball in 2-3 years. Hick-ass pete actually believed the commish and didnt fight the fist and got f’ed.

he never admitted to betting on baseball until now and they had never proved it. all they had was the testimony of guys who either were in prison or had spent some heavy time in prison. thats whos gonna keep out the all time hit king?

only reason pete rose is admitting that he bet on baseball is to sell a book and get in the hall of fame

which is an awfully pathetic place to put somebody in and baseball should be ashamed.

pete rose is everything great about the american dream. he wasnt fast or powerful or pretty or smart but he gave his all and became a winner and the best hitter of all time.

the front office of major league baseball should not be in the business of tearing a man down so they can then honor him for eternity.

the all time hit king deserves bettor.

aarons baseball blog + eric case + see thru skin + so lonesome