today is also my first california gf’s bday

not michele i dont care if no one thinks she looks like the chick in arcade fire. i think she does.

when i first moved to LA there were quite a few things i wanted to do. i wanted to surf, i wanted to skateboard, and i wanted to date punk rock chicks.

michele was so punk rock she actually frightened me when i first met her. all of her clothes were torn, her lipstick was bright red and messy, her hair was knotted, the madonna one shoulder layered look was happening so she had that going. later her friend would try to diss her by calling it The Just Raped Look, but it was so accurate it was actually funny.

even though she was only a few months older than me, she knew everything and i knew nothing. the only things we were equals about were foreign films, so we went to a lot of those and held hands and talked about the movies all night in my cadillac.

id put my hand on her leg and shed say why is everything always about sex

and id say smart girls turn me on

and shed say you mean smart Women

and id say yeah whatever

and shed say no, not whatever, women have been oppressed for two long by men who

and id say baby im black dont tell me about oppression

and shed say its exactly those who have been oppressed who should be the first to rectify their errors

now if you think i had moved my hand off her leg then youve obviously never argued with me while on a date with me

after a long night of watching gerard depardu work his magic

three years we dated before we ever consummated the love we had.

thats how good she kissed.

they say only only two things come out of texas

but clearly more than that crawls out from under that rock since we have our brilliant president and now we have this brilliant email:

Tony –
Several Austinites said during SXSW that you were a total dumb fuck, but I defended you, said the blog was funny and you should be cut some slack as a poorly educated LA slacker (as opposed to the slackers HERE, where the term came from!)

Your take on the new Springsteen CD is funny. Your idea that he should be like he was on those “first three records he made” is even funnier.

Let’s see: how old were you when those first three records were made in the early 1970’s, Tony? Two years old? Three years old? Were you even born?

I don’t think you can begin to speak to what the Boss was like then or now, or what his personal musical and lyrical heritage was, or what his personal musical and lyrical journey has been.

You remind me of somebody who gets to be 25 or so and suddenly sees a slightly bigger picture than he’s seen previously and then BAM – you think you know everything and can tell people you’ve never known and will never know how they should do things. “Man, I saw Springsteen in ’85 and he rocked, why can’t he still be like that, because I want him to be like he was when I saw him as a teenager.”

You don’t know shit, as we say in Texas.

Dylan writes about dumb fucks like you in his book Chronicles, Vol. 1, by the way.

– Jackson in Texas

dear jackson,

first of all, i dont need you to defend me to your imaginary friends. infact if any of them have problems with me in the future, teach them how to type and have them leave me a comment in my offending post.

the truth is no one in texas had a problem with me during sxsw. least of all any austinites. i was kissed by roller girls, i was blown by college girls, i shared drinks with austinists, and i was smoked out repeatedly by local club owners.

hell man, even your fucking cops posed for pictures with and for me.

the only thing your so-called friends could have been upset about was they didnt have as sweet of a time those ten days as i did, while getting paid. im sorry they didnt have hot girls invade their hotel room and eat their roomservice, im sorry they didnt stay up all night and take pictures of dumbass movie stars, im sorry they didnt get paid to take pictures of top 40 bands and bottom 40 bands, and the real heart of texas, im sorry they didnt get to speak on any panels, or get stopped by the grim reaper himself who said tony pierce holy fuck i love the fucking busblog – somebody take a picture of us.

so if they were jealous, my condolences. hopefully they’ll live.

and btw – you dare call me a slacker? since 7/4/04 ive written 1,693 blog posts and average over 10,000 readers a week.

how many posts have you and your fake slacker friends written in less than two years, and what are their scary huge hits like?

im such a slacker that while in austin i even blogged drunk almost every night proving that even with a hand tied behind my back i could wipe the floor with losers like you who have excuse after excuse about why they dont post their brilliance.

and the kids loved it, almost as much as they will love this smack down.

if only your pappy slacked the night he stumbled home and climbed ontop of your fatassed momma.

so blow me. and blow yourself for not even mentioning one song from bruce’s new record proving you havent even heard it to know if im full of shit or not regarding my review you fucking emailer.

instead you wanna talk about my age. how old was i when the first three springsteen records came out? who the fuck cares? i was 100. i was 50. i was 69. i was eight. what difference on earth would it make? rosalita off the first record is still miles ahead of anything on this latest cold fish. or can i only have an opinion of the wild the innocent and the e street shuffle if i was in my 20s when it was released?

is this the texas logic that voted for bush as governor and then president?

maybe, perhaps, youve never listened to greetings from asbury park either. the crazy rhymes of blinded by the light, the passion of for you, the soul of spirit in the night, and the youthful idealism of growin up. show me where any of those elements are still alive in any of the last three records the boss has come out with. including the record you havent even heard so fuck you.

and please tell me that springsteen only got better after his third record, born to run – that he penned a finer american epic than thunder road, recorded a mightier anthem than the title track, or ever matched the theater of jungleland.

of course i loved the next three albums, darkness, the river, and nebraska which were all solid and wonderful. and its from that love of those three releases particularily the grittier tunes from that period – point blank, darkness, johnny 99, badlands, the river, drive all night, atlantic city, adam raised a cain – that i feel springsteen let us down on this so called folk record.

after you illegally download this new album you pathetic fool, listen to the piano that i talked about in my review, and tell me that it isnt passionless and robotic and generic and hokey compared to what professor roy brittan laid down on point blank, listen to the acoustic guitar on any of this new shit and tell me it sounds like that stark lonesome tone of johnny 99, and pay attention for one goddam minute of your life and hear bruces voice and tell me that this new record makes you even once say “holy shit bruce can fucking sing” like you did when you heard drive all night for the first time, after you finished sucking your mothers cock.

im sorry if you think that the seeger sessions is beyond reproach because its got bruce springsteens name on it or because tony pierce has an opinion about it different than people in austin who by the way got me sick while i was there making out with them. im sorry if you care more about the age of people or the names of people or the zip codes of where bloggers pay their taxes.

me, i just care about the music. i dont care that you eat out your brothers ass or vote for unbelievable failures or smoke shitty weed, i just care when talented geniuses lose it, not because they owe me anything, but because i think it can be prevented.

theres not a lot of people who could write the first six bruce springsteen records. and theres not anyone who could write a bob dylan record. but even you, even with your head up your ass as deep as it currently is, could have made this new quote unquote bruce springsteen record. which is why you defend it and why i call bullshit on it. and if you have anything else to say to me put it in your own blog that nobody reads.

my gmail account is for nudes of your momma. your whiny bullshit just clutters it up.

and before you apoligize, remember this, i remind you of no one. so save it.

nic + raspberry + amy + pitt + kanye west added to coachella

dear madonna,

i believe youve justified your love. thank you. i look forward to downloading your next album.

we’ve been through a lot together. you and i. me and you.

i believe the year was nineteen eighty four. i was dating a punk rock girl super into the cure. and poetry.

the first time we made out she said is that bruce springsteen

and i said why yes it is.

oh madonna, i was 97 years old but i was so young.

a literal virgin.

back in those days we had to pay for our music so i didnt have any of yours.


but you didnt need to own any madonna records back then, it was everywhere.

when i got to santa barbara, true blue era, i couldnt believe that people were like seriously into you. like, no shes good tony. and when people ask me why i stopped taking acid its because people would play madonna records for me and itd freak me out and bad trip me.

my only solace, and i know you wont believe me but its true, and i write about it tonight, halloween night, because they were perfect for a night like tonight.

in college there was a band called pms. an all girl band.

carla was the singer but ramona the bassist, a melding between bettie page and henry rollins

with the greatest tattos… and everything, was the star.

she was the anti madonna.

and hotter.

once i was having a horrible bad trip on acid and i wrote a little poem to my mother

and waited to die.

and something snapped inside me and i got up and i skatedboarded to the pms show

it stood for premarital sex.

they were playing in the backyard of an isla vista home.

or maybe it was a field.

you dont really know on acid, and for some reason i liked that.

and i listened to pms play and even though they were a very nice punk rock thrash situation, that particular night they sounded like angels

in their blood stained wedding dresses

bright red right at the crotch.

and the thing is, madonna, i wanna know about the bands that youve seen.

the nights youve had.

cuz youre madonna.

im glad youre into kabalah and yoga and living in england and all that fucked up shit, if you were living down the street coming back from the blockbuster in your sweats you wouldnt be a rock star to me. youd be pavement.

you and me had very little in common in the first place, and thats probably why i liked you.

and the fact that you were always getting naked for me and talking dirty.

and the fact that erotica, bedtime stories, and ray of light were somehow brilliant.

wtf woman.

i dont know what youre doing nowadays, but maybe ive just been distracted.

maybe i havent justified my love.

you should let tsar open for you.



jennifer + raspberry sundae + gorilla mask + city rag

madonna reinvented herself at the forum last night

kicking off her brand new tour here in los angeles.

the forum is technically in south central la, which has recently been changed to the more politically correct “south los angeles”, but i digress.

twenty years ago madonna bumped and grinded her way onto mtv and it’s been hard to get her out of the public spotlight, try as we might.

sadly the re-invention has already taken place in the forms of britney and christina, but whatev, maybe the old bag has a few more tricks up her sleeve, who knows.

you know how hot you are here in LA based on where you are playing. while doing a few shows at the Forum used to be the creme de la creme back in the day of dayglow, fingerless bikergloves, and ripped sweatshirts, it’s no longer the case.

today in LA you’re not a big dog unless youre headlining at Staples Center.

tomorrow night the Lakers will headline there, and wednesday Prince begins a five night engagement ending the arguement once and for all as to who of the big stars of ’84 has held up the best: madonna, springsteen, prince, or michael jackson.

no one is as sexy as prince. madonna keeps trying to push the boundaries, but she never etched the word slave on her face. the king of pop pretends to be extravagant but i dont see him handing out free copies of his new cd to all attendees of his concert as a free gift as thanks for forking over $75 for each ticket.

and springsteen hasnt written a good song since the title track of tunnel of love back in 1987.

so prince wins.

and he looks better.

and he didnt ever have to get naked with vanilla ice in a sex book, or jump on the kaballah bandwagon, or turn british.

which is why im going to his show on wednesday and why i will just wait for the inevitable concert movie about this madonna comeback.

plus i bet she lipsyncs.

one thing you should know about me. i try to be fair. i wont bash someone unless i have a solution to the situation.

heres what madonna needs to do if she wants to reinvent herself:

drop all the dancers and stage shit and props and crap and comeback to us as a real american singer.

we love her songs.

we love her.

come back stripped down in classy long dresses (and a few short naughty ones), stand in front of a barebones band and sing your fucking hits.

my favorite records by madonna were during her first reinvention in the 90s.

1992’s Erotica started the experimentation into electronica, ’94’s Bedtime Stories is probably maddys most complete record of her career, and ’98’s Ray of Light got the critical acclaim that had eluded her for most of her life.

since then she began to lose her way. Although she had some great tunes on 2000’s Music, the title track was the last good song she’s written in four years.

is she over the hill?


is she capable of pulling a tina turner-esque private dancer comeback?


does anyone think that she’s going to do it this year?

nope. nope. and nope.

she might also consider doing a tour of covering nothing but ’80 hits from her former mtv-mates.

or better yet, do a duet record with the purple one. a double album.

bing + darren + danielle + flagrant