xbi said go to spring training, we have some tix there for you

but just make sure you pose with your girl at the Sloane Park sign

and buy some tshirts for us

and say tip the Mexican guy with the Crazy Chips $3, he has a message for you

then buy a straw hat, you will be known for the hat.

then knock on the door of the Cubs poutine truck. it will be “closed.”

a blonde will approach you, ask to take a picture of her nails

we will sit you next to a family of Iowa farmers. when the long time pork farmer says “everything was good until those fucking tariffs were imposed on the Chinese” you know you have the right guy.

step into the open door at the Chicago Dogs stand. your envelope will be there.

and never forget. all the best have been let go. keep yr heart pure.

im in mesa, arizona

in n out

birthplace of the blues.

this is where the dreams start. the left side of the rainbow.

everyone comes to spring training with high hopes and visions of sparkly things.

except for the cubs.

i can’t remember one year when march rolled around and i was all

oh yeah

look out man

but this year everythings all butterflies and unicorns and gumdrop trees.

tomorrow im gonna eat from the gumdrop tree and tell you about it.

but first, a dip in the magic buttered hot tub.