as the who said, it’s hard

every day is a struggle.

every day mortality looks you in the face and laughs.

the clock begins ticking as soon as you enter this crazy maze, but Life in The Era of Rona is weird and gets weirder every day.

people get mad, people fuck up, people do dumb things, people fight and lash out at Death and now the skies are blood red or brown or black.

like my heart.

i asked for a vacation and i got a vacation. i told my boss i wanted a few days off and she said take the whole week. i cashed out my 401k not long ago and now i want to go on a western road trip and sleep by the pool.

at first i wanted to go to Palm Springs but the smoke is so bad here and its floating over there. soon it will kill all the birds and the bees and the grass and the trees.

so Santa Barbara? Mexico? Arizona? Vegas? who knows, who cares. we are all gonna die and if we survive everyones gonna vote for the wrong man and russia is gonna take over and imma have to do the Kremlin’s twitter so we may as well party now while we can.

Alexa: where is it safe to drive to?

Nowhere, Tony, nowhere.

then thats where we’re going.

this is our last few hours in new york

and as always it has taken my breath away

yes theres the energy. the possibilities. the buildings. the diversity. the music. the power. the history. the people. the doggies. the newspapers. the food the food the food. the bars. the people in jets and giants jerseys. the lights. the boats. the parks. the little garbage cans. the brownstones. the markets. the late night every things.

but theres something even more.

yesterday we had a great lunch with my dear friend amy who gave me some great advice about Whats Next for me. its weird when i first started at LAist she was all, ok thats great but Whats Next? i was like omg i have my dreamiest job, i get to wear pajamas and blog and blog what could be more than this? and she would say youre tony pierce youre bigger than one blog no matter how much you grow it.

and now shes still saying theres a tony pierce project i should be thinking about. and its fascinating because when she was the editor of our college paper winning every award you could imagine our biggest dreams back then were to work for papers like the LA Times. but still she says theres more.

i dont want more. i want a freaky crazy quality. i want to be part of a fine and funky system. i want to be… i dont know what. nirvana meets miles meets king kong.

this is what i want. i want exactly what happened for dinner.

right before dinner we had a great conversation with our friend anna who knows more about the other dimensions than makes some comfortable. including me. i had been reading the first 10 psalms when she came home. then we all talked. then i had to use the restroom (its getting better) and i read a few pages of meghan mccains book and im loving it. then i rejoined the convo with anna and my truest. it went on for hours.

around 11 it was decided that my baby wanted to eat and since we hadnt eaten since mexican bbq with amy we left the house and found our way to the R train. we were told to get off at R street and walk a few blocks to a Cafe. i figured that because the Giants game was in the 3rd quarter that everything would be open. sadly the Colts were demolishing the Giants so things were closing.

didnt matter. we kept walking and we ended up at the muy romantico Brooklyn Promenade. quality views. sweet couples arm in arm or cuddling checking out that great view. all the lights. a few boats. but mostly loveliness. we kept strolling. where? who knows. at some point i put “restaruants” in Google Maps but there werent that many near brooklyn bridge. there was one pizza place that said “no slices” but that one was getting close to closing and i hate to be that guy who keeps everyone open longer than they want. so we strolled until a cab came by.

we got in, a nice man with a long beard and a turban welcomed us calmly. “can you take us across the street, i mean across the bridge to the city. we want to go to a restaurant thats still open.”

he said, “there are many that are still open.”

i said, “good, take us to the place where there are many that are still open.”

we got on the bridge. it was gorgeous. he said, “east village?” i said sure.

thats how i want my life to be. quiet, peaceful, working together with my brothers and sisters. trusting. loving. respecting. but at the same time its a little tiny mini adventure of discovery.

some may say never just let the cabbie be in total control. but control is an illusion. whos really in control when youre in the back seat? you could say 42nd and 5th and he drives you to detroit. so why not just sit back and enjoy the ride?

ended up at 7A, which strangely is a place i walked by years ago. its across from a crazy park in alphabet city. theres a wall painted for Joe Strummer. “know your rights”.

you have the right, to love.

you have the right, to learn.

you have the right, to live.

thought about eating ice cream after dinner. a dinner that featured music by jay-z on the speaker. one great hit after another.

thought about a belgian waffle in a store that had lots of nice pictures of our president.

saw a sticker with our president. saw graffiti celebrating our president.

i remember when reagan was around, i remember when clinton was around. i never remember the kids (and adults) being so excited about the sitting president.

if the question is hows that hopey changey stuff working out for you, the answer in many corners of where ive been lately is the people still believe. and better than believing in one man or one party – they believe in themselves. and whoever that guy is who they keep making posters of, he simply represents what that hope and change is. he symbolizes what it is in our hearts and our hoods.

and if you want to make a belgian waffle and name it obama and eat it, thats fine too.

next stop chicago.

busblog on the road

10/1 drunk blogging in a new york barwatching the bears “im at alaphbet citu7sh. 7th and b. im watcing the bears with a bunch of bears fans whove movved here. i wanna move here. i saw one ugly chick if youre scoring at home and ivf youre scoring at home squeeze yr chicks ass for me.”

10/1 first time having sex in a public bathroom

10/2 video of a kid riding a skateboard while driving a minibike

10/3 interview with some groovy people in central park

10/3 made it to dc despite car problems

10/4 hanging out with my bro in dc

more proof that im totally insane

10/6 nashville: “the devil takes these road trips with me. hes a pretty good travel partner. he ties to make me fall asleep on the wheel. he spots out all the rednecks and white trash. he reminds me how easy it is to get laid and then makes all the girls i meet on the road married or dating or have terrible breath. last night we met a check out chick at the wall mart and he was all oh no you wont and i was all watch me fucker.

10/7 memphis tent revival video action

review of graceland

10/8 photos of the french quarter, memphis, and graceland

10/9 new orleans

10/10 interview with a teenage girl in new orleans

10/11 photo essay of new orleans on LAist

10/11 blogging from crawfish city for your ass

10/12 blogging from waco texas in a popeye’s about being in austin texas with dan sara and leah

10/13 on friday the thirteenth clipper girls cousin called me on my cell phone and totally was mean to me and said horrible things all while i was driving on the george bush freeway in texas ending in her hanging up on me and i will probably never talk to her again so fuck her

also a picture of elvis presleys teddy bear

10/14 from a really nice $55 motel in santa rosa new mexico not san rafael i was actually stoned when i wrote that off a joint i found in the bedspread. video interview with the seemingly perfect kristin pony from when i was in oklahoma that morning.

10/15 because a lot of hotel and motel owners read the busblog heres some tips i have for you

10/16 bored at the grand canyon. no wonder people do acid here.

10/17 video from glendale arizona as the chicago bears face the arizona cardinals on one of the greatest monday night football games of all time

10/18 but i left early because it was killing me to see them get slaughtered. meaning that when they suddenly made that miraculous comeback it was because of something that i had done, namely leave the game and sacrifice myself for the good of the city of chicago and bears fans everywhere.

10/18 a tiny college girl suckers me into getting a facebook deal

10/19 i drove home special to be able to see the pogues and they sucked

10/21 for the first time ever on the busblog i reveal my true age, 99

10/22 on my 100th birthday i post my second favorite page from stiff

10/23 clipper girl promises a great birthday gift and not only doesnt deliver but ditched me on my birthday and then called the next day and i will never probably ever talk to her ever again either so fuck her too.

10/26 not adjusting well to being off the road

10/29 i talk about a womans right to choose what happens in her womb and i get 56 comments

10/30 why abortion rights should go to sexually active girls and why they shouldnt need parental approval.

10/31 a review of the craziest month of the year

day five iowa

how is it that its always 5am? how is it that i didnt really see anything of any interest until 1am? how is it that midwest girls still have my heart? even the ones who check me into my fairfield suites hotel in downtown des moines? how is it that i never knew how small this country can be when you are allowed to drive 85 mph?

how is it that theres all this road construction but nothing seems to be getting done and they have coned off three fourths of the road and theres only one lane to drive in and still all of us: cars trucks boats and planes all seem to be able to still zoom down the highway to hell in the middle of the night and have no problem.

how is it that i have yet to encounter even one bad driver on the entire trip? does that mean that im the bad driver? how is it that no one seems to notice that the largest chain of gas station convenience stores in the midwest is called Kum & Go

how is it that even though i have put this blog on the backburner that over a thousand people a day keep coming here and advertisers still want to pay me to put links to their shit here?

how is it that life is so unfair that anna nicoles son had to not only live with a crazed horny embarrassing druggie drunk of a mom, but that slimeball hanger-on lawyer, and then couldnt even have an exciting way to die young like get caught banging one of the olsen twins and get shot by a jealous boyfriend?

how is it that i might just be in possession of the finest consumer video camera in the world under a thousand dollars and i have not met one girl who wants to get naked in front of it?

how is it that theres no jack n the boxes east of vegas? how is it that the raiders could suck so badly on monday night football? how is it that i dont even wanna beat off here in this chrystal clear clean room even though i listened to Playboy on sirius radio for many hours in the dark while driving with my pants off because my boner was tapping me on the shoulder asking arewethereyet arewethereyet and now that we’re there i just want to work eat drink and sleep?

how is it that i know i never read on the road and yet i always bring all the books that i never got around to reading at the crib?

how is it that i never cry not even while listening to howard stern’s replay of 9/11 from five years ago and his reruns of past 9/11s but a comedy like Little Miss Sunshine had me crying from begining to end because it was so damn good?

how is it that the bitches who play super hard to get, as in super doooper hard to get, in cali dont accept my booty calls until i leave that side of the world and then theyre all hey its too bad youre not here cuz i just got some handcuffs.

how is it that they dont remember that im not mr handcuffs guy im mr shutthefuckupho guy herestheductape as its easier on your wrists when you struggle but just as strong the way i wrap it, and you can write dirty words on duct tape and slap it on the hos head and above the ass and on the belly, etc.

how is it that i drove almost all day today and at the end of the long excursion it almost seemed like my car rode better at the end of the night than it did way at the begining.

how is it that you dont love me. how is it that the cubs are thirty games below five hundy how is it that i keep getting screwed on these time zone changes and i should have two more hours to work before five but in reality its five already which means that i should stop blogging and pass out.

how is it that i arrived in iowa, interviewed the graveyard manager of the Kum & Go on video and before i left i didnt get a six pack of Old Style, my favorite beer of all times?

day two utah

didnt leave vegas until 2:40 because i had to be a dope and get lost trying to get to the Fry’s at the begining of the Strip. then i was really tired while driving in the middle of the day and i thought, why the hell am i tired and then i was all, oh yeah maybe it was because you were up till 5am drinking and smoking with strippers and not eating any dinner.

nevada is bright as hell in the middle of the day when you have a semihangover. checked the oil and i was a quart short which didnt make me super happy because i thought this oil situation was over but i guess that black smoke that comes out of my tail pipe when im passing mini vans while on an upclimb on a hill is my oil getting burned so ive either gotta a) drive slower b) start checking the oil a little more oftenlike.

id never driven east or north from Vegas before so it was interesting to see that theres a speedway right outside of sin city, and it was interesting to see how much of nothing is right there too. nothing for miles. and miles. nothing meaning desert. an old timey sage brush rolled across the freeway just to remind me that God has a sense of humur and likes to say hi in funny ways.

hi buddy.

then he totally busted out with some amazingly red rocks and this gorge that the 15 snakes through on the way to the arizona border which are impossible to photograph but i tried anyways. then youre suddenly in utah and i stopped off at a Best Buy to get a fish eyed lens for the new video camera i got. $38. thanks BB.

there were signs that said Dinosaur Tracks, 2.2 miles ahead so i asked the kids at BB if it was worth my time and the two employees said never been there. and i said pardon me but it doesnt seem like theres anything to do in this town and youre telling me you havent been to the Dinosaur tracks? then they asked two people if it was worth it and they said they hadnt been there neither.

now i dont know about you, but if i lived in the midst of nowhere and i met a pretty girl or went to school with one, id damn sure say hey baby wanna come see the Dinosaur Tracks with me and then later the submarine races?

but i guess the mormons dont finger each other next to the fossils.

pulled over shortly thereafter and got some Arbys cuz im crazy about their curly fries which would haunt me later. but after my meal my drowsyness really set in and i said ive gotta play this shit right, no way is tony pierce gonna die in fucking utah over something as lame as falling asleep at the wheel.

and one very nice thing that i have noticed here is that they have Public/Private rest stops which i guess means the state pays gas stations in the middle of buttfuck some money to keep part of their property available for semi trucks and cars to just park. which is what i did. i laid the chair back and tried to get a few zzz’s. but it was really creepy trying to sleep in my car an hour before sundown.

mostly because right before i actually fell asleep i opened my eyes to make sure that i wasnt still driving and dozing off thinking that i had pulled over. you know how your daydreams can turn into real nodding off sometimes at the wheel? homeys not going out like that. needless to say i didnt fall asleep but it was good to just close my eyes for 15 minutes and think about football.

when i woke up i worked a little on LAist and wrote an email to my three day girlfriend Linda who used to work at the state prison but now apparently works as a sherrifs deputy. i emailed her and said im in utah and i will be spending the night in slc, lets do lunch tomorrow if you get this email in time. and if you do heres my phone number incase youve lost it. and within minutes, holland, she called me and said omg what are you doing here?

so she told me where to get a motel room and we made plans. but as i was trying to find the motel all of a sudden those curly fries wanted to get out of the car through the back door if you know what i mean. by now it was dark and i was driving through the countryside of utah. and i had to pee cuz i was drinking mountain dew to keep myself alive and i was squirming because these curly fries werent taking hell no for an answer.

i found a bible store that had a dumpster in the back and i looked for tp but all i found were napkins and i was all, im gonna get shot for pooping next to someones dumpster, well thats better than just falling asleep and dying. so first i pissed in hopes that that would relieve some of the pressure, and it did. so i got back in the car and sure enough two blocks later there was a Chevron so i could drop the kids at the pool. and murphys law there was a trash can in front of the door.

damn mormons had cleaned the john for the night cuz they were about to close the inside to the public. but i bum rushed it, moved the trash can, accepted the pine scent of cleaner and destroyed that can.

mark twain fucking wished he wrote travel journals like this.

super cute blonde girl working the register frowned when i came out a good 15 minutes later, not at all pondering, as i had, the irony of the amount of gas i had produced in the gas station. and her mom didnt like the way i turned her frown upsidedown with a hollywood wink.

i got a banana, some apple juice and a muffin for the morning and said thanks for letting me use the mens room, but you didnt have to clean for me.

then i watched John Fogerty do like 5 new tunes on austin city limits, then i worked on LAist all night and now its 444am and at 411 i was all do i really have to blog on the busblog and every inanimate object in this little motel room stood up and said FUCK YES YOU LAZY FUCKER. so there you go buddys. now im gonna touch myself and pass out before the cock crows.

climbing the ladder
+ pinky + negro please