theres fires in santa barbara right now

those hills never stood a chance

it never rains enough

its always so sunny

rays from around the universe come to santa barbara all year round

a sunshine convention

everyones got name tags

they get a little too drunk right around last call

then the magnifying glasses come out

and before you know it those light green and yellow hills


i used to want to put irrigation up in the malibu mountains but

everyone says sometimes aint nothing you can do except let nature do its thing

let all the conventioneers sing

let their voices flitter up to where they came from

let their badges curl up

and wither into the never.


we just had the hottest year on Earth ever

we're all gonna die

we’re all gonna die

i love you.

enjoy Wrigley Field and Old Style beer while you can.

and whatever you do, keep voting for liars who swear this has nothing to do with mankind

and theres nothing at all that mankind can do to fix it.

your bible tells us that mankind can do anything



but it starts with saying oh fuck im sorry i was wrong.

we’ve had two inches of rain, maybe less

el ninoyet because of crap in the sewers and drains, we flood easily.

why is there crap in there? because we hardly get any rain. we’ve been involved in a long running drought.

leaves get in there, garbage, branches, guns, ammo, the courage of politicians, the dreams of the broken hearted, rock n roll, good turkey burger recipes,

creative ways to bring back the record industry, the poor, all my cheap sunglasses, all the quarterbacks that could lead the Bears back to the Super Bowl, nachos

starbucks coffee cups with pictures of Jesus on them, spider-man sequels, newpapers who actually try to gear their news towards minorities and young people,

bernie sanders supporters, ron paul supporters, american idol viewers, half burned hoverboards, go cart tires, sissy bars, typewriters, atari consoles, the ideals of thirtysomethings who instead buy bmws and couches they see on pinterest

craft beer bottles, hooker mattresses, jawbreakers, needle nose pliers, my afro, corded phones, freshly beaten fax machines, radio shack signs, lost balloons, circuit cities, dunkin donuts munchkins, white zombie cds, pens with erasers on them, good ideas by network execs,

network execs, tom from myspace, all the bass players of smashing pumpkins, smashed pumpkins, barrels of kale, lost kittens, burnt couches, burnt hippies, affordable housing, the loch ness monster, the missing link, iraqi aluminum tubes, glenn beck’s career, everyones childhood big wheel

remote controls, turkey basters, library cards, self addressed stamped envelopes, tupac, my left foot, the blogosphere and


five inches

moe's of snow and hail dumped on south central last night, about a 20 minute drive from hollywood.

i blame the republicans.

the girl from last night is now asking me to get a cam. i told her i would if she doesnt paris hilton me.

she said she couldnt promise me anything.

shes pretty hot so i said id do whatever she wanted.

what do i care?

now shes saying she wants to drive down here from seattle and make a porn with me.

i said, why stop at one?

theres a freedom in not giving a fuck.

i think ive given up on giving a fuck. not in a bad way. in the best way.

who am i so worried about?

howard stern has shown that you dont have to give a fuck and you can still rule the world.

rush limbaugh has never given a fuck – other than by selling out to the right when it was trendy to do so – and he now gets to do bottles of pills, go to rehab for a few weeks and then get his old job back and not have to worry about prison, which is mostly filled with guys who got busted cuz of lots of drugs.

the president doesnt give a fuck about what the voters think, or about the UN, or anyone other than him and his people.

and now even the snow doesnt give a fuck where it lands.

so why do i run around caring so much?

that dude who got to f paris hilton doesnt give an f about her.

the Trib corp doesnt give an f about the Cubs winning the world series, else Pudge would be a Cub right damn now.

and why is it that im the only one who gives a fuck that our supermodel is in Thailand right now and she didnt have a place to stay tuesday night and hasnt updated since?

apparently i do give a fuck.

even if watts did freeze over.

flagrant disregard + spit circle + john & belle