im thinking about letting it all hang loose this year in the busblog. would you respect me in the morning?

Lick is going to be the depository for all the secrets of the world, but the busblog shouldnt hold back this year. why should it?

mondays at the xbi are hell. fucked up hell. everything that shoulda gotten done the week before or the month before gets dumped into monday and everyone plays catchup and when shit falls downhill it hits me in the eye and you know what i do? i take it. buck stops here. i dont say that in any heroic way, its just the way i wish everyone was. could you imagine if everyone just took care of business and didnt pass the buck? sheesh.

all i want to do today is write. last night all i wanted to do was write. yesterday the phone rang off the hook, and now today the work phone is ringing off the hook.

when the phone here rings too much i try to find out an excuse to take chopper one up for a looksee. but lately theyve been trying to keep things on the download.

friggin terrorists.

everyone is cautious about what goes on in the friendly skies.

not i.

not i.

pretty girl emailed me today. sent me a picture. normally i dont open attatchments. today i did cuz i dont care. mondays im reckless. i need to stop that.

now everyones talking to me. they see im typing. they see im blogging. cant they see im on my government mandated 15 minute break? i havent even eaten lunch today cuz someone brought in mcdonalds for breakfast. let me write fools.

what do i have to say? what do i have to say? i have to say that i want to have something to say. some one left me a comment in my super long post of last night asking for advice on how to write a blog. heres my advice. write and write and write and write. pretend that your mom isnt reading. pretend that prospective employers arent reading it. pretend that youre secretly not trying to get laid cuz of your blog. pretend what you have to say has an audience.

in a word write and pretend.

for example. anna kournikova called me this morning when i was putting the last drops of rogaine in my fro. she read that i had told her to f off in an earlier post.

why you gotta be like that? she asked me.

be like what

be like that!

cuz youre a ho.

you a ho!

so, at least i admit it.

tony pierce why do you have to be so mean to me ALL the time.

cuz you married a boybander when we were supposed to go on vacation.

wont you EVER forgive me for that?

uh, no. probably not.

then you will never have me back again.

yeah, like mail order bride ruskies are a dime a dozen.

fuck you!

sorry, a ruble a dozen.

and with that she hung up on me.

splink wouldnt hang up on me + jack is killing me at fantasy hoops + bunnie rules

my work is reviewing me today.

scary part about all of this is that i moved into chopper one a little over six months ago and my boss hasnt said a good word about me since i got here.

after a few months i asked him why and he said he didnt think he should say anything good to someone for just doing their job. even though everyone knows it’s probably the toughest job in the company.

me, i thank people just for showing up.

we hire a bunch of freelancers every day. heck, i hire a bunch of freelancers every day. when i see them i shake their hands, look them in the eye, and tell them thank you for being there.

call me crazy but i think that one reason that they continue work for us and our notoriously low wages is that they appreciate being treated with respect.

my boss would probably say that im shmoozing them, but i would disagree. i would call it treating them with the respect that i would like get. that anyone would like to get treated.

i know girls who think they always have to keep their boyfriends in line. girls who withhold this or that. its a control thing, a power trip, a game.

my game is the reverse at work. i know the world doesnt shake people’s hands every day. i know the world doesnt pat people on the back for the little things and the big things.

and i also know that not everyone chooses where they will work solely based on who will pay them the most money.

i like to work where i do because of lots of reasons, none of which is the salary, which is minimal.

i like to work where i do because first off, the team is tremendous. i like the end result of what we do. i like that i can wear anything i want. i like that i can take the subway to work and save the enviornment. i like that theres more hot chicks in our building per capita than pretty much anything in hollywood outside of a modeling agency.

i like that im in the center of everything.

the only thing that i dont like is that im not listened to and that i get zero respect.

so im a little nervous about this review because everything that ive seen in this half-year makes me think that my boss doesnt want me. that he doesnt appreciate what ive done. that he isnt rooting for me to succeed. that he has making a nasty little list of “wrong” things that ive done, and he hasnt even considered making a list of “good” things.

my belief is that a review should be like a portrait. the artist looks at his subject and paints what he sees: warts and all.

and i think that such portraits are important because even a mirror can lie, and believe it or not, but i appreciate feedback. but dont distort it by only giving negative feedback.

my belief is that this portrait will only show the warts and the bald spots and the pudgy belly, and the gray hairs, and the nose hairs, while leaving out winning smile and massive cock.

the shit goes down in my job nearly every day.

and one thing that im baffled by is that when the shit goes down my body takes over and slows everything down and my brain goes into overdrive and i become so cool under pressure that its amazing.

i take no credit for this, but ive seen it happen and its sweet.

i dont think that will be covered this afternoon after lunch, even though it should, and it should be studied.

instead we will fight over little distracting things that dont mean much at all.

what they should be trying to figure out is how did a guy like me, who isnt the prototype chopper one pilot, climb onboard and not only complete the missions day after day, but do it while laughing, making others laugh, and doing it with style and grace and respect for those around him?

cuz the truth is you dont always have a group of qualified individuals for a job: look at politics. so how do you identify which underqualified person could actually do the task at hand.

on paper i shouldnt be a popular blogger. i never got an “a” in any english class ive ever taken – and i went to college for seven years. i never got an “a” in any photography class or art class and yet when some people talk about this site they talk first of the photo essays and the design.

but fortunately life isnt played out on paper. it happens every day between the time the alarm wakes us up and when the beertender yells last call.

sad thing about this review, i fear, is that i will prove that on paper i have been accurate about 98% of the time and instead of saying, shit man, we are impressed with this, they will focus and grill me about the 2% even though im responsible for doing a job and a half, even though i eat my lunch at my desk, and answer the phone with a sandwich in my hand, and run around the building at a fast pace, a building where everyone knows my name and says it with a smile, except for the man who will try to judge me today.

im nervous about this review because i am a sensitive poet and a talented debator and a smart cookie and i have just as many facts and figures as they do and i even have some secret weapons and i dont want to use them. what i want is for them to present me the way i am which is flawed yet fabulous, and if that happens then i will sit there and smile at the good things and frown at the bad things and speak softly and take it easy because there might be a light at the end of this tunnel and i should just focus on that instead of the fact that not everyone will always understand or appreciate you and lots of the times that person works right next to you.

since i have new comments today in honor of my work review, maybe you can give me a review on this blog, which is weeks away from being two years old.

pretend you are the boss of this blog and today is your chance to tell me the good things and bad things of what you see here everyday.

i promise that i will take it all in and i wont talk back.

why? because i love you.

let me begin by telling you thank you so very much for all that you do. without you im nothing.

im nothing with you either, but without you not only am i nothing but this blog would be a gigantico mess.

you dont even want to know where i am blogging from tonight or how.

quite frankly im ashamed.

what im doing tonight in coachella california to spread good news to all of you is immoral, illegal, inappropriate and somewhat disgusting. in fact what i will have to do later to a gaggle of barely legal dairy queen employees is just plain wrong.

what im blogging on cant even allow me to right-click, so therefore i cant even add a picture to this post, so please, sweet editors, add a nice picture up in this piece. make it a picture of karisa if you can find one because lots of the boys have been asking for that and i aims to please.

my shoulders are hurting writing the way i have to write right now so sorry if this comes across not as long as i would like it to be.

anyways, hi people of the world. i miss you.

ive been driving across this desert all night looking for a different kinkos than the one that robbed me last night but i had no luck. palm springs is beautiful and their trees are well lit and every fancy community has gates and a security kiosk but no one has 24 hour internet and fortunately i had a nice driving companion who kept her hand in my lap the whole way so even though i was frustrated i wasnt totally pissed.

i dont get totally pissed all that often, but the last few weeks ive been testy to say the least.

i think i just need a change.

a big change.

even a little change would be nice and i thought this vacation would be it but its not.

palm springs isnt far enough from LA to ease ones mind and ive got a lot to ease.

plus, and she’ll hate me for saying this, but i could use a steady gurl. clippergirls cousin is sweet but shes not it. ive been around the block enough to know and i know and shes not it.

tonight we ate at pf changs and it was deeeee-lish.

the restaurants out here have misters to add a little refreshment to the atmosphere and its welcomed.

pf was packed tonight and the food was great and the waitress was awesome and everyone had a great time especially me because i always end up there with the best people and that makes me feel so lucky.

note to self: youre the luckest man alive. enjoy it.

tomorrow i will golf and shop and ride around with the top down and i might even head back to hollywood

and i might not.

so anyway, xbi agents, if you would, could you please post three classic busblog posts tomorrow and then a caption this please for the kids before 1pm pst.

if you cant i totally understand but i dont have a computer and i dont have innnernet access and i have a feeling i wont even wake up tomorrow until 2pm so please help the busblog since i cant.

my love to all of you.

your pal,

tony

nce a year to determine promotions and raises and possible terminations.

and just like at many of my other places of employment, here they first want the employee to fill out a self-review, something that until this year, i have never had a problem with, but this year i want to rebel.

why should i give them ammunition to withhold any monies or rewards that i might have coming my way? what could someone do if i either didnt say a thing on my self-review or if i only said very very nice things about myself?

what would be the glory in being honest?

the guy who drove his airplane through a couple of powerlines today is going to have to fill out a self-review one day and do you think he’s gonna bring this matter up on his own?

ha.

first question they ask is Q. have you taken any additional training to better yourself in your position?

A. a hooker taught me how to discharge my weapon with my left hand, in case my right hand becomes injured or blown off.

Q. what areas do you need improvement in?

A. i would like to learn Spanish, i would like to be better at Persuasion, and i would like to learn how to cut a man’s eye out with a ball point pen, like Frankie can.

even though most of us are undercover, sometimes its good to have a reputation that preceeds you and Frankie doesnt need to be undercover any more, all he has to do is call a suspect up and tell him his name and tell him that he will be paying the gentleman a visit unless he does so-and-so and guess what, Frankie doesnt need to learn anything more about Persuasion thanks to his talent with the Bic.

Q. what would you like to see yourself doing in a year?

A. using my three-month Eurail pass with a former nba cheerleader.

Q. what improvements would you like to see at your workplace?

A. i have never liked companies who make a profit off their employees. cans of soda do not cost sixty cents. i know they got lowered to fifty-five cents, but a company should not be making a profit from snacks and the like of workers who are saving the company time and money by not walking across the street to the market and buying a generic soda for a quarter. i would like to see all snacks reduced to their cost. coffee is free, so should be the dr. pepper. or make it a quarter.

tell me i’m not easilly pleased.