how to blog

by tony pierce, 110

1. write every day.

2. if you think youre a good writer, write twice a day.

3. dont be afraid to do anything. infact if youre afraid of something, do it. then do it again. and again.

4. cuss like a sailor.

5. dont tell your mom, your work, your friends, the people you want to date, or the people you want to work for about your blog. if they find out and you’d rather they didnt read it, ask them nicely to grant you your privacy.

6. have comments. dont be upset if no one writes in your comments for a long time. eventually they’ll write in there. if people start acting mean in your comments, ask them to stop, they probably will.

7. have an email address clearly displayed on your blog. sometimes people want to tell you that you rock in private.

8. dont worry very much about the design of your blog. image is a fakeout.

9. use Blogger. it’s easy, it’s free; and because they are owned by Google, your blog will get spidered better, you will show up in more search results, and more people will end up at your blog. besides, all the other blogging software & alternatives pretty much suck.

10. use spellcheck unless youre completely totally keeping it real. but even then you might want to use it if you think you wrote something really good.

11. say exactly what you want to say no matter what it looks like on the screen. then say something else. then keep going. and when youre done, re-read it, and edit it and hit publish and forget about it.

12. link like crazy. link anyone who links you, link your favorites, link your friends. dont be a prude. linking is what seperates bloggers from apes. and especially link if you’re trying to prove a point and someone else said it first. it lends credibility even if youre full of shit.

13. if you havent written about sex, religion, and politics in a week youre probably playing it too safe, which means you probably fucked up on #5, in which case start a second blog and keep your big mouth shut about it this time.

14. remember: nobody cares which N*Sync member you are, what State you are, which Party of Five kid you are, or which Weezer song you are. the second you put one of those things on your blog you need to delete your blog and try out for the marching band. similarilly, nobody gives a shit what the weather is like in your town, nobody wants you to change their cursor into a butterfly, nobody wants to vote on whether your blog is hot or not, and nobody gives a rat ass what song youre listening to. write something Real for you, about you, every day.

15. dont be afraid if you think something has been said before. it has. and better. big whoop. say it anyway using your own words as honestly as you can. just let it out.

16. get Site Meter and make it available for everyone to see. if you’re embarrassed that not a lot of people are clicking over to your page, dont be embarrassed by the number, be embarrassed that you actually give a crap about hits to your masterwork. it really is just a blog. and hits really dont mean anything. you want Site Meter, though, to see who is linking you so you can thank them and so you can link them back. similarilly, use Technorati, but dont obsess. write.

17. people like pictures. use them. save them to your own server. or use Blogger’s free service. if you dont know how to do it, learn. also get a Buzznet account. several things will happen once you start blogging, one of them is you will learn new things. thats a good thing.

18. before you hit Save as Draft or Publish Post, select all and copy your masterpiece. you are using a computer and the internet, shit can happen. no need to lose a good post.

19. push the envelope in what youre writing about and how youre saying it. be more and more honest. get to the root of things. start at the root of things and get deeper. dig. think out loud. keep typing. keep going. eventually you’ll find a little treasure chest. every time you blog this can happen if you let it.

20. change your style. mimic people. write beautiful lies. dream in public. kiss and tell. finger and tell. cry scream fight sing fuck and dont be afraid to be funny. the easiest thing to do is whine when you write. dont be lazy. audblog at least once a week.

21. write open letters. make lists. call people out on their bullshit. lead by example. invent and reinvent yourself. start by writing about what happened to you today. for example today i told a hot girl how wonderfully hot she is.

22. when in doubt review something. theres not enough reviews on blogs. review a movie you just saw, a tv show, a cd, a kiss you just got, a restaurant, a hike you just took, anything.

23. constantly write about the town that you live in.

24. out yourself. tell your secrets. you can always delete them later.

25. dont use your real name. dont write about your work unless you dont care about getting fired.

26. dont be afraid to come across as an asswipe. own your asswipeness.

27. nobody likes poems. dont put your poems on your blog. not even if theyre incredible. especially if theyre incredible. odds are theyre not incredible. bad poems are funny sometimes though, so fine, put your dumb poems on there. whatever.

28. tell us about your friends.

29. dont apologize about not blogging. nobody cares. just start blogging again.

30. read tons of blogs and leave nice comments.

if you’re going to ripoff/mimic/be inspired by one blogger make it raymi, shes perfect.

exclusive interview with shaquille o’neal

christina hendricks shaq, tough loss.


wanna talk about it?

what’s there to say, any time i raised my hand up in the air, somebody would fall over. instead of golden trophies of basketballs they should be handing out oscars. and the refs should get best supporting actor awards. how many times did kobe drive the lane and they swallowed their whistles? all the time. f the refs.

why do you think it went down that way?

they want parity in the nba. they dont like the fact that the lakers could just sign two great stars like karl and gary and win another ring. they want the east to look stronger than it is. they want some new heroes. they want the kids wearing fake afros and the Bad Boys to make a return to the nba. they want to reward larry brown and punish the answer. they want this to be the wwf, wwe, whatever. they want there to be a badder group of dudes than the baddest. we’re the baddest dudes. nobody can take that from us. but they can hand rings to others.

shaq, some say that they called the finals the way that they should have called the last 5 years. they called you for fouls cuz you constantly elbow and manhandle.

if thats the case, then they picked a rotten time to start enforcing the rule. thats like suddenly calling knee high strikes strikes during the world series when you havent called them all year. and what about in minnesota when my boy madsen was dateraping me and still didnt get a foul called on him.

why do you think its like that?

its easy. its psychology. you see a big huge guy. then you see a bigger huger guy. if the bigger guy is standing there getting fouled by a smaller guy it doesnt look like a foul, it looks like the smaller guy is just trying real hard. but indeed it is a foul. its a real foul. if you prick me, dont i bleed?

as a matter of fact, ive never seen you bleed shaq.

well, i do. i bleed inside. where it counts.

thats sad.

im bleeding now.

so whats next for the lakers?

f the lakers. im on vacation. and all im going to do is try to get a new president elected.

pardon me?

i cant stand bush and i didnt even like reagan. do you know that reagan is the reason why saddam had the gas that he used on “his own people”? the kurds?

no i didnt know that.

bro, get thee to a library. rumsfeld was sent by reagan as his special envoy to iraq to do, among other things, ensure the delivery of chemical weapons that saddam used, not just on iranians, like reagan wanted, but on the kurds. and even after he did that reagan and rummy were buddies with him. we enabled saddam to be the bad guy that he is, was, whatever. and now george bush jr is going to be the guy who rids the world of him? talk about a straw man.


and reagan funded afghanistan during their war with the soviets. and who was the main guy in afghanistan during that time? who got the guns and the money and the training? who became the islamic warrior as they faught the soviets who outnumbered them by 3:1? osama bin hiding. the reasons the republicans know so much about saddam and his gas, and osama, and terrorism and al queda is because reagan started this whole mess and bush is trying to clean it up. the last thing they want is to have the democrats say, “look at this fucking mess those fuckups started with reagan, and we’re going to have to fix it all.”

what about your free throws? how are you going to approach them in the off-season? will phil return? what about kobe? are you two friends now?

interview over.

mark cuban + vimh + sk smith on laker hatin