im not good at forgiving people

im very good at holding a grudge.

my thing is if you got on my shit list you probably got there for more than one reason.

and because im half Scorpio im not gonna give you a 100th chance to hurt me again.

and because im mostly Libra there arent very many places where you can hurt me. so if you hurt me im actually a little surprised that you found that place.

and if you got on the shit list you found that place and despite several warnings you kept at it. either you betrayed my trust or you abandoned me or you massively pissed me off.

Steve Bartman ruined the Cubs’ chance to get into the World Series.

and when he did he was pelted with beers and dogs and garbage and run out of the city of Chicago.

he is still in hiding.

he doesnt give interviews or write a blog or even send out homing pigeons. he sits in his basement with his new name and new family and tries not to get murdered by a Cub fan with anger issues.

up until November Steve Bartman was on my Shit List Short List. like that little girl in Game of Thrones his name was close to my heart and if i ever crossed paths with him I would not let him forget the one thing that i knew he hadnt forgotten and im sure i woulda felt sad about it because my heart is filled with love, not hate.

but hate sure has a few bedrooms in the building.

but today the Cubs gave Bartman a ring. They put his name on it. And somehow the message reached to him and he messaged back.

he said he was not worthy of the ring but he appreciated it and it represented the way people should treat each other.

somehow Bartman had a great ticket for a playoff game. i believe he was a Cub fan. i believe he got caught up in the moment and made a mistake.

i believe it was the worst mistake he’d ever made.

i have made a few mistakes. one of them i asked forgiveness for and i was granted forgiveness.

but because i STILL feel so bad about it, i don’t even believe that i was really forgiven.

in fact i think it will keep me from entering Heaven.

i used my superpowers for selfish reasons. and then i hurt someone very very sweet.

that action has changed me.

i am not as full of love as i once was.

i am more guarded because in some ways i dont even trust myself any more because i dont ever want to hurt anyone like that again.

id love to blame the xbi but this was all me.

i fucked up.

i am so sorry.

i will forever be sorry.

im sure Bartman will also be forever sorry.

but now he has a ring, from the Cubs, that says, it’s ok bro. move on. get on with your life.

and for the Cubs to do that is just another reason i love them so much.