people ask me all the time to write about my job

i say, i told you, im not gonna write about the fbi while we’re at war.

they say nonononono, your real job. i say, oh, the real one. ok. well, me and this girl i work with were talking about True Hollywood Stories. We edit the closed-captions so that the deaf, hearing-impared, and hotties working out in the gym can keep up with the daliances of the famous.

my co-worker said the other day, “you know you have a rough life when it’s only the year 2000 and your THS is only half-way done.”

I think i’ve topped her. I’m doing the newest edit of the 2-hour Anna Nicole Smith truehollywoodstory. We’re only into the tenth minute of this story and she has gotten married, divorced, had a kid, lived in a trailer, worked at a fried chicken place, started stripping, had two breast augmentations, gone to the hospital cuz of an infection due to one of them, and been arrested three times for DUI.

after informing my co-worker of all of this, she says, wow.

now arent you glad to hear the behind the scenes goings on?

mariah called me like she does every night these days before she goes to sleep. we talk about the old days and she keeps telling me that i would love her movie cuz it’s set in the ’80s and i say i’ll go i’ll go and she says do it for America! and then laughs. shes got a cute laugh.

i tease her that her voice is getting deeper and one day it will be as deep as kathleen turner’s and she likes my jokes and rewards them with silence but it’s cool, she keeps calling, doesnt she.

i say, mariah, dont think that it’s a failure if yours was the only new movie that came out this week and you didnt even get in the top ten of weekend grosses. she asked why isnt that a failure? i said, cuz money doesnt mean nothin or popularity. she said but j-lo… i said, j-lo, whatever. she said, yeah, whatever.

then she gave me a hard time for writing about ashley this weekend.

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