she said her name was lana

i told her i didnt believe her. the torch lights threw dramatic shadows across her face. she toweled off the grime and sweat and soot and dna i kept waiting for a penis to pop out from down there but it never did.

her tail flicked around as she dragged a comb through her hair and when she was finished she sat down with me.

i hate you, tony.
join the club.
you disgust me.
youre not the first.
i only fuck you because it keeps my mind off of whats going on here.
whats going on here?
just look away.
but its everywhere.
pretend its just wallpaper.
cant you hear the screams?
all i hear is “hells bells.”
where do you hear that?
it comes on after “runnin with the devil.”
are you insane?
how come i only see you here at the sex palace?
cuz i work here.
did you have a lot of sex when you were alive?
about the average amount.
whats the average amount?
twice a week.
did you have a boyfriend?
i never didnt have a boyfriend.
i woulda thought you woulda had more sex than just twice a week.
at first, yeah, but after a while is slows down.
how old were you when you died?
how many guys had you done it with?
do you wish you woulda done it more?
do you wish you woulda done it with more guys?
a few.
why didnt you?
dumb. i didnt want people to think i was a ho.
people like who?
i dont know. me.
what woulda made you a ho?
i could have been a ho so easy.
are you a ho here?
how many guys do you do it with here a day?
three or four.
isnt that ho-ish?
sorta, but it’s work, and it makes people happy to watch.
am i the best guy you ever did it with?
next question.
am i the biggest?
not even close.
do any famous guys down here?
yeah, they flamethrew him almost right away he was so bad.
ever do chicks?
nah, thats creeps me out.

yesterday was a holiday

so they didnt have any work for me so i hung out at the sex palace and flamethrew some lameasses.

then a nice girl asked me to join her on stage. she looked pretty good and the guy next to me assured me that she was a girl – i highly recommend getting a second opinion in these matters if you ever find yourself down here.

so we went at it.

at first people flamed us a little, but as we got to know each other everything worked out and people shut up and beat off to us.

when we were done they applauded and then blew flames at the sky in appreciation.

then at us, as is customary.

the chick didnt really want to talk to me. she just wanted to smoke. that was fine. i just wanted to drink some more fire water and get my thoughts together.

we did it three more times before i went back to my little cave. the third time they didnt flame us at all, they threw rocks at us, which is the highest compliment at the sex palace.

at first i didnt know, so i caught a rock and whipped it back at them.

you have pretty good aim here so it wasnt like they were trying to hit us they were just trying to miss by a little. what happens is the “performers” have to stand still and the flying rocks form a little outline around us and it looks pretty from the luxury boxes.

fireworks go off, pyrotechnics, canons.

later a big man in a three peice suit asked me if i wanted to work at the sex palace permanantly. he said they were always looking for a few guys, since they normally burn out quick.

the puns in hell are neverending.

i told him that i appreciated his offer but i didnt want to sign up for anything permanent in hell for the time being and he slipped me his card but i handed it back because i still havent figured out where to get any pants in this damned place.

they play “hells bells” constantly here and sometimes i think it’s so that we’d get sick of it, but i never do.

and i never will.

jason sutter