they had cable down here in hell for a while,

but they stopped because the customer service was so horrible. so we’re back to rabbit ears. the only channel that comes in any good is fox which is cool because i get to see the simpsons and tonight i get to see joe millionaire.

this week though is Ashleys Birthday week.

the Daisy Princess turns 21 on Saturday.

want to buy her stuff? it’s cool with me, just go here, something i made last year.

ashley is more than just a hot chick, she’s a sensation. shes an inspiration. being in hell makes me miss her even more because a lot of the girls here wear their hair in a bun so that it wont catch fire.

one super nice thing about ashley is that whenever i wanted her hair down she would just undo her rubberband and shake her head all glamourously and her flowing golden locks would fall like as if in a fairy tale.

little known fact about h-e- double pogo sticks, if someone prays for you you can hear it. and ashley said the cutest little prayer for me the other day, she said that she thought that my last two photo essays were really good and she missed me and that made me happy.

a nice prayer like that kills an evil deed in hell.

i think it was her kind words that paved the way for those kickass playoff games this weekend, but who knows.

if i was back on earth, what would i do with a completely legal ashley princess?

maybe take her to a champagne brunch?

lil lapdance at the forty-deuce?

six pack of miller cans under the overpass in east la?

bottle of night train wrapped in a brown paper bag in an alley off crenshaw?

the correct answer, as always, is e.) all of the above.

one of the times we broke up for good

the lakers are wearing white on sunday home games

and most people think it’s just a marketing ploy to sell white kobe and shaq jerseys but it’s not. its because variety is the spice of life.

when i was in the orientation meeting everyone had to stand up and introduce themselves.

hi, my name is tony. i was an undercover superhero in hollywood, california, earth, and now im here.

everyone booed.

down here that means hi.

it also means boo.

what were my hobbies?

i liked model planes, horticulture and reading the Bible.

they booed louder.

tony was also a very popular blogger.

this made them stop booing.

and slowly

they started to laugh.


one guy was crying he was laughing so much.

soon someone knocked at the door to see what was happening, someone told the guy and they pointed at me. then they both started laughing and patting each other on the back.

then i started laughing cuz it was pretty funny.

then everyone settled down.

then some lady chuckled.

then another lady gafawwed.

a dude snorted.

then everyone laughed again.

i laughed, farted, then laughed harder.

someone tried to ask me a question, but busted out laughing.

then everyone joined in again.

a fat guy turned blue and wheezed while catching his breath, his buddy opened his shirt a little and waved some air at him. he took out his asthma thing and blew some air in his lungs and stopped looking blue.

then he coughed.

then he went back to laughing.

then he ripped a little fart.

then everyone started laughing all over again.

raymi the minx