im seeing the white stripes tonight

bill and hillary clinton with my old college roommate, and his kickass wife, and my supermodel skinny college xgirlfriend, and we’re sitting somewhere in the first 10-12 rows, at the greek theatre, which is about a mile from my house, outside, under the stars, and the yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeahs are opening.

and the cubs have six games left to play and theyre against chumps. and the cubs have kerry wood pitching tonight. and its nice to have wood. and it means that if they need him theyve got wood on the sixth game. and mark prior the guy who should win the cy young will pitch in game 5 and carlos zambrano who i adore will pitch probably tomorrow. so we have three of the top 5-6 pitchers throwing in 4 out of the 6 games that we need to win. so thats good.

but im not happy.

and im refreshed from my trip and my hair is coming back, miraculously, cuz i guess rogaine sorta works, and my email is blowing up with all the lovelies who want to hook up, but the ones i want to write me emails arent doing it, and i wonder if thats why im not happy and of course it is. its the libra curse. everything can be going right for you but if the right girl doesnt say the right thing which is usually along the lines of god i need you god youre the best god youre the perfect man then its almost like nothing is good in the hood.

tsar is playing a secret early show on thursday at spaceland and youd think that makes me happy. it does. do you think that makes me satisfied. hmm. hard to tell. you think that makes this glass half full, no, it doesnt, cuz theyre not going to start it off with hells bells and theyre not going to end it all with for those about to rock, but they are the best band in america and hollywood records must be libras too cuz they look at tsar and say whatever. no, whatever to you hollywood records, and whatever to the girl who said whatever to me today when i told her that my heart was breaking. and whatever to the other who sent me the most wonderful pictures but then doesnt want to follow it up with a little stroll around mammory lane. on one hand i can be the most grateful wonderful man in the world and then in the very next second all i can see is what i dont have and that list can just go on and on till the break of dawn.

jlo and ben got hitched in georgia my space watch tells me and i gave it the tivo triple red thumbs down cuz i dont care about that sort of news cuz i would make a far better beau to jlo than benlow, i wouldnt go to any damn strip clubs unless i was a judge at the jlo lookalike stripalike contest and one day there will be a wishingwell and there will be a penny and there wil be a dream and there will be a toss and it will flip in the air fly through the sky splash in the pond and sparkle my eye and everything will fall in place and she will see my face and not look away but instead say stay.

and if you dont think im getting fucking plastered tonight youre high.

21mm + totally awesome + ham fisted theatrics

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