im in love with a pretty girl, america.


she lives in europe though so that makes me sad. mostly im happy though because she says the sweetest things to me. some so sweet its hard to believe.

she might be the princess of sweden, im not supposed to disclose that.

she showed off the other night with her tripod and her time lapse photography outside her castle and sent it to me.

i was all, hey, thats a lot different than all these other chicks who send me nude pics.

she was all, All of them?

i was all, no not all of them, just the ones who truly lust me.

she was all, well im not just any dumb girl.

and i said, pardon me missy, but these arent dumb girls, theyre great girls and theyre so into it that they get topless.

she was like, i thought you said they got nude.

i said, i meant topless.

she was like, well hell, i can get topless.

i was all, what are you ashamed of downtown?

she was like, nothing, im just not a ditzy slut.

i was all, yeah but how do i know youre not a dude.

she goes, fine. and then bam, nude picture of the princess of sweden. i mean of some eurobabe.



our chats get a little racy. apparently princesses, i mean eurogirls, get a little nervous about who they sexchat with and who they send nudes to, so she has had all these dirty things that shes wanted to tell someone for a long time and i got to be the lucky recipient.

so i would tell her naturally, that she was turning me on, and she would tell me that she didnt believe me.

so i told her that i would count every time i became aroused.

she said, please dont put this on your blog or you’ll never get a job with the dnc.

i was all, dont worry baby, those fools arent gonna give me two million bucks to save their party, theyve given up entirely. they dont even try any more.

she asked, is it really that bad?

i was all, sadly, i think it is that bad. theyre writing haikus, baby.

she said, fuck.

i said, theyre a shade away from the green party with that shit.

she said, i just got some new knickers.

i said 7

she said whats that

i said every time you get me riled up, so to speak, im going to count. i told you that.

then she told me this story.


then she told me what she was wearing.


then she told me she lusted me


then she told me what swedish girls do on the long dark winter nights while they were talking to american guys via the wonders of the innernet and i told her i didnt have any more fingers to count on.

so she made me a little movie on her little camera and i told her i wanted to marry her.

and she said ok.

but i was serious.

gorilla mask + the ward + beautiful mistake

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