the worst days for hits

are saturdays, which could mean two things:

a) enjoy the freedom

b) try to do something that makes people remember to come here on saturdays

the best idea of course is Sex Saturdays

most people want to see titties and read dirty stories on the busblog but most of them are reading from work and most of us dont have big fancy private offices so you sorta have to keep it clean if youre trying to hit a certain demographic

its not that i dont want to appeal to the lowest common purient intrest, shit. but thats greasy kids stuff that anyone can do.

so the idea was on Saturdays people would be at home dickin around playing tetris or whatever people do on saturdays on their home computer, so if a M-F reader knew that they were going to get a bonus for coming back to their second favorite blog on the weekend, maybe they would.

and on it i would show naked pictures of like, say, tara reid whose dress seemed to slip off her shoulder the other night at puff daddys 38th birthday party revealing a boob job, which upon closer examination is really something to sue over, not expose willingly.

the text would be dripping of detailed explorations of my sexual past which has been full my friends and definately worth reviewing because seriously half the time i say, that shit happened to me? im as average as any light skinned black american can be. so most of the stories would be along the lines of, “i was sitting there doing nothing like the lameass that i was and the lameass that i am now. when a knock came from the back. i put down my pornography and went to the door. there she was, tanned, smiley, and thank god above drunk as shit and dying to bone.”

(im not saying it would be particularily good. im just saying it would be different than say what you normally read on here on most days.)

and then i would go into the wild night with as much attention to detail as one would hope for from a man who was trained that a reporter goes places the reader cannot go and tells the story with a punchy lede, facts, quotes, and details. the daily nexus taught me how to sneak some humor in there when noones lookin.

which brings us to the point of all of this.

which is yes i want to bring back the concept of sex saturday, only problem is this, how does one do it in such a way that people are rewarded for coming here on the weekend, but not (un)pleasantly suprised by bosoms as they scroll down the page on monday morn?

i didnt have the answer for that until today

what you do is you write whatever bullshit youre going to write on saturday, but when youre done you link to a webpage off of the blog that leads to the sexy story you want to tell.

like so.

and i wish i could take credit for this simple and perfect solution, but i cant. the hat tip needs to go to the cheerleader from the other night who for the sake of confusion we will call anna kournikova who was so excited to be mentioned on this blog that she told me she had baked chocolate chip cookies and wanted to bring them to me after the game tonight.

and as i was thanking her she said oh my god, stop, and i wiped my mouth with the duvee and crawled up next to her and she said i figured out how to bring back sex saturday

and i wonder, can you fall in love with a girl after just three dates?

a very special matt welch post + a picture is worth 420 words + i heart flagrant + wtf stoked me first

yes mariah, tsar will be on national tv on monday

yes they dont have a cd coming out any time soon.

yes they are no longer on disney-owned hollywood records who are more interested in pimping out the new hillary duff cd because of her scary talent.

yes they are recording their third cd as we speak

and yes i was invited to go to the taping but it happens too early in the evening for me to attend but i still wanted to let you know that

yes, tsar will be on the Late Late Show, formerly hosted by craig kilbourn.

how did this happen?

how did an unsigned band who does not have an album out does not have a video out is not on any world tour get a national tv opportunity?

because Tsar really is that good

and their legend and majesty matches up with their live shows.

and because when they played the Late Late Show a few years ago they rocked the house.

and because when one of the big wigs of the show saw a beautiful young woman wearing a tsar tshirt he said, “wow, Tsar, my favorite band. those guys are destined for fame really soon.”

and the woman said, “i think so too, but i might be the wrong person to ask as my husband is their manager.”

and the big wig said, “have your husband call me, i’d love to have them on the show.”

and thats how things are done in LA, it all matters who you know and how hard you rock.

so America, heres your chance to see rock history

the first time an unsigned band will perform on national tv despite not having anything to sell

other than love.

tune in Monday November 8 around midnight on CBS to see Tsar on the Late Late Show

you’ll be better because of it.

yes, even you mariah.

vertical hold + opera dork + guinness and poker + ryan mcgee

im not ashamed to say i love michael moore

why should i? that new senator in south carolina isnt ashamed to say that he doesnt want unwed mothers or homosexuals as teachers.

i love moore’s movies, i loved his tv shows.

im not crazy about his interviews, and his website/blog rarely interests me and i dont believe ive ever linked to it.

until today.

here are most of his points: 17 Reasons Not to Slit Your Wrists… by Michael Moore

Dear Friends,

Ok, it sucks. Really sucks. But before you go and cash it all in, let’s, in the words of Monty Python, “always look on the bright side of life!” There IS some good news from Tuesday’s election.

Here are 17 reasons not to slit your wrists:

1. It is against the law for George W. Bush to run for president again.

2. Bush’s victory was the NARROWEST win for a sitting president since Woodrow Wilson in 1916.

3. The only age group in which the majority voted for Kerry was young adults (Kerry: 54%, Bush: 44%), proving once again that your parents are always wrong and you should never listen to them.

4. In spite of Bush’s win, the majority of Americans still think the country is headed in the wrong direction (56%), think the war wasn’t worth fighting (51%), and don’t approve of the job George W. Bush is doing (52%). (Note to foreigners: Don’t try to figure this one out. It’s an American thing, like Pop Tarts.)

5. The Republicans will not have a filibuster-proof 60-seat majority in the Senate. If the Democrats do their job, Bush won’t be able to pack the Supreme Court with right-wing ideologues. Did I say “if the Democrats do their job?” Um, maybe better to scratch this one.

7. Once again we are reminded that the buckeye is a nut, and not just any old nut — a poisonous nut. A great nation was felled by a poisonous nut. May Ohio State pay dearly this Saturday when it faces Michigan.

8. 88% of Bush’s support came from white voters. In 50 years, America will no longer have a white majority. Hey, 50 years isn’t such a long time! If you’re ten years old and reading this, your golden years will be truly golden and you will be well cared for in your old age.

9. Gays, thanks to the ballot measures passed on Tuesday, cannot get married in 11 new states. Thank God. Just think of all those wedding gifts we won’t have to buy now.

10. Five more African Americans were elected as members of Congress, including the return of Cynthia McKinney of Georgia. It’s always good to have more blacks in there fighting for us and doing the job our candidates can’t.

11. The CEO of Coors was defeated for Senate in Colorado. Drink up!

12. Admit it: We like the Bush twins and we don’t want them to go away.

14. Bush is now a lame duck president. He will have no greater moment than the one he’s having this week. It’s all downhill for him from here on out — and, more significantly, he’s just not going to want to do all the hard work that will be expected of him. It’ll be like everyone’s last month in 12th grade — you’ve already made it, so it’s party time! Perhaps he’ll treat the next four years like a permanent Friday, spending even more time at the ranch or in Kennebunkport. And why shouldn’t he? He’s already proved his point, avenged his father and kicked our ass.

15. Should Bush decide to show up to work and take this country down a very dark road, it is also just as likely that either of the following two scenarios will happen: a) Now that he doesn’t ever need to pander to the Christian conservatives again to get elected, someone may whisper in his ear that he should spend these last four years building “a legacy” so that history will render a kinder verdict on him and thus he will not push for too aggressive a right-wing agenda; or b) He will become so cocky and arrogant — and thus, reckless — that he will commit a blunder of such major proportions that even his own party will have to remove him from office.

16. There are nearly 300 million Americans — 200 million of them of voting age. We only lost by three and a half million! That’s not a landslide — it means we’re almost there. Imagine losing by 20 million. If you had 58 yards to go before you reached the goal line and then you barreled down 55 of those yards, would you stop on the three yard line, pick up the ball and go home crying — especially when you get to start the next down on the three yard line? Of course not! Buck up! Have hope! More sports analogies are coming!!!

17. Finally and most importantly, over 55 million Americans voted for the candidate dubbed “The #1 Liberal in the Senate.” That’s more than the total number of voters who voted for either Reagan, Bush I, Clinton or Gore. Again, more people voted for Kerry than Reagan. If the media are looking for a trend it should be this — that so many Americans were, for the first time since Kennedy, willing to vote for an out-and-out liberal. The country has always been filled with evangelicals — that is not news. What IS news is that so many people have shifted toward a Massachusetts liberal. In fact, that’s BIG news. Which means, don’t expect the mainstream media, the ones who brought you the Iraq War, to ever report the real truth about November 2, 2004. In fact, it’s better that they don’t. We’ll need the element of surprise in 2008.

Feeling better? I hope so. As my friend Mort wrote me yesterday, “My Romanian grandfather used to say to me, ‘Remember, Morton, this is such a wonderful country — it doesn’t even need a president!'”

But it needs us. Rest up, I’ll write you again tomorrow.


Michael Moore

aaron clemens + stacy + lolipops and roses + brett

the week in rock in LA

tonight 11/5

laurie anderson, royce hall

cameo, malibu inn

death cab for cutie, wiltern

dirty dozen brass band, house of blues

unkle, pearl

america, vault 350

tomorrow 11/6

lou reed + j mascis + the walkmen + modest mouse, queen mary

laurie anderson, royce hall

the tubes, the canyon

moris tepper, knitting factory

bela fleck, wiltern

colder, the echo

delgados, amoeba (free)

sunday 11/7

flaming lips + stephen malkmus + eagles of death metal + peaches + built to spill + the shins, queen mary

modeski martin and wood, avalon

juvenile, vault 350

monday 11/8

camper van beethoven, amoeba (free)

diana ross, pantages

john cale, key club

gary busey, house of blues

tuesday 11/9

and you will know us by the trail of dead, roxy

something corporate, house of blues

wednesday 11/10

THE DWARVES + dragonfly

tegan and sara, el rey

dogs die in hot cars, troubador

thursday 11/11

morrissey, universal

too $hort, vault 350

wolf eyes, echo

bad wizard, spaceland

sally kellerman, roxy

hell is a closed door + laist +